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Monthly Archives: February 2005

Monday, February 28, 2005

Hour One:The show opened with the actual 9-11 call from the Kodak Theater that alerted paramedics to the fact that Sean Penn had a pole parked up his b-u-t-t-o-c-k-s. David G. Hall then asked Phil why he would tell the LA audience his schedule should the game be pre-empted for the Lakers when his LA audience couldn’t hear him…because the Lakers are playing. Then we played a listener flashback request for the Bob Green bit where he wouldn’t sell corn on the cob to people with “jacked up” teeth because it was sickening to look at the corn wedged in their teeth. Phil read some e-mail and then came Bud’s Radical NASCAR Accidents from Sunday’s Auto Club 500 in Fontana, Ca where, Bud claims, a leg was on the track, some guy got pinned and burned up and then Godzilla came out of the infield and the crowd fled the grandstands. Pastor William Rennick came on and talked about how he thinks Chris Rock was set up to fail as host of the Academy Awards by “those same people that wouldn’t nominate the Passion of the Jesus….and you know who I’m talking about, Phil.”Hour Two:Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police came on to talk about how tough it is to enforce the drug laws pertaining to methamphetamine since the only people that use it “are white people…and there’s a little hitch” of sadness in his step, says Jay, when he has to approach a white motorist. Jay then grabs a handful of hair and pulls the motorists head back to shine a flashlight up their nose to see if there’s any “sprinkling of meth around the nostril portions.”Hour Three:Raj has a theory that natural born Americans couldn’t pass their own countries citizenship test…but they are very knowledgeable when it comes to fast food.

Posted in Classic Shows, Jay Santos, Phil Media

Friday, February 25, 2005

Hour 1:Mr Vernon Dozier who wrote a book called “The Best is Yet To Come” comes on to talk about turning the tables on your wife. Let say she is making you feel guilty for cheating on her. You insist that a paternity test be administered to both of you. How do you know those kids are yours. maybe their father was, as Vernon put it, a “Chinaman.” Vernon closed the segment by dancing to Chinese folk music.Hour 2:Tony runs some adult websites with child-oriented names…but says blame the parents and the churches if kids get a glimpse of his smut.Hour 3:Bob Green, chairman of Frazier Foods comes on to cry about how Costco and its workers helping the train crash victims got the company tons of free publicity.

Posted in Bob Green, Classic Shows, Phil Media

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Hour One:Phil hot the air last night as “Brian Grant” of the LA Lakers and took calls from Lakers fans who wouldn’t know Brian Grant from Lou Grant. For a solid hour “Brian” kept talking about Vlade Divac coming into the locker room eating a fistful of goat cheese like an apple and how Kobe is moving to his own dressing cubicle so talking to him will be like talking to a guy in a different toilet stall. Phil then went on to bust the act and explain it was him when some gang-banger from East LA started talking crap to “Brian” in order to show how dumb the guy was. After that, it was on as the whole dumb gang world started calling with threats…then magically stopped when Phil slowly explained the show….again. Oh My God.Hour Two:Phil brought on Bobbi Dooley to explain to new listeners who she was. Then Bud interrupted to tell Phil there was a guy outside who wanted to buy airtime on Phil’s show named Dick Little. When Phil asked Bud what the guy was selling, Bud said Viagra. David Hall came on and both he and Bud didn’t get the connection. All David knew is it was money for the show. Hal and Viola called from their plane to tell Phil they were going to Laughlin again and ask if he wanted them to put some money on a number at the Roulette wheel. Phil kept saying 16 Red but Viola couldn’t hear him over the plane engine. When she finally was able to get Hal to “turn the plane down” and hear Phil, they stalled out and never did get Phil’s number. We then ran a listener flashback request and then Lloyd Bonifide came back on to finish his audition for American Idol by singing “Hungry Heart” and rapping through the middle of it about how he hopes Bruce Springsteen is crippled for life in a limo accident because of his stance on the Iraq war. Steve Bosell then came on and explained who he was for new listeners.Hour Three:Father James McQuarters kicked off our third hour by saying if the Pope dies, he’d like to “throw his hat in the ring.” When Phil points out the fact that the Father has various child molestation charges in his history, McQuarters says he’ll “spread some juice around and grease the right palms.” Phil then talks about the new “Show Lines” feature on the web page and Harvey Weirman, who quit his Law Talk feature because he was butchering words so bad the name Michael Jackson came out to sound like “Miggelee Boo-Boo,” comes on to try his hand at entertainment reporting. In this segment he talks about the new Clint Eastwood film Million Dollar Baby,” only his eyes are so bad he thinks it says “Mummy Baby.” Then Chris Norton comes on to talk about who he is for our new listeners. Phil reads about the FCC getting slapped down in a federal court and then Vernon Dozier, the football coach closes the show. As Margaret Grey is reciting the shows credits, Bud calls her a whore and she beats him with the phone.

Posted in Classic Shows, Phil Media, Steve Bosell

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Hour One:We kicked off with Bud’s Radical NASCAR Accidents, featuring, of course, the Daytona 500 fender benders and Bud’s reading the details of them while screaming and hitting sound effects. Then David G. Hall admonishes Phil to lay off the sports material just because he’s carried on sports stations, notably his new affiliate in LA, XTRA Sports AM 570. Phil plays a listener request which is a mock soccer game Phil did once and that gets Phil reminiscing about Miami Cuban radio and some guys he used to listen to. Phil then says that the Germans are scumbags for calling Bush Hitler and that prompts a call from Margaret Grey who tells Phil he doesn’t know jack-squat about it. She then tries to sing “Blowin” In The Wind” but Phil has Bud call in an air strike on Margaret. As she’s being hit with Shock and Awe, she blurts out a final “I’ll see you in hell, Phil Hendrie.”Hour Two:Dave Oliva, a young student who eventually wants to be LAPD comes on to discuss how American Idol encourages domestic violence. His reasoning? Men see Simon “Cow” and “Paul” Abdul telling women who audition for the show that they’re butts are too large or their clothes are wrong. So they tell their women things with the same directness and the women don’t like it. The men are confused so naturally they belt the women.Hour Two:Lloyd Bonafide, a Korean war veteran and retired heating and plumbing man, reads aloud an e-mail he sent to the different media about the images of Terry Schiavo on TV and how they show the comatose woman “grinning like she just hit the lottery” Lloyd, naturally, thinks she’s somehow grinning at him as if its funny being in a coma and watching Lloyd obsess over his sexual dysfunction problem. Then at the end of the hour Lloyd insists on singing “Hungry Heart” as part of his warm up before auditioning for “American Idol.”

Posted in Classic Shows, David G. Hall, Phil Media

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Hour One,The show kicked off with special guest Raj Feneen representing the organization “Take Me Out To The Ballgame,” a group that feels it hypocritical of baseball fans to criticize Barry Bonds for steroids when they are sucking on corn dogs.Hour Two:The James Rome Show features a Jim Rome talking likea proper Englishman and saying things like “bang the monkey” as if he were Ian McKellan. Raj comes back on to sing his usual song making fun of Americans that eat too much fast food. The Love Songs With Bob features a bit of a twist. Bob says he’ll play their dedication but then winds up playing some Ozzie instead. He also invites chicks to come down to the station and then slaps them around while he’s on the air. Herb Sewell then comes on and talks about running in the LA marathon to not only raise money for charity but also for his wife’s breast job. We then pla a listener flashback and head into the Paul Cotton Male Advice Show, an effiminate guy who gives advice to dudes who have castrated themselves or been their wive’s nurder targets.Hour Three”I Totally Dare You” with Art Nevin has a contestant attempt, on his friends dare, to drive a motorcycle through a grocery store on Thanksgiving Eve. The Phil reads the news about Paris Hilton’s PDA getting hacked and wonders whats next, maybe full color shots of Paris sitting on the toilet. Pastor William Rennick comes on to talk about Chris Rock pissing God off with his Academy Award comments. The David Hall comes on to tell Phil to quit talking about Goth bands and we end the night with Jeff Dowder apologizing for teaching guys how to streak athletic events including making their ‘nads look bigger on the Jumbotron.

Posted in Classic Shows, Jeff Dowder, Phil Media

Friday, February 18, 2005

Hour One:Phil started out the show with a quick list of stuff coming up including the move to WWNC in Asheville, N.C. and Extra Sports AM570 in L.A. Then Phil, very innocently, welcomed “John Zeigler” to the 7pm spot in LA starting Monday. A listener flashback was next featuring the class bit where Bud Dickman literally goes through the phone line to kick some guys b-u-t-t on the other end. The Prince of Darkness Show features Satan breaking the news that the entire Partridge Family is in hell. David G. Hall comes on and is pissed Phil made fun of John and tells Phil, as usual, “they’re dusting off the hot seat for me.” Herb Sewell, a certifiable psycho who is now trying his hand at the travel business, tells Phil and his listeners he is planning a trip to they NBA All-Star game for women only and though he can’t guarantee they’ll have sex with a player “the possibility certainly exists.. Margaret Grey pays a visit to see what Phil thinks about her singing the words “…… know what you look like to me with your good bag and your bad shoes? You look like a rube……” instead of speak them. Phil then read some e-mail.Hour Two:Phil’s special guest is Don Parsley, an unemployed electrician, who claims he lost his son recently to an accidental shooting involving one of his son’s friends and a gun owned by Don the boys were playing with. Then he changes his story to his son dying in an automobile accident. The he says his son was shot just before he got into the accident. Then he says his son with shot with a bow and arrow, his wife has breast cancer that may involve “boob removal” and his daughters are sick too. The usual calls follow featuring people calling Don on his horse crap.Hour Three:Bud and RC are at a movie theatre where they interview people already lining up for the new Star Wars flick. Problem is Phil can’t understand a word the anyone is saying because most of the theatre-goers are dressed as Chewbacca and they’re talking through big hairy masks. Phil lauds Coach Jags down in Atlanta for his promotion to Offensive Line Coach with the Falcons and then Phil talks about how his wife is going to kick his b-u-t-t when she finds out he burned a hole in the rug at the beach. RC comes on to explain what happened when they yanked the plug on Phil prematurely Friday night at KFI because he was being, apparently, too funny. Phil goes through news about a nudist restaurant in New York and then has Paul “Tubby” Lane, former NASCAR driver on to talk about a move afoot in NASCAR that would allow the drivers to race after having a couple of drinks.

Posted in Classic Shows, David G. Hall, Phil Media

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Hour One:Bob Green, CEO of Fraser Foods is on to talk about his unhappiness with the delivery times he is getting out of drivers who work for him. His grocery stores guarantee delivery of groceries, deli items and party platters in 30 minutes or less but his drivers are too “gutless” to drive fast in the rain ands do other things necessary to get the job done, such as drive on sidewalks, the wrong way down one way streets and through peoples yards. Isaac Taylor…now there was a driver. Even though he ran a family of three off of the Ortega Highway, killing all three at the bottom of a ravine, he got a deli platter delivered on time.Hour Two:Chris Norton, a pharmaceutical rep, is organizing a free speech at work movement. He was honest with a co-worker when she brought her baby to work to show everyone. He said the kids face looked “pinched in.” This co-worker decided to have her desk moved to another part of the building. Chris thinks its restricting his right to free speech that she would punish him for saying what he said about her kid by moving her desk. After all, he’s attracted to her and wants to buy her “drinks.”Hour Three:Phil Reads a very funny e-mail marking the differences between him and Comb-Over Boy. One of them : ‘Boy tries to get his listeners “laid.” Phil doesn’t care whether his listeners get laid or not. Then the Cowboy Jim Show features Cowboy Jim telling the kids his wife is expecting a baby. The kids give him a cigar but it explodes and knocks Jim cold. When he comes too, his his haze, he tries to light it again….and it explodes again. This fades into Tom Ginden, some white dude trying to fill in for a black Jamaican disc jockey on some Rastafarian station in Jamaica. He gets chewed out by the owner of the station, both on air and off, who is an African-American that doesn’t want the Jamaicans to know he can’t stand them and only wants to make a little money. Phil then explains why leaving KFI is a good idea and talks about all-inclusive resorts. He then mentions his wife and kids are in Hawaii and then brings on Bill Arnsparger from the San Diego Zoo, a zoologist who can’t remember what an elephant is called among other things, and Bill has a Mina Bird that sounds just like Phil.

Posted in Chris Norton, Classic Shows, Phil Media

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Hour One:After preliminary hellos, Phil is joined by Bob Bakian from the Phil Hendrie Show News-Chopper reporting on masses of people embracing in joy and strangers kissing in the street because they just heard the NHL season was cancelled. Phil then goes on to say that in Canada, they don’t allow the NFL to operate so they can keep the Canadian game alive and viable. Phil thinks that’s a good idea and proposes we outlaw hockey here in America because what’s killing it is….America. We then played a listener request flashback featuring Paul “Tubby” Lane and his idea that male fans and their favorite NASCAR drivers should be able to take long walks on beaches and have dinners together to discuss racing without women and their stupid questions intruding. Norm Dunkin, an African-American inventor comes on with the Scrotum Tightener, a device that squeezes so tight a black mans voice gets higher and he sounds like white guy. Perfect for the business traveler who needs to sound white on the phone so he isn’t told “oh, you know what, we are full up tonight.” He also demonstrates the Cobb-O-Matic and…well…you can imagine what that does. Lets just say you can sound like an old person. Perfect for calling dinner theaters and getting a good table. Phil then reads some e-mail about his dead NBC pilot that’s up on the site over to the left there.Hour Two:Don Berman from the Channel 19 news room is on to talk about new, stringent FCC guidelines being proposed for broadcasters. He says they are welcome in light of the fact they protect children from indecent or improper material. But he cautions that once you file a complaint about a broadcaster, your name and address becomes public record and the disc jockey or talk show host you helped get fired, already working in a business with unstable people, may fuel himself on Benzedrine and Johnny Walker Black, gain access to your residence in the middle of the night, attack you in your bed and make a mask out of your flesh.Hour Three:Coast to Coast with Art Bell starts off the hour with General Johnson Jameson looking into the sun with his “particular dissolver telescope” and seeing some kind of hieroglyphic. He needs help from the listener. A caller decodes it to read “Comb-Over Boy Blows Chimps.” Denny Carlos Shout Out Night features Denny castigating the audience for not being more into the music scene. “Only 18 million of you suckers watched the Grammies. Many of my friends in the music industry were very deeply offended.” Then Phil talks about seeing truckers on the way to work trying to avoid jack-balls who are just begging to get incinerated in the classic car-truck confrontation. A Trucker calls, thanks Phil for his support and then tells Phil he’s just hanging around a rest stop looking for “a boy to share my life with.” On comes Dr. Jim Sadler with a new feature, “The Sadler Moment,” where he tells parents that, of course they shouldn’t kill their children, but there is nothing wrong with reminding them you are capable of it. Build a gallows in the backyard where the kids will see it going to and fro in their daily activities. Jeff Dowder calls to tell Phil and his listeners that the rats on Fear Factor are “de-toothed” so they don’t bite the contestants. He also says Fear factor is bogus unless it challenges two dudes to have sex with each other.

Posted in Classic Shows, Jeff Dowder, Phil Media

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Hour One:Phil started out with the “Art Donovan Commentaries, brought to you by Parker-Boles.” This guy Donovan starts screaming about “the negro entertainer Chris Rock” dumping on the Academy Awards. Then Phil pulls the Backstage Pass of some pain-in-the-rear portion listener. Phil mentions ‘Boy drives a Lexus and then starts talking about why he (Phil) bought a Jag and not a hybrid. Greg Grooms Gardening Tips comes on but Greg is arrested during the program and the police search his garden. They find the six month old remains of his wife, Sarah and Greg is taken away by police leaving Phil to finish his segment. Ted Bell comes on briefly to tell Phil his comments about the town of Aspen will not be recieved well by the Hollywood community. The Hal and Viola stall out their Piper Cub before they can get Phil’s advice on some unacceptable thing their spoiled grandson did.Hour Two:David G. Hall comes on to get the listeners input on something he is concerned about: the fact that Phil put up the picture of a little person, listener Jenifer, on his Wall of Female Listeners. He likens it to Melissa Etheridge going out on stage bald to “make fun of our fears of radiological bombs.” Then David sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” because that song reflects a time when dwarves could “stand tall.” Then we have a listener request of a Justin McElroy flashback and that’s who we have coming up in the last hour.Hour Three:Here’s Justin! On to talk about what could be an epidemic of older women coming on to younger men because of the Mary Kay Letourneau case. He wants them sedated. He has also started Zookeepers Anonymous, a group of young men trying to break their habit of sleeping with older women and The Beast Patrol, a 24 hour hotline to call and get help being protected from older women. Father James McQuarters comes on to update us on Michael Jackson. Its basically this: Michael Jackson is puking his guts up and Corey Feldman is a rat bastard. Phil then reads e-mail and David calls back to say if McQuarters gets to have Irish harp music played while he is on, David wants Doris Day music played while he’s on.

Posted in Classic Shows, Phil Media, Ted Bell

Monday, February 14, 2005

Hour 1:Margaret Grey called to say she doesn’t believe Melissa Etheridge has breast cancer and coming on the Grammies with a bald head to pretend she has been getting chemo is lower than low. She just wants to say she has breast cancer to be “clique” like everyone else. Phil points out no one watched the Grammies and so why is he doing this bit anyway. A listener flashback is played, this one featuring Herb Sewell who slept with his junior partners daughter and doesn’t care because he can fire her father if he complains. Phil comments on Bud’s Babe of the Week Oprah Winfrey and mentions that Maria and the kids are in Hawaii so he went out and got drunk Saturday night.Hour 2:Vernon Dozier is on to promote his book, The Wages of Sin: Surviving Road Rage. Vernon says through Jesus and therapy he is cured of road rage……except when he sees women using hands-free cell phones, flossing their teeth or putting on make-up while driving. He feels emasculated.Hour 3:The Jim Rome Show has Romey interviewing Jose Canseco until Jose starts shooting up steroids and morphs into an ape. He then strangles Jim and takes over the show, taking a few more calls while jabbering into the microphone. Phil then reads the news about Mary Kay Letourneau marrying the student she had sex with when he was 12. Phil theorizes that it’ll be about five years before we get the news that one has murdered the other and dismembered the body. The Dreen Flew Pet Show has Darren taking calls from dogs. One, a St Bernard named Ben calls in and Darren determines that the old lady who owns him doesn’t bath or groom him. Other dogs check in, a Dachshund named Carl, an Afghan named Gretchen and a Bulldog named Chuck who advises Ben to bite her and give her rabies. Harvey Weirman calls in with a legal review of the Letourneau case and he, as usual, can’t pronounce anything properly. And finally the show ends with play by play of the Dodgers vs. a team of blind musicians. The Dodgers get touched up in the first inning with Ray Charles getting a base hit and Stevie Wonder sending one over the center field wall.

Posted in Classic Shows, Phil Media, Vernon Dozier

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