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Monthly Archives: April 2005

Friday, April 29, 2005

Hour One:Clip from Coast To Coast AM where George Noory had Phil doing a Walter Cronkite impression to mess with Richard C. Hoagland’s head….Phil talked about doing pre-games for the Atlanta Falcons radio broadcasts…Florida becomes another state that will ticket creeps going slow in the fast lane…Flashback: The ever-popular “All You Can Eat Negro”….Phil orders Chinese but can’t understand the guy. Bud speaks Mandarin apparently so he jumps on the line….Another edition of “Scared Straight: Starbucks!!!”…..Hour Two:Herb Sewell gives everyone the willies by saying he’s moved into a neighborhood to “complete vital research” on a book he is writing and he hasn’t registered as a sex offender because he doesn’t want “over-eager house fraus coming down to my house and throwing rocks through the windows….” David G. Hall calls from his Friday night bowling league to say he doesn’t want Sewell on anymore. He tells Phil to talk more about Beckham. He’s “real popular over here.”……Phil teaches people how to surf the net. Just enter “gay man and a gay journalist” into any search engine…..Hour ThreeChris Norton wants to insure, through the pre-nup, that guys don’t have to take a polygraph if their fiancés or wives go missing….Stephanie, Mary, and Judy tell Chris that basically what he wants is the legal guarantee of not being prosecuted if a man kills his woman….Chris responds “he may go temporarily insane when he finds out she’s pregnant and leave her in a swamp under a bridge. It’s a quid pro quo for promising to marrying her in the first place.” He’s a turd

Posted in Chris Norton, Classic Shows, Phil Media

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Hour 1: Brass Villenueva is a valet at a swank West Los Angeles restuarant. He says that once you give him the keys to your car, he can, by law, use the car to “get a bucket at KFC or a sandwich….but only if it was an emergency.” In the past, valets that work for him have borrowed patrons cars only to be involved in police chases or traffic stops that turn into drug busts. Naturally Phil isn’t buying it but Brass says, “right there on the ticket it says we are not responsible for stolen and damaged property so I’m not resposnsible for it being stolen even though, technically, I stole it.”Hour 2: Steve Bosell, a contractor from Corona, California has filed a civil suit against a group of male neighbors who were over at his home playing ping pong. During the evening, Steve mentioned that he thought Osama Bin Laden was fashioning himself after some of the villains in the James Bond movies. His neighbor Roy Hutchins piped in and said, “Oh really Steve…then did Lex Luther bomb Pearl Harbor?” Everybody laughed including his son Steve Jr.Hour 3: Herb Sewell is on to talk about a documentary he is making about the mistreatment so many father’s get. And this becomes so apparent on Father’s Day. Herb’s three children haven’t talked to him in 7 years. They stopped around the time their mother died. On a family trip driving up the Grapevine, north of Los Angeles, Herb’s wife Diane started talking too much. Herb said he had a real problem with her not being quiet. The next thing Herb realized is that he was pushing her out of the car. He spent 6 years in a federal men’s facility.

Posted in Classic Shows, Phil Media, Steve Bosell

Phil on Dennis Miller Live

Posted in Classic TV

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Hour One:Margaret with the news flash that Mancow is coming to LA….David G.Hall says “get the whore off the air….”..Phil talks about Stan and Haney on WRXK…Margaret fights her way off of hold…Herb Sewell asks for pen pals for psychiatric inmate Walter Bellhaven….Dr Jim Sadler plays a PETA tape of a KFC employee having sex with a chicken…Farmer calls to talk about the great beak he got from a Rhode Island hen….Professor Husband Ginther with Chicken Jokes Containing Sexual Innuendo….C93, Pierre, South Dakota program director Darren Browne is forced to his knees and shot execution style by Bud…..Hour Two:Ted Bell tries to impress a beautiful African-American woman at a party by telling her he flies chartered jets every time he travels…..Ted says his employee Craig Lincoln is no big thing for flying first class….African American female caller reacts angrily, saying Ted simply wants a “black sex slave…”…Ted expresses opinion white men are naturally attracted to black woman but that the idea of a white woman being attracted to a black man makes him want to pick up a baseball bat….Ted says the white wives of white men get it and usually won’t interfere with their husbands affair if its with black woman….Hour Three:RC Collins of Bradley Military Academy wants to be 101st Airborne but would like the option of not jumping out of a plane into combat if it looks too hairy…..RC talks with a combat veteran who tells him he’d kick him out the door anyway. RC says “that would be murder”……..RC says that coming down in a parachute makes the target for any enemy on the ground quite obvious…He’s shooting up so “what do you think he’s going to hit first?….Phil says taking King of the Hill off of the air is Fox “trying to wring every last penny out of that half-hour “like they have their hands on a KFC chickens throat…”…Phil tells the story of the 101st at Bastogne in WW2…..

Posted in Classic Shows, Phil Media, Ted Bell

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Hour One:Jeff Dowder’s “What Would Jesus Do?” This week: What would Jesus do if he had to pay 40 bucks for a tank of gas…..Phil promotes his Dennis Miller appearance…..Phil tells fast lane ass-draggers that in Mexico they’d be shot….. Katie Couric in a feature called “Katie Couric in London listening to the Royal Family Babbling” The Royal Family is repeatedly attacked by surface to surface missiles but they keep talking……..Phil suggests the time has come to give Paris Hilton a news show….The Comb-Over Boy Show. Today’s topic: How to keep your Korean Boy in a semi-vegetative state while you have your way with him……Hour Two: Margaret Grey talks about her son Jason Jay Delmonico, a boy she and Frank adopted, and now he is in a movie. She’s proud because when you adopt a kid, according to Margaret, its like picking a perfectly good bologna sandwich out of a garbage pail……Hour ThreeBud tries to tell Phil there is something hanging out of his nose….Bob Bakian does some stupid shtick while reporting on a new Florida law. David G. Hall shoots Bob’s helicopter out of the sky with instructions to Phil not to let news, weather or traffic people do anymore shtick….Phil visits a San Quentin Death Row site and gives his listeners the heads up on who needs a pen pal….Officer Slauson of the US Border Patrol talks about stopping a family of illegal aliens trying to get into the US in a bowl of Wendy’s chili…Phil talks about the Brandon Hein case, a kid who got life without parole in the Golden State of California for basically doing nothing more than standing on a guys driveway……Hal and Viola Lavaliere call and talk with Phil while flying to Paris. They see what they think is the Eiffel Tower but its actually an oil platform in Signal Hill, Ca., so apparently they were flying in circles…..

Posted in Classic Shows, Jeff Dowder, Phil Media

Monday, April 25, 2005

Hour One:Rudy Canosa, owner of Je t’aime Lingerie discussed the Minutemen, a citizens group patrolling the border of Mexican looking for illegals. Rudy said that if they kept up that kind of pressure, illegals already in the United States would get upset and we might see more “fingers in bowls of chili.”Hour Two:Bob Green, owner of Frazier Foods, is, once again, being sued for sexual harassment; this time by a group of female customers who claim that, over the years, he has engaged in suggestive behavior. Their claims included an accusation that he had “Ladies Shopping Day” where he would offer free popscicles to women at the door and then photograph them throughout the store sucking on them. Another claim stated that Green would approach women customers and ask if they “knew where the corn was.” And finally, he had two women pose with corn dogs dipped in mayo under the pretense of it being a promotional picture.Hour Three:Phil hits a couple of funniest lines. The RC Collins calls to report on the big Star Wars Convention over the weekend. Phil later raps about how the Star Wars films contain graphic racial stereotyping and will probably be seen as the “Mein Kampf” of their day. Mavis Leonard calls to say she found part of an orangutan in her Wendy’s chili. The Cowboy Jim Show finds Cowboy Jim getting thrown off the air for emphasizing the fact that Cinco De Mayo celebrates the Mexicans defeat of a FRENCH force at Puebla, Mexico in 1862. Then David G. Hall, after Bud squeals, rips Phil for laughing about a proposed Dr. Laura promotional poster showing her in a karate stance. Phil promises Bud he’ll kill him with a phone chord.

Posted in Classic Shows, David G. Hall, Phil Media

Friday, April 22, 2005

Hour One:Steve Bosell is suing Las Vegas. He says he has gone there with the sole intention of going to his hotel room, taking a shower, putting on a nice cardigan sweater and a pair of Dockers and going down stairs to the tables to play black jack and drink ice water. But no sooner does he get off the plane then the doorman at the hotel is “sending messages telepathically” telling him to go to Olympic Gardens where Steve proceeds to get drunk and drop 1500 bucks on lap dances.Hour Two:Phil announces the pilot he was a part of is done. Then Phil takes credit for having spotted this “finger in the chili” hoax way back when the whole thing broke. Some chick calls the show to say she thinks its funny but also racist and sexist. Then Phil tells Bud to take Phil’s cat Ruffle into the office because its making too much noise. So he does. The next thing, Phil goes to a call and its the cat meowing into the phone.Hour Three:Art Bell and General Johnson Jameson, with the help of the listeners, decipher a coded message being sent by a race of microbe sized people living on a slide under General Jameson’s Nuclei Microscope. The message says: “You are a walking arse log.” Then Phil talks about how the automobile is obsolete and the only thing keeping it alive is the ego-fixation people have with it. David Hall calls to say he has found a man’s “thing” in his fish and chips and is suing the fast food chain that he bought it from tomorrow morning. Phil doesn’t believe him. Then Jeff Dowder calls to recap some food myths: that brewery workers peed into the Corona vats in Mexico and that someone found a derby hat in a jar of Gerber’s Strained Peaches.

Posted in Classic Shows, Phil Media, Steve Bosell

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Hour 1: Don Berman from the Channel 19 news room is on to talk about new, stringent FCC guidelines being proposed for broadcasters. He says they are welcome in light of the fact they protect children from indecent or improper material. But he cautions that once you file a complaint about a broadcaster, your name and address becomes public record and the disc jockey or talk show host you helped get fired, already working in a business with unstable people, may fuel himself on Benzedrine and Johnny Walker Black, gain access to your residence in the middle of the night, attack you in your bed and make a mask out of your flesh.Hour 2: David G. Hall, VP of Syndication, says the one thing a man wants to hear from other men is…”My compliments on the beautiful woman you are with.” David wants to make sure he hears that every time he is out with his new fiancé Gretchen. She is 5’5″, 102 lbs and looks like Carmen Electra. If David doesn’t hear that compliment about Gretchen, he is going to rethink their relationship. Obviously it means she is not beautiful enough.Hour 3: Vernon Dozier’s wife has been in a coma for the last 2 years. He wants to honor her families wishes by keeping the feeding tube in her but the bills are piling up and he has recently started dating a 30 something flight attendant/tennis player who is “high maintenance.” He says that unfortunately he may be forced to remove his wife’s feeding tube if he doesn’t get a piece of his father-in-laws lucrative building supply business.

Posted in Classic Shows, David G. Hall, Phil Media

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Hour 1: Raj has a theory that natural born Americans couldn’t pass their own countries citizenship test…but they are very knowledgeable when it comes to fast food.Hour 2: Bobbie and Steve Dooley were on last night to talk about the wonderful topiary ( a bush carved to look like something) Steve created in their front yard that looks like Bobbie breasts. Bobbi feels that as the HOA president she needs to have a monument of some kind, like Lincoln has the Lincoln Memorial.Hour 3: Steve Bosell files another lawsuit against his wife, this time for letting everyone know he reads Modern Bride…also a listener flashback request of Harvey Weirman babbling and Phil read some e-mail about what a stinking hypocrite he is not buying a hybrid.

Posted in Classic Shows, Phil Media, Steve Bosell

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Hour One:Lloyd Bonafide is insistent that when the youth center he and his wife financially support has its teen formal dance for underprivileged youth, a song he wrote called “I Gotta Rock” be played by the band. The songs lyrics go “I gotta rock, I gotta rock, for God’s sake do I have to rock.”Hour Two:Paul “Tubby” Lane believes the time honored racing tactic of “drafting” can be used on freeways to save gasoline. Smaller cars can draft behind larger “gas pigs.” If the car in front slows down, you pull the wheel left or right and slingshot past traffic so fast, you can “put your feet up on the dash and catch some REM sleep.”Hour Three:David G. Hall is on Hollywood Blvd. for Ryan Seacrest’s Hollywood Star. He wants Phil to start talking about the new Pope but do it in a way that doesn’t repeat everything people have been saying already, like him having been in the Hitler Youth. Phil fails so David suggest Phil do it with a Chinese accent. Then Phil reads a note from Brian Grant’s publicist asking that Phil back off the Brian Grant impressions. Phil raps about how the a Pope getting elected doesn’t do diddly to the stock market. The Phil reads some “Funniest Show Lines” but realizes he is repeating a lot of lines from before, So he takes a call from Nick Holovak, a crossing guard who repeats stuff he heard on the cross walk this morning.

Posted in Classic Shows, David G. Hall, Phil Media

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