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This Is Complete Bullshit

This would be the best $6000 you’d ever spend. These are pictures of a Swedish doll made of silicone.The texture of the skin is similar to 99.8% of the human skin. It will last two years if used constantly and consistently every day. Completely adjustable to any position you want.. There are 100 sensors spread around the body. There are 30 sensors on the private parts. Each sensor makes her move in a specific way, up to 20 positions. On penetration she emits a light gentle sound that echoes gently in your ears. Comes with inbuilt sound in the throat and recognizes up to 16 commands that are extremely personal up to two meters away from her ears.When there is any type of pulsation sensed in her private parts she emits light moans of stimulation.Above all that she gets wet with a slight touch over any of the sensors.Most important, she has a voice password which should be protected from disclosure. 
Principal characteristics:
She has three entries (vaginal , anal, and oral)She can move her head in any direction you choose.
Completely customizable to your liking so you can

Choose the following: 
    SIZE 
    HEIGHT 
    SKIN COLOR
    EYES COLOR 
    HAIR COLOR  
 
    PUBIC HAIR COLOR OR COMPLETELY SHAVEN. 
 

Only  $6,000.00

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“Margaret Grey’s A Little Bird Told Me”: Vince Neil arrested on DUI charge

by Margaret Grey

Vince-Neil Vince Neil, he of Motley Crue, attempted to gain some news ink for himself and his band in the usual manner last night by getting arrested in Las Vegas on a drunken driving charge. The Mötley Crüe singer was being held-down….I mean, held at the Clark County jail pending a shower, some breakfast and a court appearance.

There are no further details at present but Neil wisely chose driving while inebriated because people will think “Oh, No, a relapse!” given the frontman’s 1984 drunk driving charge when he had an accident that killed his passenger, Hanoi Rocks drummer Nicholas “Razzle” Dingley. While not killing anyone this time, it’s still the first significant play he’s had in the press since Jesus -knows-when. By the way, in the 1984 accident, Neil was subsequently sentenced to a mere 30 days in jail and he was segregated from the rest of the OC Jail population so it’s no wonder he’d decide to drink and drive again. In fact, the question is “What took him so long?” That’s if anyone with brains is asking it. Motley Crue fans won’t.

The timing of the incident is obvious for Neil given that both his new CD, and his forthcoming memoir, are titled Tattoos and Tequila. Neil also has his own tequila line, Tres Rios, and earlier this month opened the Vince Neil Tres Rios Cantina at the Las Vegas Hilton. Tres Rios is not Cabo Wabo but Vince Neil is not Sammy Hagar and Motley Crue is not Montrose and…well, you get it.

By the way, as expected and to add to the mystery, Vince Neil’s spokesperson was unavailable for comment.

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Vic Prell’s Daily Virgo Horoscope

Hi everybody, I’m Vic Prell with today’s Vic Prell Daily Virgo Horoscope that’ll help you know a liddlebidabowdyerself and help others know a liddlebidabowdyerself too because this can be a great day for you and the people you love especially knowing that today, Virgo, is a good day to take a few chances with money because you know Virgo taking chances with money is a good thing to do every now and then knowing that this world is a challenging place but it doesn’t have to be so long as you follow that inner voice and pay attention to the stars that can be your guide in times of uncertainty and financial stress because before you know it things begin to come your way in spiritual as well as material ways and you know that while the rest of the world is going to hell in a shiitter sure as the Lord made Green fucking Apples you don’t have to wait and rot with the rest of the losers out there when you can take a chance and in the process know a liddlebidabowdyerself and maybe get to know a liddlebidabowdyerself and make some fucking money too for the first time in your horseshit life and if you do I’d like to invite you to do something completely unique and send me a postcard or a post-it note or anything, maybe even some used toilet paper with chicken scratch on the back, thanking me for the good Virgo horoscope that you read and acted on because I rarely get anyone thanking me and its the least you could do so could you do that please with sugar on it and show me some God damned respect!

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Some Steve Bosell Lawsuits

*Steve Bozell has been taken to task by G. Gordon Liddy (of Watergate fame)on his nationally syndicated radio show for being one of the most litigous characters in America.

 Lawsuits etc.

  • His first lawsuit was against the County of Riverside for false advertising since their Chamber of Commerce brochures did not inform him about their hot weather so he wanted to get reimbursed for his $800 a month air conditioning bill.
  • A lawsuit against the Parks and Recreation Department of the city of Riverside for putting a blue dye in their public pool that activated when one urinated in the pool. Steve was very embarrassed when he was caught urinating in the pool. As he left the pool after urinating, the blue evidence was everywhere. His whole family laughed at him.
  • That same pool is being sued by Bozell because they had dive sticks in the pool and he was doing cannon ball dives into the pool. He landed on a dive stick and it went into his ass. he stepped out of the pool to the laughter of all the people there as the dive stick flopped around in the crack of his ass. Aired 6-24-99
  • NASA is another source of Bozell’s litigation after it cancelled his trip on the space shuttle as an engineer. He had purchased a fancy helmet and wanted reimbursement. Aired 11-4-98
  • The company who built Steve’s jacuzzi is also being sued because his wife April learned that she could use the jets to get sexual pleasure. This incensed Steve as he felt his marriage was in danger since April had found someone or something better than him!!
  • Steve was a vegetarian and his wife and his best friend served him a meat meal as a joke. But Steve was eating jew jims because he thought that certain parts of a pig were kosher and therefore not meat!!! Aired 10-15-98
  • Steve Bosell (with a deeper Southern accent here) is filing suit against a hospital after they refuse him treatment and he’s forced to amputate both of his arms and part of his own leg… with the plastic knife and spoon from his dinner plate.Submitted by Bill of Shuck and Jive
  • Steve is also suing a Civil War reenactment group because he did not know that the Confederates lost and that he would be killed in the reenactment. This was a cause of embarrassment to him in front of his family watching. Aired 7-6-98
  • He is suing AAMCO because he got scared during one of their radio commercials with the BEEP BEEP. He lost control of his car and ran in to a bus killing all the kids on the bus. Aired 9-14-98
  • Steve sued his neighbor one time for brandishing a shotgun at him. The neighbor was mad because he walked outside to find Steve hovering over and behind the neighbor’s dog naked. Steve was mad that the dog was barking at him all the time and was using a technique to show the dog who was dominant. Steve thought the dog was “trying to ridicule him.”
  • Steve sued another neighbor that had a mynah bird. Every day as Steve came home from work, the mynah bird would make disparaging remarks to Steve. He was further harassed later when he started receiving threatening phone calls. He discovered after Star 69ing the calls that it was the mynah bird making the calls.
  • A lawsuit against Britany Spears, Wango Tango and Rick Dees for alienation of marital affection. He was so turned on by young 16 year old Britany Spears that he was no longer turned on by his wife. He just fantasized about her big breasts and areolas. In fact, Steve could not even say breast, boobs, tits, hogans or any word about breasts without stuttering. Aired 6-14-99
  • Steve sued his neighbor for taking video of him soiling his pants when he was scared to death on the golf course by a wandering coyote. He was particularly concerned when he saw a FEDEX truck pull up to his neighbor’s to pick up the video for America’s Funniest Home Videos. Aired 5-18-99
  • A lawsuit against a lumber company for failing to warn of dangers with their lumber. He was on a construction site, saw a pretty Asian girl get out of a Corvette and got turned on. So he grabbed a piece of lumber, WD40 and Paul’s Plumbers Putty
    and had relations with the board. To further the experience he twirled the board (simulating having sex with the Asian girl on a twirling love chair) and got splinters all over his privates. He felt the company should have had a warning on the lumber about this potential problem. And Paul’s Plumbing Putty should warn its users that it is not a good lubricant for knothole sex!Aired 5-4-00
  • Steve once sued a friend of his, who is an airline captain, for putting a dildo wrapped in aluminum foil in his suitcase. Thus, when Steve went through security at LAX, the foil set off the detector and subsequently they pulled a dildo out of his suitcase. Of course everyone started laughing at him, which caused him to yell throughout the airport that the dildo wasn’t his, and that he does not put dildo’s up his butt. Obviously this created even more attention for Steve, and soon the whole terminal was laughing at him. Thus, he sued his friend for “making him look like a fool.” (where have we heard that before?)
  • Another lawsuit is pending against the phone company because Bozell feels the Star 69 feature is an invasion of his privacy since his ex-wife can use it to find out that his phone calls are coming from him.
  • A while back Steve got sick and went to the bathroom to take his temperature anally. He did not want to wake his family so he left the lights off and did not realize that he was inserting a BIC pen up his ass. Aired 5-26-98
  • He is suing the Club company because his son started driving the car without realizing that the club must be removed before starting the car and crashed. Steve, as always feels there should be a warning label! Aired 5-26-99
  • He is suing the Corona library because he wanted to have a forum to explain that he was not gay which they all assumed that he was when he returned his wife’s copy of The Bridges of Madison County. The librarian directed him to the gay section of the library and that made him cry. Aired 2-28-00
  • Steve Bozell sued a boating buddy last summer for making fun of him and encouraging laughter from Steve’s wife and son. It seems it had taken boating safety a little too seriously. When his buddy got up to “dangerous speeds”, Bozell got so scared he dove into the water screaming “We’re going down!” This happened several times that afternoon. Later Phil determined the boat was only going five miles per hour!
  • Shortly after Steve’s mother’s funeral, he sued the makers of the Furby toy. His daughter’s Furby began to spout obscenities in the limo in which Bozell and his family were returning from the funeral. Steve figured that the Furby had chosen Steve’s most vulnerable moment to taunt him. Amid the family’s laughter, Steve wrestled with the Furby and tried to get it to shut up. He finally threw it out the car window.
  • A Chinese restaurant is being sued for failing to warn Steve that their fortune cookies have a paper fortune in each cookie. Steve nearly choked to death not knowing there was paper inside the fortune cookie.
  • Last winter Steve initiated a lawsuit against the California Highway Patrol. It took him three hours to go from Fontana to Northridge to a job site. Then on the way home he was pulled over for weaving. CHPs originally thought he was drunk. When he got out of the car, his pants were down exposing his manhood. Steve was both embarrassed and upset when the officer made comments to him like “what caliber is that thing?” As Phil questioned Steve further it seems that Steve “handles himself” when under stress. His stress was caused by his upset and concern about the recent unexpected departure of John and Ken from KFI drivetime. He had no idea what had happened and did not know if he would hear them again. He was very stressed and did this to relieve that stress. And of course the CHPs found the fact that he was doing this while Karel and Andrew (gay talk show hosts on LA’s KFI radio station) were blaring on his radio very funny. Steve immediately called his lawyer. Aired 3-25-99
  • He is suing Erin Brockovitch for having a spontaneous emission when looking at a poster of her. He fainted right after seeing the poster and was made fun of by the paramedics who treated him for saying that he would need a change of pants. Aired 2000
  • During a chili cook-off, Steve burned his rear end so bad he needed a donut to sit for a week after. He did not know chili could get that hot!! He wanted to sue the cook for public embarrassment, rectal bleeding and burning. Aired 1-12-00
  • Bozell wanted to sue Universal Studios in Los Angeles after he visited there on their special Halloween Fright Night. It seems that Steve soiled himself after a devil popped out and frightened him to death. All of his kids and their friends then made fun of him for the rest of the night. Steve seems to frighten easily. Aired 10-27-98
  • Steve is suing his neighbor, Roy Hutchins, for making fun of him for buying all these cases of KY Jelly which he had bought in anticipation of being raped by Road Warriors after the chaos of Y2K.
  • Steve was embarrassed at Albertson’s after he was arrested for shoplifting. He was taking stuff because he had heard the ad that said that Albertson’s was his store so he thought all the stuff was his stuff.
  • In early April, 2000 there was an article in USA Today saying that a study showed that men with ring fingers longer than their middle fingers were likely to be homosexual. While at work Steve was working on a door frame and a co-worker came by, saw that his ring finger was longer than his middle finger, and said “I’m surprised you have children. Read it and weep.” and he tossed the newspaper at Steve. Steve frantically read through the paper until he found the article. When he read it he began crying. He was suing over embarrassment and sexual harassment. Though he said he wasn’t homosexual, he said he might be because the article said he could be. If he was homosexual than it would be sexual harassment… but he isn’t homosexual… but he might be. Aired in April 2000
  • Prior to El Nino/La Nina arriving, there were dire warnings from the National Weather Service about the pending storms. Steve, always one to be prepared, went out and put a lot of money into storm proofing his roof. When the storms failed to materialize, Steve was furious he “had been duped” and wanted to get his money back so he was suing the National Weather Service. He even went so far as to have ads on LA Radio station KFI asking for others to join him in a class action law suit.
  • Steve is suing Mattel because he was turned on by the new sexy Barbie which caused him embarrassment in front of his young daughter while they were at the store. Aired 2-11-00
  • On Mother’s Day 2000 Steve took his family on a drive to Olivera Street in LA. While crossing the street, he was swept up in the Million Mom March. Further embarrassing him was the fact that a sign was thrust into his hands saying he was a mom opposed to guns. Steve was completely embarrassed as he is pro-gun. He marched with the group for three blocks until he was pulled out of the crowd by a security guard. On returning to his family, his kids made fun of him and were saying now they had two moms. Later that nite, April his wife started biting his nipples during love-making. Clearly, according to Bozell, she sees him as a woman since she has never done that before. April also mentioned he smelled like tuna. Later his kids painted his toe nails. He wants an apology from the organizers of the march or he will sue for a variety of reasons. Aired 5-15-00
  • Steve was terribly embarrassed on 5-22-2000 when he used the Andy Gump porta potty at his work site. He does not lock the Andy Gump because he was locked inside one once for several hours. This time he had his overalls down at his ankles and was bent over to pull them up when Cliff Pettigrew opened the Gump door exposing Bozell’s ass to the world. To make matters worse, Cliff said,”Hey everyone. Bozell is showing us his ass. Look at the mo!!” (homosexual) Poor Steve then fell out of the portapotty and fell face first on the asphalt. Not only was he further embarrassed to tears but he severely burned the tip of his penis. His attorney Bill Blasingame is filing litigation against Pettigrew for public embarrassment and physical injury to Steve’s member. Aired 5-22-00
  • Steve has now sued Oscar Meyer for the way they make their hot dogs. He had a BBQ for his family and employees over Memorial Day Weekend and was grilling Oscar Meyer hot dogs and bratwurst. He chomped down on a dog with mayonaisse and had mayo all over his face. One of his employees commented that it looked like he really liked dogs. Steve replied that he loved dogs. All the employees laughed because they thought Steve said he liked “dongs”. As April, his wife, explained to him later, with the dog in his mouth and mayo all over his face he looked like he just took one in the face.So he called Oscar Meyer to suggest that they make hot dogs in another non-sexual shape like a loaf of bread. They hung up on him so he is suing them for his public embarrassment.Aired May 30, 2000
  • Steve has been forced to sue again after having dinner at the Olive Garden in Corona last Saturday. He wears spurs as part of the Cowboy look he affects and came out of the bathroom with dirty toilet paper stuck to one of his spurs. The entire restaurant and his whole family were laughing hysterically. The busboy then asked Bozell if he was in intestinal distress. Ashely, Steve’s four year old asked if Daddy had to go poo. April, his wife and his son, Steve Jr. were pounding the table and crying. Steve wants to sue the Olive Garden for the busboy’s comments and the fact that they hung the paper hanger wrong. He wants to sue his wife and older kid. And he wants to sue Charmin because if their toilet paper were truly as soft as they say it is it would not have stuck to him. Aired 6-6-2000
  • Steve recently threw a party for his friends. He went out and installed over $8,000 worth of sprinkler systems which he had bought at COSTCO. His idea was to have the party goers run through the sprinklers as he had as a child. He also served soft drinks and not liquor because he is a recovering alcoholic. He even had one female party goer get spreadeagle under one of the noodle pop up sprinklers because as he told her, “It always made me feel good as a child.” His neighbor Roy leaned over the fence and told all his guests to come over to Roy’s because Roy had liquor and a real pool to cool off in. All the guests took Roy up on his offer. So Steve has talked to his attorney, William Blasingame and is suing his neighbor Roy for alienation of affection of his guests. He is also suing COSTCO for failing to place a warning on their irrigation systems saying that it would flop at an adult party without liquor.Aired 6-13-00
  • Steve was suing New Line Cinema who made the movieBoogie Nights Steve was shocked by Mark Wahlberg’s unit size and was later shocked to realize that it was a prosthetic. So he was suing New Line Cinema for not putting in a disclaimer on Wahlberg and his Johnson.
  • Steve Bozell is thinking about suing Quentin Tarantino for reckless endangerment and alienation of affections over his movie Reservoir Dogs. Steve was lying around the house without pants on while he was watching the movie and saw a scene where a woman crazy-glued a man’s penis to his stomach. Steve claims some kind of backward masking or subliminal message in the movie caused him to superglue his penis to his stomach. His wife came home, saw what happened, laughed and told the children, “You need to go next door to the Hutchins, I have to take Elmer to the emergency room”. He was humiliated! While at the emergency room, Steve saw an attractive nurse which caused severe discomfort and inflammation, and his penis expanded exponentially; this created discomfort and jokes from the doctor. The doctor said, “Interesting choice of lubricant sir”. He was humiliated! He also wants to sue the makers of Crazy Glue for not having a warning telling not to glue your penis to your stomach and the doctor at the emergency room.
  • Steve as (owner of B & B Construction) is suing Pettigrew New Home Concepts (owned by a former employee) for $15 million, for alienation of affections (the white employees affections for Steve and from his wife because he won’t make enough money to take her to Tahiti), tortuous business practices, and he’s looking for a restraining order to prevent Pettigrew from having a job within 2 blocks of a B & B job. Pettigrew hires really good Mexicans and Steve hires white employees – Pettigrew’s team gets paid the same, but gets the job done faster and better, not to mention a longer lunch break. Pettigrew told his employees in Spanish, “We’re gonna put that monkey out of business”. The Mexican’s don’t even take their shirts off because they can stand the sun, and that makes Steve’s white employees feel bad! As an aside, Steve gets so upset Phil is complementing other callers he tries to kill himself by swallowing a handful of tranquilizers! Aired 7-14-00
  • Steve is ponderng a lawsuit against both Cliff Pettigrew, his construction foreman and Men In Touch with Men, a men’s support group for public embarrassment and possible loss of business. Steve went out to a bar with Pettigrew and later went with him to what he thought was a party. It was mostly men at someone’s house. The men were telling stories and crying and beating drums. Later they even were shaving their pubic area. Steve was moved by the group and took part in all the activities. Then Steve realized that the caterer of the party was one of his clients whose wife is a big blabbermouth. Steve now fears that his attendance and behavior at this party will be featured in the Orange County register. This would cause great damage to Steve and his company B&B Construction of Corona. Aired late July 2000
  • Steve Bozell wore a new pair of plastic and leather pants to a Bon Jovi concert, where he bent over and the back of his leather pants split from beneath the belt to the zipper (under the bulge-scrotal area) Steve’s ass and genitalia were exposed! People pointed and laughed! Steve is considering suing Jeans Discount Pleather (where he bought the jeans), his marriage counselor, Bon Jovi and his wife! Says his wife; “I don’t want to have sex with you cause I’ve had to stare at your junk all night and it’s shriveled up because of the cold”.Aired 12-5-00
  • Steve went and saw the movie, Pearl Harbor, but was humiliated to find out, after giving the movie a standing ovation during the closing credits, that the main characters were fictional. He was called a “dumbass” by both Craig Taylor, another patron of the twinplex in banning, and the theater manager, all in front of Steve’s son. Steve is suing Pearl Harbor film makers, Craig Taylor, the Banning Cineplex (with over two fine movie screens to serve you) and Ben Afleck, all for public humiliation.
  • With the onset of war in Afghanistan, Steve had to sue two friends and their wives. They came to his house for a dinner party with deep tans. Steve views their “darkening up” as unpatriotic and frightening. In his lawsuit, Steve claims “torturous interference with the ability to achieve rational thought”, “extreme emotional anguish by presenting the possibility of being Arabian” and “profound mental rape for ridiculing and demeaning [steve].” He also wants tanning salons shut down during the war in Afghanistan. In a related incident, Steve was charged with domestic battery for inadvertantly hitting his wife while trying to wrestle cocoa butter away from her.
  • Steve Bozell had a problem at a security gate at Los Angeles Airport. He was wearing star shaped sunglasses, a hat with ostrich feathers, a pink bandanna (that belonged to Roy Rogers), a $2,000 pair of lambskin dress riders, boots with spurs on them. The spurs set off the metal detector. A guard gave Steve a hand pat down, Steve got an erection, Steve turned to the side and one of the security men said, “My God, you look like you’re in the Village People”. Steve panicked and ran for the bathroom, one of the security guards grabbed him, and Steve lost his mud! Of course, Delores Blasingme is suing for Steve again. Aired 3-22-02
  • When Steve Bosell got home on Friday, he was upset to find his neighbor Roy Hutchins having a barbeque and having his hot tub running on Good Friday. To make a point, Steve pushed barbed wire around his head and said to Roy, “I died on your cross so you could have your cookout.” He then went into his garage and made a make-shift cross, nailed one of his daughters dolls on it and made it look like Jesus and splashed ketchup on the head and the hands, and he then raised it above the fence… and what did Roy do? He just put more butter on his corn. Roy then called the police and said that Steve was harassing him. And what do you know, Steve is suing as usual for public humilation. Aired 3-29-02
  • Steve Bosell says if you know Catholics or live around Catholics, you could be risk. Steve just found out that his neighbors the Hutchins were Catholic, and Steve contacted his attorney because he remember the last two times he’s gone camping with Roy Hutchins, while sharing a tent, when he woke up in the morning, he was bleeding from his rectum, and he thinks Roy raped him! He also wants to sue Alta Deena dairy because maybe the cheese caused constipation which caused his rectal bleeding, hence they are responsible for product abuse because it made him bleed which made him think he was raped. Aired 5/3/02
  • Steve Bozell of Corona, CA discusses the War on Terror along with the recent terrorist warnings issued today by the FBI. Mr.Bozell feels that because of his wife and kids, he is a target for terror and therefore has decided to leave them behind and move to Norway until the FBI gives the “all clear.” In addition, he has joined up with attorney Delores Blasingame and filed a legal claim against his wife April for pulling access to his checking account and for mental cruelty at the hands of a terrorist attack. Yes, there’s nothing Steve is more afraid of than being “exploded” and he’s willing to take any measure necessary to make sure he’s not next!! Aired 5/21/02
  • Finally, Steve is now going to sue Phil Hendrie for running segments which are now causing him embarrassment all over the country since Phil is now syndicated. Aired 5-9-00
  • * From the website Lawsuits of Steve Bosell  http://www.angelfire.com/ca4/philhendrie/lawsuits.html

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Steve Bosell-Bio

Nothing says “frivolous, whining pussy” quite like Steve Bosell. Since moving to Corona, Califiornia with his wife April and two children, Steve Jr. and April Jr., Steve Bosell has garnered national, if not, international attention for the lawsuits he’s filed. Using the offices of Delores Blasingame, an attorney in Riverside, California, Mr. Bosell has sued his wife, his children, a friends pet mynah bird, the friend, his church, his employees, presidents, kings..it doesn’t much matter to Steve Bosell. He feels he has cause if anyone makes him “look like a fool.” Quick to tears, sometimes to the point he has to leave the room, run into the master bedroom of his house and bury his face in a pillow, Mr. Bosell has a small pond on his property where he often is during interviews, listening to the frogs and crickets and “getting my head together.” In fact, speaking of that, he sued the state of California after 911 saying that family law in the state didn’t allow for him to leave the country, move to Norway and collect himself after being frightend almost to death by the attacks. He once sued his next door neighbor, Roy Hutchins, for growinjg a zucchini so large it was “this John Holmes-lookin’ thing” that he then showed off to Steve’s wife and daughter. And of course there was the famous lawsuit against the San Bernadino Parks and Recreation Department because a dive stick got wedged “in my crack” when Steve was doing cannoballs with his son at a public pool. Steve said he was subjected to ridcule and humiliation when he got out of the pool and the stick was “hanging out of my butt. All I could do was walk as calm as I could and just pretend like everything was cool. But I knew that it wouldn’t be”

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Jay Santos-Bio

The Citizens Auxiliary Police was founded in 1996 by a Major Elvis Newton in Torrance, California. Newton, himself a shadowy figure with some past military association, is said to have handed down his idea for an aggressive civilian police auxiliary to Jay Santos, a neighbor, while sitting in a darkened living room, chain smoking Pall Malls. Organized loosely arouind the rank and leadership structure of The Federation of Planets, a ficticious entity from televisions ‘Star Trek’ series, the CAP says its mission is to “take a peek over the shoulder of the police.” They view themselves as being “on the front lines of law enforcement” though they take they’re only real authority from the legal concept of “citizens arrest.” They’re “official” uniform is a pith or safari helmet, a blue arm-band, bermuda shorts and wing-tips with knee socks. Among their various ranks are SubCommander, Brigadier Admiral (Jay’s rank which seems to be second in command for the entire CAP) and the leaders rank of Major, held by Elvis Newton who hasn’t been seen in public for many years. The CAP apparently has sister organizations throughout the United States. These include the Gator Brigade (Florida) The Beaver Battalion or Beave Battalion (Oregon) West Texas Range Riders (Texas)  and the New York State Simulated Police (New York) For a listener’s idea of what Jay looks like, please see the caricature accompanying this article.

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Ted Bell-Bio

The owner/operator of Ted’s Of Beverly Hills is continually at odds with himself: Does he let kids who suffer from cancer sit in his Laker courtside seats thus risking being seen with little, bald freaks or does he just renege on his promise. Either way, Ted’s still an asshole. But an asshole we can appreciate because it’s all about the only thing thing Ted knows. PR. Ted believes…and who can argue….that anything in this world can be dealt with if you’ve got good enough spin. …..So, saying it’s embarrassing sitting next to a child who has lost hair due to chemo makes sense to Ted. Additionally, those of you familiar with recent shows know that Ted won’t be seen next to what he calls “rolly-polly” (since he won’t use the politically incorrect ‘fat’) kids. As Adam Carolla put it on a recent show, if TV adds ten pounds what do you figure a Jumbo-tron adds? And to a fat kid, no less?? Ted has an image to keep up. He’s….(pause, pause, pause)……Ted Bell…