Professor Don Micksa was on to explain that Tony Heyward of BP taking in a yacht race is much worse than Obama playing golf, all while the oil from BP’s well continues to leak into the Gulf. Obama playing golf sends the message to black people that its safe to play golf now and you can even have a white caddie. Heyward on the other hand is going yachting and he hasn’t even done up his fly after raping the Gulf…..Later on Margaret Grey talked with us about the animal magnetism of Joran Van Der Sloot while she sang the song “Psycho Killer”
06-21-10 stories and audio CHARACTER // CHARACTER // OPEN TV ratings: U.S. Open finals secure Sunday win for NBC ‘Toy Story 3’ breaks records at box office, ‘Jonah Hex’ bombs *U.S.-Slovenia Ref Left Out of Next World Cup Games 10 Most Hated National Sports Figures: Michael Vick tops list *Who’s Lying? White House Denies Kyl’s Immigration Story *Man Jumps Onto Truck as Dare, Then Calls 911 When it Doesn’t Stop *White House mocks BP CEO’s yacht race, defends Obama golf Van der Sloot declines to give statement in court appearance; retracts confession Six Surprising Six-Figure Jobs with No Degree Required The 9 cars bought mostly by women British Police criticised for staging mock burglaries *Thousands Cheer for Champion Lakers During Victory Parade; Some Angry at Lack of Porta-Potties Is Your Child’s Lifeguard a Sex Offender? ‘American Idol’ accepts 15 year-olds, no word on new judge State Lawmakers Jack Up Cigarette Tax By $1.60 Per Pack ; Packs Now Cost More than $11 in NYC Supreme Court upholds controversial part of Patriot Act Calif. license plates might go digital, show ads The 10 worst BP gaffes in Gulf oil spill. Faisal Shahzad calls Times Square bomb plot ‘war,’ pleads guilty New color on historic house irks neighbors 7th-Graders Discover Mysterious Cave on Mars *Kids Think Food Tastes Better From Cartooned Packages NY TIMES BESTSELLERS
With the Lakers less than an hour away from making their debut along the parade route, I can’t find a place to do you-know-what and I’ve just had a Sunrise Sandwhich from Carls Jr.
I just talked to Valerie and Vanessa Romero and their cousin, Alyssa Gonzalez, all three in precious Daisy Duke shorts, cowboy boots, black leotards and huge, gold cowboy hats-outfits that were instant magnets for many male Laker fans — and the ladies could care less. Along with me, they’re looking for some privacy.
What they want is a bathroom.
At least 20 Porta-Potties, no bargain when it comes to a comfortable place to sit and do the do, were set up at the beginning and end of the parade route, but many people had either not spotted them or were in search of shorter lines. Lakers spokesman John Black said the bathrooms were the city’s responsibility. And guess what? The city’s sanitation district people could not be reached for comment because they’ve already knocked off and are playing Pinnocle.
Cristina Mendez, 19, said she had walked a few blocks along Figueroa Street without seeing any restrooms. She tried Wing Stop restaurant at Figueroa and 23 streets. But there was a long line and the restroom, for the sadistic kicks of the employees, was only opened to paying customers. Cristina told me that was too high a price to pay, risking severe dysentary just so she’s got a place to sprint to and squat.
She told me she was going to keep looking.
“FYI, they should really put some Porta-Potties out here next time,” she said. No shit. Or I mean too much shit.
KNX radio reported that some folks were ducking into alleyways to relieve themselves. The KNX reporter on site said he tried it and it was great in a pinch. One Channel 4 reporter, identified on Twitter as @BeeRacasa, tweeted “Phew” after she finally found relief in a coffee can behind a gas station.
In front of Staples Center, police in groups of two stood guard in front of LA Live. The No. 1 question they were repeatedly being asked: “Where’s the restroom?”
“They’re coming up every 15 seconds, every 30 seconds,” said Officer Javier Tafoya. For thrills, Tafoya and Officer George Montoya told people they had no idea and if people were really having a problem they should go ahead and find an alley or an abandoned building. “It’s fun,” said Montoya “because we need to have some laughs too, you know.”
Sitting in the front row at the start of the parade route was Palmdale resident Vashawn Hicks, 21, who stood up occasionally shaking his leg, trying to dry it off after he went by accident in his shorts.
Even though he arrived at 3 a.m. and had been complaining to his friends for hours, Hicks said he wasn’t going to move.
“I’m not going to lose my spot,” Hicks said. “These are the Lakers we’re talking about. So what you’re thinking is true. I’ll shit my pants no problem and just live with it. Thats’ what these pricks didn’t expect, that Laker fans will shit themselves and sit in it just for the chance to see our heroes right here in this here parade.”
About 10:15 a.m., a Los Angeles sanitation truck dropped off eight portable toilets near a Chevron Station at Figueroa and Washington streets, where a long line of people had formed outside waiting to buy food and use the bathroom.
“There were calls for additional Porta-Potties when we realized there was a need,” said the driver of the truck, who did not want to be identified. “There are more on the way.”
Several people started running toward the Porta-Potties, myself among them. Knocking down one woman and elbowing a younger and very masculine looking girl aside, I reached the door of one and pulled it open. A woman inside was just finishing and glanced at me in shock. I told her who I was and when I saw that it didn’t register, I simply grabbed her and pushed her out of the door, toilet paper hanging from her…yes, her ass. Her fault, not mine. I yanked my slacks down, rolled down the panty hose and had a seat. It smelled like a steer’s ass in there.
“It’s so frustrating,” said Jackie Berger of Manhattan Beach, who was in the stall next to me. She had been waiting in line outside the store for more than an hour.
At Venice Boulevard between Flower and Figueroa streets, a line formed immediately outside two portable toilets.
Leo Martinez, an L.A. city sanitation supervisor, said it quickly became obvious that the 18 commode booths originally requested for Staples Center wouldn’t be enough, so the city brought in reinforcements.
“You see last year they had the Coliseum open and that fits 90,000,” he said. “This year everybody’s in the street.” That’s right Mr. Martinez. And everybody is shitting in the street too.
The city now expects to scatter 40 portable toilets between Staples Center and the Galen Center, the start and end of the parade route. But Martinez said he wasn’t sure if that would meet the demand.
“I’m not sure how much is enough,” he said, eyeing the huge crowd at Venice and Figueroa. “I guess if we start stepping in it, we didn’t have enough.” He laughed, showing his teeth. Wedged between the front two was a wad of spinach. What a foul morning…a morning that promised so much and wound up nothing more than a shit tour.
LOS ANGELES LAKERS HOST DOWNTOWN PARADE TO CELEBRATE 16TH NBA CHAMPIONSHIP
From the desk of Brigadier Admiral Jay Santos
‘OS ANGE’ES – The ‘os Ange’es ‘akers wi” host a ce’ebratory parade for a” ‘ocal fans on Monday, June 21, starting at STAP’ES Center and trave’ing south on Figueroa Street to Jef
ferson Bou’evard, just north of the USC campus and Ga’en Center.
By defeating the Boston Ce’tics for the 2010 NBA championship, the ‘akers not on’y earned the franchise’s 16th ‘eague tit’e but a’so repeated as champions for the third time in the past decade. The ‘akers have won back-to-back tit’es a tota’ of seven times in franchise history, tying the NBA mark previous’y he’d by the Ce’tics. Tonight’s victory marks on’y the fourth of the ‘akers’ 16 NBA tit’es that went to a deciding seventh game, and the first time besting the Ce’tics in a seventh game.
Based on attendance for the 2002 NBA championship parade and ‘ast season’s festivities, the Citizens Auxi’iar
y Police anticipate a crowd of between maybe 2,000 and probab’y a mi”ion fans ‘ining the two-mi’e parade route a’ong South Figueroa Street.
Whi’e the City of ‘os Ange’es and hometown ‘akers he’d an accompanying ra”y attended by more than 95,000 inside the Co’iseum to mark the 2009 championship, this time around, p’ayers wi” interact with fans from a customized f’at-bed f’oat, equipped with audio capabi
‘ities. That wi” he’p to mitigate anticipated pedestrian and traffic congestion, whi’e a’so re’ieving security, sanitation and other civic demands otherwise required of the privately funded 2010 ceremonies.
Beginning at approximate’y e’even a.m. (PDT), ‘akers p’ayers and their famil’es wi” board the customized f’oat at STAP’ES Center, and begin winding their way down South Figueroa Street toward the USC campus before turning east on Jefferson Bou’evard at the Ga’en Center to comp’ete the parade. A convoy of doub’e-decker, open-air buses and other attending vehic’es wi” carry ‘akers coaches and staff, members of the Buss fami’y ownership group, team officia’s, and the ‘aker Gir’s to the conc’usion of the two
-mile route.
CAP recommends that, whenever possib’e, fans take the Metro Rai’ system to the Pico/Chick Hearn station adjacent to the parade route rather than attempt to drive into the STAP’ES Center and Figueroa area. Parking will be availab’e in the downtown lots surrounding STAP’ES Center and the Figueroa corridor, yet street c’osures beginning the night before are l’ke’y to make morning traffic far more difficu’t.
We at CAP anticipate ‘APD c’osing Figueroa Street between O’ympic Bou’evard to the north and Jefferson Bou’evard on the south beginning at midnight Sunday. Other road c’osures include Chick Hearn Court between Figueroa Street and Cherry Street; Cherry Street between O’ympic
and Pico Bou’evards; F’ower Street between Washington and Jefferson Bou’evards; Jefferson Bou’evard between Figueroa and Hoover Streets; and a” intersections a’ong the two-mi’e route as designated by the ‘os Ange’es Po’ice Department (a’so known as the ‘APD) and Department of Transportation. ‘APD and DOT anticipate reopening major intersections a’ong Figueroa Street as the parade commences, pending pedestrians in those areas having dispersed and other safety conditions being met which I can assure you they wi”. So ‘ong everybody. G
….me using “high-tech” equipment on my show…all kinds of processing, bla, bla…I never have. You know some people in this business just don’t know jack shit about it and figure you can’t do anything without major tech assistance because…..well…..just because. I’ve basically made my name doing shit no one else can do and they’ve gotta bring everything back down to earth lest they develop a permanent inferiority complex. Hey nerd. I don’t use all that shit. A microphone, a phone, sound effects. Pound on.
……Phil smacks Bud for saying no woman will marry that poor guy who had to cut off his own arm when it got wedged in that furnace. “No girl wants to marry Captain Hook.”
