In Ted Bell Blog

Flushing Meadows, New York.—I am known by a couple of things. My restaurant. My Beemer. My friends, contacts and business partners. My presidency of the Beverly Hills Automobile Association….AND…people know Ted has arrived when they see my familiar red ball cap, tennis shorts and sweater tied around my neck. I don’t know. Call it my liesure uniform. But that’s one of the things people recognize as being “Ted.” In other words, I Like Tennis.

So where do you think I am today? Any guesses? Huh? You, you, you, you? No? I’m in Flushing Meadows, New York, site of the US Open Tennis Championships. My tickets, on the net, Arthur Ashe Stadium. Are they valuable? They were…..before the rain came down, the players started to pee themselves and the US Open officials caved to the crybaby. As of this writing, the matches today have been suspended. So my tickets are worthless. I walked up to Chet Feed, one of the Open officials and a dear friend and I said “You destroyed my day with your caving into spoiled athletes. Now I am directing you…as a long time supporter of tennis….I am directing you to order those punk-ass, punked, bastard sons-of-wealthy fathers bastards back out onto the court. I am directing you!” You know what he did? He didn’t say a word, gave me the finger, belched and walked away while pointing and laughing at my ball cap and sweater tied around my neck. He will lose his job as soon as I get Ward Tunney and Mary Dean-Slitton on the phone…and you know who they are if you are fans of tennis. But more to the point, Chet Feed will never eat in my restaurant again for as long as he walks this earth..never again.Good luck Chet. Hope it was worth it.

So you ask why am I complaining about getting rained out of watching the Open today when there are many days left in the tournament. It’s a good question. Here’s the answer.  Today is the one day I have those tickets that I’m not sitting next to several children from the Sky Point Foundation.

               I hope the US Open rots in hell

They are amazing kids and I will be giving lots of money to them, you can bet on that, to make their dreams come true! I will! I, however, wasn’t told I’d have them next to me for the duration of the tournament. Behind me and on either side. So I look like I am the father to 7 bald children, two of whom wear sunglasses and stare at the ground. Okay, there. I said it. The only reason why I make an issue out of it is because they usually show my seats on national television when they want crowd reaction and also want to show what celebrities are in attendance and they’ll show me, constantly, surrounded by Creation of the Humanoids. I’m sorry. It’s been a long week. I’ll donate to the Foundation but why today, the only day I don’t have Close Encounters of the Third Kind in my lap is a rain out is anyone’s guess! But I am certain it was done on purpose and as an over-sight.

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    I'll be the first to agree with my dear friend Ted. I was at the open with my Husband Frank a couple of years ago, and they had the audacity to roll up about 10 chairs of panfaces right next to us. By god as my witness, I spent more time distracted by the drool and moaning then I was by the tennis. Ted, darling, if you are out there I feel your pain.
    Margaret Grey
    (Journalist, mother, wife)

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    I feel Ted opens up on this site in uniquely personal way. We see the man behind the mask. Confusingly, in the innermost dimensions of Ted, at the most subtle psychological point at which the conscious meet the unconscious (which pisses off the superconscious, who was not invited), we see Ted, stark naked…only wearing a mask.
    Worse, he seems to have found it on aisle 4 at Wallgreens.

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    Ted, man you already had that problem at the laker game with your front row seats among all of the Hollywood elite, and now you have to be ridiculed in NY at the US Open as well? I really feel for you! That's not what you signed up for… Now go make me a TED, will ya?

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    ted those are your kids quit denying it!!!

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    Now that's funny!

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