Ted Bell says that when you drive behind a high performance vehicle on the freeway you've gotta show some respect and get out of the way!! from KFI.(0:35:47)

Ted Bell tried to bribe a cop who was giving him a ticket for jaywalking. from KFI.(0:30:51)

Ted Bell thinks it'd only be fair if Tiger Woods won "a little less often". from March 2000.(0:19:21)

Ted Bell has an idea for his new Beverly Hills Children's Museum: he wants parents of dead children to donate their kids' bodies to the museum, where they will be stuffed, mounted, and put on display in dioramas. from February 2000.(0:26:48)

June 22nd, 1999 - Ted Bell's red-headed son Jeffrey intends to wed an African-American gal, and as usual Ted's just trying to keep up appearances. What hue his grandkids will be: Mahogany? Chestnut? Wing-nut?(0:27:00)

Ted Bell, President of the Beverly Hills Automobile Association, explains why Ford is installing inside trunk releases on their new models. from 1998.(0:05:00)

Ted Bell does not want his NBA Lakers tickets to go to handicapped children because he believes the famous people sitting around him might think that the kids are malformed from eating at his restaurant. from June 2002.(0:03:57)

Ted Bell says that until he can get ahold of his son's PASSWORD, he will never be able to control his kid. Afterall, a password is a key to a childs domain! from July 2003.(0:31:16)

Normally Ted Bell doesn't like to interfere with the content of the show, but Phil talking about the expensive price of gas has caused a lot of problems for Ted Bell's business from March 2004.(0:31:49)

Ted Bell just wanted to get a couple cartridges for his printer from Staples, is it fair to make him wait in line? from September 1999.(0:41:46)