Attorney Darren Brown joined Phil for a discussion of the lawsuit against Google whereby a woman got hit by a car after using the Google Maps direction feature. Is it frivolous? Hardly, according to Darren. Google is a big company. They can afford it. The thing that is unjust to Darren is that the lawyer representing the plaintiff in the Google case got there first while Darren and the rest of the lawyers of the world have to wait in line for their big shot. He was gonna sue BP and then along came the oil leak and  that trumped his chicken-crap credit card class-action.A-Team van Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police announced tonight that he and his subcommanders will be outside theaters throughout Southern California on June 11 when "The A Team" comes out. They'll be asking people in line questions and looking over their apparel to make sure none of them are "hyper-patriotic" and are likely to come out of the theater "and want to go and buy a van and blow things up."

Our show began with a discussion of abusive bill collectors, many of whom threaten people with violence or humliate them with name -calling. Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxilliary Police  does some "enforcement collection" as he calls it. He says he doesn't engage in that kind of behavior. He simply tells people that if they don't pay the bill their future 'has suddenly turned black." One woman who owed money on some Kevin Costner videos that went to collection was told by Jay that "no matter how many Costner videos you rent you'll never bag him." Phil announced the "glorious news" that Jesse James as a kid pretended to be the Angel of Death from Auschwitz, Dr. Josef Mengele. Whoopee! Then Doug Dannger, gay man and gay journalist, came on to talk about the passing of actor Gary Coleman...for awhile. Doug said that what he really wanted to talk about was his column about Coleman called "The Happy Freak" and how no one commented on it good or bad and that means they were "blown away" by it. H e also dropped a meaningless statistic about Zelda Rubinstien. (??)

Tonight it was Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police telling Phil about "Operation Safe Streets" which is a campaign to go door to door and find out "how green people are." In the course of talking to people at the door, if Jay or his men happen to step over the threshold to "take a peak around" people need to go with it otherwise "that's a red flag." Jay basically cited case law (or tried to) that he claims says if a cop is suddenly chased into your house by a bee and while he's in your house he sees cocaine, he can bust you. Idea by the way from BSPer Sgt. Sittle. Next up Austin Amarca, a cabinet-maker from Lancaster, Ca. wants a law passed prohibiting people who make under $40, 000 a year and win a hundred million dollar jackpot from getting any publicity. Why? Because for a guy like Austin, who serves his daughter Eggo's in the morning instead of real buttermilk pancakes because he doesn't have time to make them, hearing about some guy with no teeth who works in a convenience store winning 258 million in Missouri Powerball is almost too much to bear.

 He's begun introducing himself around the Florida Keys as Major Elvis Newton. I think this is outstanding and should become a national trend. Wherever you are today, introduce yourself as Major Elvis Newton....if you're a woman, introduce yourself as Major Elvis Newton's wife....or daughter where applicable. With any luck, this will make Trending Topics on Twitter by 2015. Jay Santos...not Maj. Newton 

Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police made a quick return this week to talk about the "senior database" he's compiling. He and his subcommanders will approach any eldely person they see and assess what their end-of-   life accommodation should be. A talkative elderly gentleman belongs in a "psychiatric facility" while a man who "tiny steps" is "tapped out"...that means pull the plug. An old woman holding a box of dry linguini should be in restraints. Jay is doing this as a "citizen physician" because the cost of health care is through the roof. Next up was Art Griego, commercial pilot and as it turns out willing subject in an LSD experiment, who is convinced today's Tea Partiers were dropping acid "by the handful" back in the late 60's and early 70's. He said it's possible, in fact, that Tea Partiers were members of the Manson Family and are now sitting there with their covered dishes listening to speeches from guys dressed as Abigal Adams. Art: "Nothing says Tate-Labianca like fried chcicken."