Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Bob Green will be selling a women's romance kit in NYC while dressed up as a firefighter, but it's ok because he's donating money to a 9-11 charity. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: FIRST QUARTER. Larry Grover is forcing his father to eat McDonalds, even though he has a heart condition. Larry says McDonalds is a symbol of America. REMAINDER. Phil talks about vacationing in Fiji and reading about cannibalism, terrorists and LAX, etc.

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Bobbie Dooley is suing Steve Condit for being unable to attend Chandra Levy's memorial service because it was too crowded. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: RERUN of 2002-05-16 hour two BDO. Graduation night pool party. Hour 2: RERUN of 2002-04-30 hour one CNO. Graduation night nude pics. Hour 3: RERUN of 2002-03-22 hour three SBO. Steve's airport security incident.

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: RC Collins says that we should surrender with dignity and honor to Al Qaeda as "tactical withdrawal" to survive. He says American men should be prepared to give oral sex to their new Al Qaeda overlords. He learned this in the academy course Islamic Pole Forward Slash Sloped. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Margaret Gray says Chandra Levy in the Gary Condit case probably died from being hit by a meteor or being struck by lightning. Hour 3: (FIRST HALF) Roland Schwinn is going around asking young women who have low hanging jeans to pull them up. When he sees women's underwear he wants to dress up in them. He's been beaten up a few times. (SECOND HALF) Phil talks about Palestinians, movie violence, people taking the wrong drugs in the 1960s.

Hour 1: David G Hall calls in to apologize to Gary Condit for thinking he did the crime and says a pack of wild animals was probably responsible. Hour 2: Dean Wheeler says Al Qaeda will be hijacking Christmas tree delivery trucks. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Steve Bosell is afraid of Al Qaeida so he is moving to Norway, taking the assets and leaving his family on welfare until he can think things over. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Vernon Dozier took an imaginary grenade to the face while playing war as a kid, and he is quite serious that this shaped him into the man he is today. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Jay Santos is calling in bomb threats and reports of molesters to gauge how law enforcement is responding, because Bush dropped the ball. Jay refers to "Butt, Montana". Phil closes with flashback of 2002-05-16b BDO, Phil says he doesn't really like Hawaii. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: VARIETY.