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Local “Nice Guy” Caught Being A Nazi, Police With A Mystery On Their Hands

Terry Giddings was one of the most respected men in his town of Shoemaker, a small Ohio Valley hamlet of some 200 people. He loved train sets, remote controlled airplanes and slot cars and spent many hours showing his different collections to youth groups around town. But last night, Shoemaker police detectives and FBI agents found a very difrerent Terry Giddings. Acting on a tip, police stormed Giddings residence in the Wathburg Basin area and found him dressed as a Nazi and directing a bombing attack against Coventry, England!

A mild mannered 48 year old, no one in his apartment complex had any idea that when this  soft-spoken auto-valet returned home in the evening, he would immediately don the uniform you see in the photo and begin deporting Jews, questioning and torturing resistance members and directing Waffen-SS troops in the field around Anzio Beach, Italy. No one heard a thing or so they say.

“Once we sort out the various statements we’ve gotten we’ll have a better handle on what people did or didn’t hear.” said Det. Frank Ditnen, assigned to head the investigation. “People’s minds have a way of clearing up once they’re assured that a perpatrator is locked up.”

During the day, Giddings was a parking lot manager for Sunny Side Of The Street Auto Valet. Apparently though he had a life very much apart from the one he spent his days in, a friendly guy handing you your ticket, taking your keys and parking your car, he was an Obersturmbanfuerer in the German SS and dined with Hitler on occasion!! But his friends and co-workers had no inkling. “People loved Terry,” said Irv Blew, the owner of Sunny Side Of The Street. “I loved him. He showed me ideas on how to maximize lot space, how we could make more money by parking fewer cars. He was amazing. When the police told me about this, I says ‘boy you sure don’t know people, do you.’

How Giddings was able to pet sit two of his neighbors cats, make dinner for an elderly woman in the apartment complex who’d suffered a broken hip and still attend staff meetings in the Wolfs Laire and kick political detainees to death in their cells, all while no one who lived around him suspected a thing, has got Shoemakers cops scratching their heads for now. Says Ditnen: “We’ll figure it out sooner or later but let’s just say this. I won’t be going home early any time soon.”

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Vernon’s Views “The Definition Of A Cu…..Apparently I’m Not Allowed….A C-Word. How’s That?”

I’m Vernon Dozier and I know many of you know who I am. Do you know what is in that picture down there? You don’t? That’s called a c-u-….It’s called a you know what. It’s called a c-word, is what it’s called. It’s also my mother-in-law, Debbie Dockton.

                           Oh, Jesus.

I married her daughter Stephanie when Stephanie had just graduated BelMar, where I teach. She was 18. Not 17. Not 16. She was 18 and the last I checked that’s legal in the sovereign state of California so that thing in the picture can shut the clean-out under it’s nose. But it doesn’t. Let me tell you what a cun….God, I wish I could say it. Let me tell you what a c-u-n-(and the next letter rhymes with “P”) is. It’s a woman that starts a problem when no problem needed to be started. When everything was fine, nice and calm, it walked into the house and gave you that look. When everyone was getting along, it decided it would open old wounds. See, the C thinks it’s ‘clearing up old business,” “getting to it,” “not hiding from the truth.” But a C never does get to the truth. Under the guise of wanting to get to the truth the C just wants to see you bleed from the eyes again. It wants to go over and over and over the night…oh I don’t know…let’s say the night it’s daughter graduated from high school and the worst man in the world, the guy it calls “Pervernon” because that word helps make it laugh and keeps the muscles in its face from atrophy, grabbed Stephanie from the stage and took off. About 20 minutes later, when it was driving home with the long suffering, stooped and beaten chew-toy it calls a husband, it spotted my truck parked at cabin 4, Blue Moon Motel. My mother-in-law took this picture of my truck parked, cabin 4..

Oh my God let’s have a coronary. It’s a wedding night. But ever since that night, I’ve had to listen to it. Typical night. Phone rings. Me: “Hello” The C: “Oh, hi Pervernon. Can I talk to OFS?” “OFS” stands for “operation: field slut.” So, I’m a pervert but it’s own daughter is a field slut because it married…or I mean she married me. There’s a 31 year age difference. So what? What if I married the C instead? She’s closer to my age. Why not? Well, I would have but Debbie…that’s my mother in law, the C…Debbie, instead of being OFS is OTA and that interferes with setting up OPT. There, try figuring that out, C-Word!

Glossary

OFA–Operation: Trucked Face

OPP–Operation: Poontang

I wanna ask one other question. What is this “Float On” bullshit. What the living hell?

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Show Log For Friday, August 13, 2010

Raj Feneen, attending a dinner for Arab journalists, tells Phil he liked Obama endorsing the Ground Zero mosque but it wasn’t much of an endorsement. He was pleased but not too pleased. He feels Obama really needs to “come to the table on this. I mean I live in DC,” says Raj. “And I can’t deliver a guy from my own neighborhood?” Raj says that people are crying about this mosque being built and yet Americans get to put up all the Popeye’s and Fatburgers they want and no one says squat. Next up Steve Bosell’s “comedy act” for a parents talent show at his daughters school goes horribly awry when Steve’s joke about Obama swimming in the Gulf and no one noticing he’s covered in oil stiffed and he was asked to leave the stage by the school’s principal. As usual, Steve’s feelings are hurt and he threatens a two million dollar lawsuit as he plugs his “Steve Bosell $3 A Minute Joke-Line.”