Ted Bell joined the show to discuss the DUI arrest of Sam Donaldson but also to complain to Phil about the fact he hasn't been on the show lately and to point out what he considers to be "the overall eroding quality of the show..."
"Mr Martin," the supposed owner of channel 19 and the continual user of an Espresso machine near Don's desk dosed Don during the show tonight with "Bisonal," a mind -control drug for Buffalo (something about controlling how much and what they eat so they'll survive) Under the influence Don forgot how to speak a normal sentence, saying Diane Sawyer "was in front of the machine that makes your face go out to other peoples houses" instead of just saying Diane Sawyer was in front of a camera.
Dean Wheeler and General Gaylen Shaw joined the show to talk about nutrition and doomsday panic. Dean was once again calling from some nightclub where his wife Emerelda was singing. He complained about his wife's horn player and then let slip that the only reason he doesn't fire him is because he's her pill connection.
