by Margaret Grey—Rude, crude, foul and funky were the order of the day after an allegedly classy Chicago man was charged with disorderly conduct following a city employee finding brown stains and a foul odor coming off the man’s mailed in parking ticket. Can you believe it? The sad part. I’m familiar intimately with this kind of thing. Some one accused me of doing this with a speeding ticket.

Nature’s toilet paper.

Alexander Bailey, a 22-year-old from the Chicagoland area, allegedly also wrote a note on the ticket that he had wiped himself with it, lest there be any doubt. What a dumb ass. Like they can’t figure that out Alexander.

The city employee who found the crapped-up ticket informed police who then charged and locked up Bailey. “What are you in here for? “I wiped with a parking ticket.” (Sound effects of Bailey being held down and raped) He was later released after posting $500 bail.

The original ticket that Bailey allegedly wiped himself with was $15.

So genius boy will pay the fine and an additional fine for the wipage and whataver it costs to get the number of a rape counseling hotline from directory assistance. I’m sorry. I can’t stand people like that. As to the speeding ticket I used for ass duty,  I wrote on the back “My husband wiped with this.” When they didn’t believe me and I was jailed anyway I was mortified. They’ve got a fight coming. it’s coming today*

*Line from “Tombstone”