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Father James McQuarters was our in-studio visitor this morning. He discussed with us at one point exorcism and his encounter with a “kid that was faking it. I stood over him and began the incantations and so forth and the kid reached up, just like Linda Blair did in that G.D. movie, and grabbed a hold of my nut sack.” Dr. Jim Sadler discussed ‘body dysmorphia’ which is a condition people with anorexia have; that is seeing a body shape that isn’t there. At that moment a colleague of Dr. Sadler’s walked by and asked Sadler if he had “body dysmorphia of the dick.” Sadler, as usual, hung up with his feelings hurt. Margaret Grey joined Bobbie Dooley for the Bobbie Dooley Podcast and discussed the “demonism of some of the music that Phil plays.” They concluded that kids aren’t at risk, just the parents. Margaret in fact smoked a joint with Frank years ago in a parked car while listening to Venom and felt a phantom demon hand “crawling up my inner thigh to the crotch of my panty-girdle.”

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Phil almost loses his shit at the beginning of the show worrying about whether the live feed is up. Then they clear the air about a joke Phil made concerning a “little man, a pixie fucking up the equipment overnight.” Turns out Margaret and Frank went to a costume party one night with Margaret dressed as Thomas Jefferson and Frank dressed as a pixie and once they got home Margaret tried to assault Frank from behind with a strap-on. They also had a discussion about how the police detective evolved, Phil explaining that there were “runners,” or guys that would, for a price, go and get something that had been stolen. The General and Bud couldn’t fathom anyone wanting to pay money to get their pig back. Jeff Dowdder memorialized Hobie Alter and talked about the “short sticks” that he uses, “The Waverly, Rip Teen, the Goon Stick and Goon Unlimited.” Phil then talked about the development of the Hobie Cat sailboat.

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The show started with a discussion of the Chilean earthquake. Margaret Grey brought on her husband Frank to challenge General Shaw’s insolence, but all it did was bond the two men together against her “big bazoo” as Frank calls Margaret’s big mouth. General Shaw was also angry at what he saw as Malaysian incompetence. “I wanna go down there and knock their tiny little heads together.” Dr. Ron Tarner let it slip that he has remarried and he had a meltdown over the fact he now will not receive spousal support money from his ex-wife… And a bunch of other stuff too…

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The Phil Hendrie Show this morning kicked off with Larry Grover bagging on Obama for “wasting time with the Boston Bostocks and their World Series when there are so many more important things going on.” The interview fell to new lows when Larry’s mother once again came on the line and initiated some sexual contact between herself and Larry…. Margaret Grey and Dean Wheeler tried to speak on behalf of Mississippi death row inmate Michelle Byrom, but couldn’t ever really pronounce her last name properly and didn’t know the method of capital punishment in the state, assuming they “just throw a rope over a tree branch…” Steve Bosell was crying about Mark Zuckerberg getting 3 billion dollars in stock options even as he watched the LA County fire guys flying over his property and bare-assing him for the second straight year.

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Phil talked about the sorry state of Raleigh, North Carolina, according to one of the listeners, and how it continues to sink further and further into a morass of mind-numbing dullness. Don Berman, channel 19 news anchor, discussed the CNN team of John Berman (no relation) and a rather large, female co-anchor and how it doesn’t come off well for Berman since he looks smaller and like he’s 12. General Gaylan Shaw walked us through the history of the very obvious bowl-haircuts worn by Korea’s leaders, Justin MacElroy broke a friends anonymity by naming him as a person who tried to hack into some security systems surrounding a civil disturbance over the weekend…..even though he kept trying not to…. and Art Griego talked about his part in trying to locate the Dolby brothers near Catalina in 1988 only to identify two department store mannequins, one wearing high heels.

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Phil introduced Nikki via Skype from the DC area. The crew talked about the continuing search for Malaysia Airlines 370. Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police was into his report when suddenly General Gaylen Shaw, angry for some reason, said he didn’t want to talk anymore to “this Mr. Santos from the Citizens Dick-suckery Police…” Bud Dickman ran afoul of Margaret Grey for remarking that someone was good at “putting asses in seats and, if you will, asses on faces.” Also The Stephen Colbert Report’s so-called offensive tweet was kicked around by Phil and Nikki. Some suit at Comedy Central tweeted some lame shit on the Colbert Report account and got Colbert in trouble, people thinking he was firing up a chapter of the anti-Chinese League. Margaret Grey let Nikki know the phrases that carry strong double entendre and that she’ll have “none of.” They are: “blow by blow”, “that’s a mouthful”, “lickity-split”, “he’s a handful”, “they were licked”, “I beat the spread.” There are others, but you get the idea. On the Bobbie Dooley Podcast, Bobbie demonstrates and also has a tape handy of the way she sounds when “Steve gives it to her good.” Backstage Pass members can download today’s Pre-Show, and if you no have no BSP then you get and you like.

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Dean Wheeler joined the program to talk about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, but before long it had degenerated into his screaming about the tree squirrels that have “harassed” him for months and his nephew Stevie showing up with a pellet gun and ready to aim as Dean gets a headfull of squirrel shit. Vernon Dozier came close to another stroke stressing about college football players unionizing. He talked about a young freshman quarterback at Belmar Academy that he’s bringing along as the kids father is, typically, being “a pain in the ass.” Vernon said the boy is a fine young man but because he’s 15 he’s automatically “dirty, crawling, slimy scum, a punk and a degenerate. But all kids are at that age” said Vernon. The Bobbie Dooley Podcast featured Bobbie kicking the shit out of not only Steve but announcer Gene Wiffner.

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Bob Green discussed the “anal raping” he took buying Candy Crush Saga stock and also attempted to explain some coupon for “5 percent off at Frazier Foods in today’s Orange County Courier.” Bob said you had to cut out his picture but, please cut off the push broom he’s holding. It was supposed to be a feather duster. Dave Oliva was interviewed on the topic of drunk Secret Service people. “Hey, it happens,” said Dave. “It’s a high pressure job. I myself worked security for a band in Long Beach at Belmont Shores and so many dudes wanted to sleep with the chick lead singer I was like ‘no, no, a thousand times no.’ I wound up drinking apple-flavored Bacardi and spewing all over everyone backstage.” Frank Grey was called by Margaret to come on the show and defend her against Bob Green’s nasty comments. Frank said he beat Bob in a lawsuit and “we wound up bending her over and having our way with her, financially speaking.”

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Jeff Dowdder, a part time professor of mechanical physics and base jumper, talked with Phil about the guys that base jumped from the top of the new Freedom Tower in NYC back in September and who have just now been arrested for it. Dowdder said the freedom you feel with the wind flowing up your pant leg is what its all about. General Shaw countered by saying heaven help the man who is coming down in a parachute “feeling all free and breezy and he doesn’t notice a baby in a bassinet sucking on a bottle and looking in wonder at the world around him and this lover lands on top of the kid with a sickening squish sound!” Vernon Dozier thinks the Chinese have got some pair on them demanding all kinds of info from the Malaysians. Dozier sent two buddies of his who are down there on construction jobs into the press conference to ask the question “‘Scuse me, ‘scuse me. When are you bowl haircuts going to climb off everyone’s back.” Mavis Leonard reported on the Oscar Pistorius trial, telling Phil she’s been so unnerved by it she’s had nightmares about a guy with two Slinky’s for legs chasing her. She also sang a blues song about the Slinky called “Slinky on my trail.”

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Phil started the show talking about something he ate over the weekend and the effect it was having on his stomach. This naturally evolved into a discussion of Margaret’s Old Spice-smelling farts. Art Griego was scheduled to talk about Flight 370 but he received word that his daughter and “some bum” stole an airplane Art was servicing and flew it as far north as “that ranch with the restaurant off of I-5 that sells the blooming onion.” There, in some motel, they scored meth and snorted it off of the hood of the dealer’s truck. It turned out Art’s daughter turned both the “bum” and the dealer onto the meth, neither having tried it before. Herb Sewell commented on an oil spill in Galveston Bay, saying there need to be tighter rules regulating the “half-wits and unreconstructed nincompoops” that pilot ships through there.

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