Category: Phil Pheed

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                                                         Kickball

Coach Vernon Dozier recapped the World Cup before melting down and screaming “Fuck” and hanging up. Phil announced he will again be down to 210 pounds by performance date, July 30 as the panel discussed General Shaws consuming  donuts over the weekend. 

Dr. Ron Tarner discussed his reaction to news a gay congressman married his long time partner. It was negative but the actual reaction was demonstrated by his son Josh who called in and did an impression of it. “Eeeeeewwwwww ooowy!”

Bud talked about his neighbhor Cliff Munern and his dumb mother.

Frank Grey was being hassled by girl scouts in a mall while talking with Phil

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                photo by James Rambo

Today it was Dr. Ed Elcott talking to Father Guy Jack Rabinowitz, a member of the Elcott clergy about the Diminishing, that which shrinks or shrivels the ego and Hop Singh, the Elcott method of prayer which, respectfully, treats God like a 19th century Chinese “houseboy.”

Phil and the crew got into a foul and offensive discussion after jumping and beating up General Gaylen Shawn for commenting on “how many p****** Marilyn Hickey can fit in her m****. In his defense he did ask Phil to tune the TV away from The Word Network. Margaret had to walk a few off this morning… 

Phil then asked the crew why every morning the show started off with some dysfunctional, emotional fistfight. General Shaw then busted into his rendition of “Jive Turkey.”

Larry Grover was going to discuss the Iraq situation with Rudy Canoza until Gloria, his mother, called in from an “Elcott-The Next Step” seminar in Oakland and aksed if he got the hard boiled eggs she made for his lunch. …

Phil’s on stage July 30 with his second one-man show, “The World of Phil Hendrie: Truth Is Our Bitch” at the Hollywood Improv. Scramble up some tickets…

Ted Bell offers to buy some tickets to the Policeman’s Ball if he can get a cop to “fix” a ticket he unfairly got while driving on the shoulder of the road and racing to “important” business. From May 2001.

 

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                                               The pride of Salt Lake City

Phil offered the opinion that “we are drowning in bullshit” in the world today and that the only real honesty being offered is by hip hop and deathcore metal artists. General Shaw thought it was called Hibbob, named after a tribe of nomadic Arabs

Brass Villenueva and Harvey Weirman discussed the Redskin patent story with Brass saying since he couldn’t get Taco Bell to change their recipes and couldn’t get anyone to care that California used to be part of Mexico that he was “throwing in with the Indians.”

Margaret said that what Phil was talking about was “boogied up.” She said she didn’t mean it racially. She meant that what Phil was talking about sounded the way people dance “in certain parts of town, like they’re having a seizure.”

Wade Belko, a new sponsor that sellls “all things plastic and rubber for the car and the bedroom,” demanded his money back when General Shaw butchered the copy for his commercial. When he tried reading it himself the music drowned him out and he demanded his money back.

Phil butchered up a new “travelogue” segment by forgetting to call his friend Lauren who is traveling through Baltimore….

                                              Can’t play Pipeline forever

The show started with another discussion of the “white middle class males listeners” Phil has who are turned off by hip-hop. Phil said that you can’t sit around your garage playing “Pipeline” forever.

Margaret spotted the same woman she saw yesterday morning on The Word network who seemed to have “overly developed lower jaw muscles.” Speculation then veered, offensively so, into whether any of the women on screen “gobbed” or “coned.”

The show’s panel had Cliff King, horse trainer, back on to recap the Triple Crown and it turned into a cluster fuck as Cliff exhibited signs of serious dementia on the one hand and indications he was just goofing everyone with his “I’ll break a metal pole over my head and I’m 77 years old” act.

Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police talked about water safety this summer, especially in the ocean. The oceans power, says Jay, can “humiliate, exploit and manipulate a person. It can almost drown you and then toss you onto the shore like you’re nothing, with your pants pulled down and your butt in the breeze.”