Some kid calls Phil to say he thinks he has syphilis because his tongue hurts. It turns out the kid was making out with his girlfriend for about three hours over the weekend and the French-kissing got intense….David G. calls to tell Phil not to talk to much about “tongues” on account of the FCC……Phil blathers about fast lane jack balls going to slow….RC Collins calls to ask if the show is experiencing technical difficulties. It turns out he’s cranking the show….A baboon runs through the studio carrying a brassiere…David G. calls and tells Phil to ignore it….Upon hearing about Russell Crowe got popped for throwing a phone at a hotel employee, Phil wonders whether the Australians can really hold their liquor like they say they can….
Ted from Ted’s of Beverly Hills runs over a bunch of ducks for laughs in his Mustang and makes his son cry in the process……
Herb Sewell comes on to talk about Walter Bellhaven fighting the DA in Alameda County for the possession of four human skulls….Bud and Harvey read the e-mail because Phil is “indisposed”…..Phil reads some more e-mail and then talks about going shopping for just himself….popcorn and steaks……Phil then talks about Tom Cruise and how all the rumor in the world won’t ever make the guy come out of the closet….he’s too smart…..