Tuesday, September 7, 2004

Hour 1: Hal and Viola Levelier call from their plane, en route to Laughlin, NV. They want to pitch the idea of Larry Flynt as nominee for president. Since he will make “interesting spit bubbles” during his speeches, they think it would be “fun” to have him as the new Commander In Chief. Next is a flashback from Bobbie and Steve Dooley, who are worried that the Bush daughters’ tendency to dress like “field sluts” could be a negative influence on children. Then Chef Carl Chodillio prepares a special New York Cheesecake in honor of Bill Clinton’s triple-bypass surgery. He claims the treat is sure to induce a heart attack, and proves it himself after taking a bite.

Hour 2: Margaret Gray is a slumlord who says Bush’s policies make it impossible for her to recoup her losses.

Hour 3: Live from the Union Correctional Institute in Rayford, Florida, convicted murderer Walter David Maynard calls to discuss his latest book. “Wedding Planning Made Easy” offers cheap alternatives for church rentals and invitation printing. And suggests flowers can be had for free if you enter the florist’s shop after hours through the air-vent and slash the owner’s throat with a piece of razor wire. Enterprising porn actor Chris Norton wants to talk about acquiring the rights to President George Bush’s name if he looses the election. But he’d settle for Dick Cheney, Dick Nixon or Woodrow “Woody” Wilson as well.