Tonights show featured Ted Bell explaining that Wall Street is really a bunch of retired people and people with disabilities who are stockholders of various companies and want the price to stay high. They don’t care whether you get fired and thrown in the street or not as long as they are making mon-eee!

“I’d like to kick in one of these faces of Meth until the face looks better,” says Jay

Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police commented on a video showing a woman being struck by a police officer aboard a commuter train. “People need to understand that you need to show a police officer respect. Stand up straight, don’t chew gum, don’t have your hands in your pockets and don’t give us no code talk like ‘Wow, you know where I can get a piled pork sandwich?’ We know what that’s about,” said Jay.

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  • paddyandpeanut

    oh god, that Tim Tebow's Fire song is horrendous.

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