The program kicked off with Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police telling Phil that his new security officers service offers a new kind a security guard, an individual who can pretend he’s demented so he scares not only outside intruders but also any of your employees who happen to be stealing office equipment. One of his subcommanders, Randy Gleason, can even do the laugh of a deranged man playing with a hamster. “Phil I think we know from the many horror movies we’ve seen, the guy who is emotional unstable can tear your arms off,” said Officer Santos.
The following hour General Gaylen Shaw guested with Phil to defend talk show host Ed Schultz who called fellow host Laura Ingraham a “talk slut.” While General Shaw, a fellow liberal, condemned what Ed said he also couldn’t quite bring himself to entirely repudiate it. “How do we know she isn’t a slut,” said Shaw, “even though I don’t like calling her one?”