Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Hour 1: Jay Santos is on patrol to stop ‘know it alls’ talking about the Presidential debates, saying such free speech might lead to workplace violence. The “Adventures of Young John Kerry,” wherein young Johnny tries to convince his little-league team that he should be captain because he’s “…watched the Dodgers and stuff.” Immediately after, Phil gets a call from the former TV writer of “Designing Women,” etc. that critiqued him last night. This time he says the John Kerry bit “made a point” but just wasn’t all that funny. In this flashback, Margaret Grey hits on a young Democratic fundraiser and is rebuffed. She claims he must be gay and that being in the closet is hurting the campaign.

Hour 2: “The Prince of Darkness Show” with your host, Satan incarnate and his side-kick, Beelzebub. Live from Hell, Satan’s guests include suicide bombers and the woman who created the “Baby on Board” car sign. Margaret Grey demands air time to sing “Moonshadow” by Yusuf Islam (formerly known as Cat Stevens). This is because she feels Phil was insensitive to reports of him being placed on a “No-fly” list by the TSA. A live feed from Marlon Brando’s memorial is played. It mostly consists of people dramatically repeating the name “Marlon Brando” and then apparently being shot by a gun. David G. Hall calls to complain.

Hour 3: First half is Lloyd Bonafide, an elderly man who attacked a motorist for throwing a lit cigarette. It’s another installment of “Sew Me Up So Tight I’m Talking Through a Hole in My Face” with plastic surgeon Dr. Jack Briscoe and co-host Sheila Skelly. Dolly Parton is today’s guest and her enhancements are discussed with drooling enthusiasm.