I’m Dr Arthur Barn. And for the last 38 years I have needlessly trespassed over the private properties of countless cemeteries. I’ve criminally torn open beirs and caskets purchased by bereaved families for the remains of their loved ones. And I have hideously mutilated those remains by impaling them on stakes, severing the heads and stuffing garlic flowers into the corpses’ orifices. I should be locked up in an insane asylum and the key thrown in the ocean over the Mariana Trench.
However, through a deal I worked with the courts, I have been granted the opportunity to repair a tiny bit of the damage I’ve done. That is why Saturday on the Phil Hendrie Show I will present “Dr Arthur Barn: Vampires Don’t Exist,” an hour long expose of perhaps the greatest hoax ever perpetrated. There are no “undead.” They don’t suck your blood. They don’t have Superman strength…..I mean there’s a lot of bullshit I’ll have to deal with. And I will. Saturday. You’ll need your BSP
