Show Log For Friday, July 9, 2010

On tonights show, Dr. Ron Tarner, an astronomer and astrophysicist, tells us that he has been asked by an old friend, Dr. Bob Winslow of the Mountain Meadow School District, to teach a class in sexual abstinence to middle schoolers. Because of budget cuts the school is short of teachers. So Ron agrees and tells the children that the best way to abstain from sex is by masturbating. In speaking with the parents, Ron says he has to “go slow and explain very carefully that you can’t make babies from masturbation.” Ron feels that as a very educated man he might as well be talking to people in “bonnets from the 17th century who believe that flickering lights caused by swamp gas are actually dancing elves and pixies.” Ted Bell joins Phil for a discussion of LeBron James and another “backstabber. Don Voges.” Mr. Voges is a former chef who worked for Ted until Don took a job at a Shula Steak House in Memphis so he could be close to the St. Judes Hospital for Children. Don’s daughter is sick with Leukemia. Ted however says the guy was “stepping over my body like I’m a passed out drunk in a doorway” on his way to better money the same way Lebron James “stepped over Dan Gilberts body in a doorway.” Ted finally says that what James did is like “digging up James Naismiths corpse and playing with his remains by the moonlight.”