The Citizens Auxiliary Police van races past a speeder who's deftly flipped the car around and is going the other way Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police was the guest host tonight as he talked about the different procedures of the volunteer force. Major Elvis Newton made a rare appearance from a subcommander cruiser as he observed what he thought was a speeder. He and subcommander Pyvell tried to do a "frontal flare drop" but the speeder kept going around them before they could get the flares out. So on they'd go trying to get ahead of the guy. Finally it turned into a high speed chase with Major Newton and now sucommander Gleason (Pyvell had tried to strangle Newton earlier so he was ordered out of the truck) tailing the car right on its bumper. When they went around the side to get the drivers attention they found out he was a police officer. The tables were turned and Major Newton found himself being chased by the cop..

                  Wal-Mart...a great place to meet singles... Phil had Don Berman on the line from Los Alamitos Race Track where Don was spendiong the evening after being suspended by Channel 19 for saying the only women you could "pick up" at Wal-Mart were fat women with 10 kids...and he used his co-anchor Beckie Blondell as an example of one. While Don railed against the injustice of it all, he slowly got drunk and lost every race he bet, at one point calling for the rendering into glue of every horse he put money on.... Jay Santos joined Reverand Dave Castorini later in the show to tell Phil he was behaving inappropriately by "reaching down into his jean" (singular) on PhilTV during breaks and looking as if he was "handling heavy equipmnt or laying giant sewer pipes.""  Margaret gave another ridiculous lesson in foriegn language, this time Portuguese, or as she called it "Portu-guay."

Paul "Tubby" Lane, Jay Santos highlight an evening in which Phil battled the effects of insomnia.....    

Joe Dickhead made his first apperance on the show in years as he recounted Joe Flacco's dumb bell advice to teamates at the end of the Super Bowl: If 49er return man Ted Ginn looked like he was going to break it "run onto the field and tackle him." That's a penalty, said Joe, punishable by, among other things, awarding the opposition a score! Steve Bossell and Jay Santos of the CAP squared off over Jay "interdicting" Steve one afternoon at Steve's house while he was trying to teach April Jr. how to ride side-saddle... As Jay got out of his blacked out van and approached Steve wearing his "helmet-cam" Steve let out an effeminate scream that Jay now has on tape... Phil got into the history of the Duke Blue Devil mascot and it doesn't have anything to do with the temperature in hell...