Operation: Child

Jay Santos states that Al Quida was successful in attacking the US due to Americans being flabby, that's why he's taking money away from kids in fast food restaurants! from January [...]

Operation: Clearinghouse

Jay Santos has launched an operation to try and stop women's bachelorette parties because they have greatly affected the amount of nuns there are in the world. from May 2003.(0:24:46)

Rubberneckers & Lookie-Lou’s

Jay Santos and The CAP are working with the "New Mexico People Range Patrol" to keep motorists from California away from the Los Alamos, NM fire -- and they will be checking cars [...]

Shark Attack!

Jay Santos calls in to tell Phil how he survived 2 shark attacks and how he kicked both of their asses. From January 1999.(0:35:12)

Shootin’ Off Bottle Rockets

As fires blaze in Corona, auxiliary officer Jay Santos makes no secret of that fact that he was recently disposing of fireworks he confiscated on the 4th of July... by setting them [...]

Sinister Treehouse

(A very early version of) Jay Santos discusses a property dispute he had with his neighbor concerning a treehouse that overlooked his property. from KFI.(0:39:49)

Slut Clothes Will Get You Pregnant

Jay Santos and the C.A.P. are combing the malls and making sure that young ladies aren't buying slutty clothes for the approaching school year. from August 2003.(0:30:13)

So Elian Gonzalez Ain’t From Mexico?

Santos is subjected to a think-accented woman who explains why Elian & other Cubans want out of Cuba. Unfortunately Jay didn't know Elian was from Cuba!(0:03:51)

Spank Bank Prevention

Jay Santos is asking men not to wear sunglasses at public pools and beaches because they might be looking lasciviously at underage girls in sexy bathing suits. from July 2005.(0:36:29)

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