Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Bobbie Dooley is showing pornographic slides of their Tahitian vacation to their "less fortunate" neighbors at Western Estates HOA. Hour 3: Bob Green helps fathers who have lost children to re-invest their money, in wake of the Andrea Yates tragedy.

Hour 1: Phil raps with the listeners on many a topic tonight, including the recent discovery of the Crematorium that has NOT been taking care of business but stacking their "clients" in wood sheds or the nearby forest. This story not only sparks the memory of when he was a paperboy and accidentally chucked a newspaper on top of the local mortuary but it also inspires him to give his take on cremation from the personal experience he had when he Pop died...Bottom Line: Cremation Can Be Messy! [Chris Pelton] Hour 2: Margaret Gray is reporting on the Andrea Yates child drowning trial In Houston and says Andrea didn’t do it [DJB]. Hour 3: Bob Green offers a bereavement service where he borrows the corpse of a veteran to be buried and allows intimate relations with it. He runs Sunset Bereavement.

Hour 1: Bob Green is with "Love Moves of California" and teaches women how to give their husbands lap dances. Hour 2: Chris Norton records womens births and then puts porn music on it and tries to sell it back to them. He is with "Pacific Audio Creations". Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Bobbie Dooley hates Erin Brockovich because she's doing things Bobbie could do if she had more time. Among those things is giving sex to Hollywood producers. Phil closes taking calls, talks about a passenger afraid of flying being assaulted, John Walker, Osama bin Laden. Hour 2: Bob Green is with Secret Admirers, who believe that stalking them is the best way to show one's love. He says he's being their guardian angel. He'll be taking care of a few things, like someone who thinks he's her boyfriend. Phil closes on listener phone calls making a difference, the lack of humor after 9/11. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Bob Green has written a book that is an indictment of professional football: "Fast Lane To Brain Damage". Phil closes about the best Superbowl (1969), and receiving a Phil Hendrie toy doll sample. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Austin Amarka is with the Dont Mess With Texas organization and is barring Texans from returning to the state because of the Enron embarrassment.

Hour 1: Lloyd Bonafide is on from Happy Wanderers RV club to propose a new law that RVs don't have to use their turn signals anymore. Why? Because he is driving 10,000 lbs of Detroit lead. Also in hour 1 - David G Hall wants to interview Osama Bin Laden flashback. Phil discusses some recent Taliban news and RC makes a brief appearance to mispronounce Nostradamus. Hour 2: Margaret Gray discusses war correspondents and how Edgar R. Murrow was a pussy, degrades Connie "Me love you long time" Chung, but she knows about war because her lobster bisque was terrible. Margaret delivers the fantastic line "Try finding the last clean tampon in Grenada" then hangs up. Phil discusses Geraldo Rivera and all the actresses he has banged. A real life Raj Faneen Egyptian caller takes exception to Phil talking bad about Egypt. Hour 3: Chris Norton joins the show because he wants to be the first man to ever pose neud in Playboy. His idea is he could pose nude and demonstrate to men how to touch women properly because he is hot and knows how to handle hot babes. Chris delivers the fantastic line "This ain't mud trutle productions starring Ms. Bush Pig." Phil nearly loses it a few times delivering some great Chris Norton lines. Bob Green joins the show to discuss requesting local clubs dedicate 1 hour a night to let straight men only dance. Bob Green's justification? Straight women get Roe v Wade, straight men should get this.

Hour 1: Bob Green discusses his pamphlet "Tell Her They’re Diamonds, Just In Time For Christmas". Phil closes talking about womens' keen eye for diamonds. Maria chastised Phil after she dreamed Phil screwed Helen Hunt. The kids want Grand Theft Auto. Hour 2: Bobbie finds that she is related to Amelia Earhart, so they shouldn’t be searched at the airport. Phil closes talking about Joe Dickhead, his website archives, says they're off next week, football stadium funding. Hour 3: It’s the Jumpin’ Jovial Johnny Java Show. Johnny talks with Osama. Phil talks about LSD, Taliban fashions, the Wizard of Oz & the Sammi people of Finland. Chef Carl Chodillia shares some Christmas recipes.

Hour 1: FIRST HALF. Phil talks about life at home, kids fighting, flashback to Bobbie's turkey baster bit. SECOND HALF. Bob Green and friends are having a male-only dance night at a bar, but they're not gay. He says if anyone gives them trouble, they're gonna rock their world. Hour 2: FIRST HALF. Margaret Gray proposes a eugenics program to clone Hollywood's great actors and directors. SECOND HALF. Phil rants about taking the kids to a crowded Harry Potter movie and violent PS2 games. Hour 3: Herb Sewell wants the Marines in Afghanistan to install exotic golf courses in Afghanistan, because he's rich and pays a lot of money in taxes. Phil closes with a rant about TV in his house.

Hour 1: Bob Green says he's wrote better magic stories than the Harry Potter welfare lady, so he's urging people to go to bookstores and set Harry Potter books on fire. Hour 2: FIRST HALF. Rudy Canoza is a store owner who sounds a foghorn alert if fat women come in. SECOND HALF. Phil talks to callers about things like pro football. Hour 3: Vernon Dozier says people should not sing Frank Sinatra's 'My Way' song if they really haven't done things Frank Sinatra's way. Vernon ends up in a bar fight with Lloyd Bonafide after a Sinatra Cover Song goes poorly (R Hutchins). Phil closes with commentary.

Hour 1: Brass Villanueva of Los Malos is troubled by the Harry Potter movie being released during Ramadan. Phil closes talking about what is stupid comedy. Hour 2: Bob Green invested a million dollars on commemorative Magic Johnson HIV souvenirs and they aren't selling. Phil closes promoting the website and its downloadable shows. Hour 3: Margaret Gray, war correspondent, had a terrifying experience with her Discover card being declined at the hotel bar. She says Christiane Amanpour was not the first war slut. Phil closes on war journalism.