It was Margaret Grey who has filmed a documentary called “The Passions of Terri Schiavo” that got things going. Margaret “desperately” wants Terri to live and went so far as to compare her ordeal with that of Jesus Christ. But the bottom line, she claimed, was that in order for the comparison to work, Terri would need to die and then, according to Margaret, “Bob Redford” would screen it at Sundance. “She dies and we go wide.”
Don Berman, news anchor, has just come out of alcohol rehab. He taped a major report on his troubles with booze but the station won’t run it because there is still a lot of interest in the Terri Schiavo case. Don is resentful that everytime he turns the TV on his looking at Terri and “her bucked out teeth.” He then goes on to say there’s a lot of juicy stuff in his report like him having sex with the station managers 15 year old daughter. “Wouldn’t you rather see a report about that than watch Terri with the beaver kisser.”
Phil kicks off with his semi-regular bitch about the fast lane jackasses that ride along at 55 despite 6 miles of traffic behind them. Bill Schaeffer is a Mall Easter Bunny who wanted to talk about being hired to be a mall bunny because he was born with rabbit ears but instead makes a plea to women standing in line to see him with infants. “Please have the common decency to change their diapers in the change rooms provided instead of pulling their log-ridden shorts off right there in line. Thank you!!” Then he slams the phone down. A listener flashback follows from Easter, 1995. “Roland’s Easter House.” Then Phil reads a story about a finger found in Wendy’s chili and theorizes that the customer probably out it there herself. That’s what’s been going on, says Phil. Vernon Dozier came on to tell Phil the poker classes that he has been holding for his students have broken out into scuffles because the kids are beating him pretty good and he needs money to keep his girlfriend happy while his wife is in a coma. Phil then explains, not very well, how his show is sometimes tape-delayed in some towns. And then Jeff Dowder has his segment “Wouldn’t It Be Funny” basically cancelled after he comes on with tasteless cracks about Terri Schiavo wearing rabbit ears.