Tuesday, May 20, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Jay Santos and the Citizens Auxiliary Police are going up to people's houses and blasting an air horn, yelling Orange Alert, to remind people that terrorists could strike at any moment.

Monday, May 19, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Ted Bell is a wealthy restaurant owner who was yelled at by a pedestrian for speeding, so he's trying to get the city to enact an ordinance that prohibits people from confronting important businessmen. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Friday, May 16, 2003 Hour 1: Vernon Dozier wants Americans to appease blacks by casting their American Idol vote for Ruben Studdard over Clay Aiken, otherwise blacks will pull the race card. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: RERUN of 2003-04-28 hour two. Lost a son in Iraq.

Thursday, May 15, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: RERUN of 2003-02-04 hour three. Sex ed inspired by the Columbia breakup.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Doug Dannger says Americans need to get on the ball and pay homage to American Idol. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003 Hour 1: Jeff Dowdder is marching to Washington to demand a monument to war protesters to be erected near the Vietnam Wall. it would have a sculpture of Barbra Streisand and Charlie Sheen. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Monday, May 12, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Bob Green puts his employees to the test by faking a heart attack. He keeps track of who responds and who visits him in the hospital to find out who's loyal, and follows up with a round of mass-firings. Phil closes talking about the struggles of parenting and discipline.

Friday, May 9, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Thursday, May 8, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Bobbie Dooley runs a debutante ball, and makes it a point to criticize young ladies with flat chests because that will hinder their social mobility. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Wednesday, May 7, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: VARIETY.