Hour 1: Bob Green is with "Love Moves of California" and teaches women how to give their husbands lap dances. Hour 2: Chris Norton records womens births and then puts porn music on it and tries to sell it back to them. He is with "Pacific Audio Creations". Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Margaret Gray wants to carry a gun at the Olympics to protect her from being raped by a foreigner behind a kabob stand [DJB]. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Clara is concerned that President Bush isn’t up on pop culture [DJB].

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Dave Oliva says we need to stop antagonizing the Taliban. Presenting the World Trade Center flag at the Olympics will anger terrorists, and burning the US flag might appease them. Hour 3: Bobbie Dooley of "Mothers With Sons" has a son who is very handsome and popular. Her son was victimized by a "slut", and said he was trying to keep the girl from spreading her legs, even though the bruises were on the inside. Cold close at end.

Hour 1: Bobbie Dooley hates Erin Brockovich because she's doing things Bobbie could do if she had more time. Among those things is giving sex to Hollywood producers. Phil closes taking calls, talks about a passenger afraid of flying being assaulted, John Walker, Osama bin Laden. Hour 2: Bob Green is with Secret Admirers, who believe that stalking them is the best way to show one's love. He says he's being their guardian angel. He'll be taking care of a few things, like someone who thinks he's her boyfriend. Phil closes on listener phone calls making a difference, the lack of humor after 9/11. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Dean Wheeler is offering Valentine's Day dance packages, which includes Rohypnol, the date rape drug. Dean argues the drug is an aphrodisiac and helps relieve a woman's nervousness. Phil closes on CIA holding cells and John Walker. Hour 2: Ted Bell was attacked by a lesbian employee with an ice pick when he tried to put the moves on her in the cooler. He says Rosie O'Donnell is a traitor to us all and his employee is a heterosexual. After all, his restaurant is a meat restaurant. Phil closes on Afghanistan reporters. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Chris Norton says that because of feminists like Mavis Leno, American women are uglier than they were in the 1970s, so he needs to date 16-year old girls even though he's 28. Hour 3: Steve Bosell made a crack at a menstruating woman with his construction workers. They didn't laugh so he fired them, including one who had a kid on dialysis.

Hour 1: Pastor Rennick is trying to fund his alcoholism treatment by going to senior citizen homes, pretending he is Jesus, and charging $100. Flashback of Col. Buck Negro from 2002-02-01b, which Phil mistakenly refers to as 'yesterday' instead of 'Friday.' Hour 2: Bob McGraw is running a Hollywood tour where people can watch movie stars get manicures and pedicures. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Vernon Dozer says Canada NHL needs to move their game out of Superbowl weekend, especially since the 9-11 terrorists came into the US through Canada. Vernon is angry and certain that it was lazy Canadian Border Guards that caused 9/11 (Source: R Hutchins). Hour 2: VARIETY. Closes with Phil's first Col. Buck Negro bit. Hour 3: Margaret Gray says the way to deal with Islamic terrorists is to hold up a cross and say "In the name of Christ they shall not do this".

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Larry Grover talks about senior citizens and driving. He says you bury your dead and move on. Hour 3: After an 8 minute opener, Don Fordham (Parsley) feels sexually humiliated by Groundhog Day and can't say Gobblers Knob or Jackson Hole (21m). He is with an organization called 'Surviving Prostitution'. He hasn't sworn off prostitutes because that's Step 12 and he's on Step 6. Phil says this is a retooling of a bit he did earlier in the month.