“Dennis,” calling from “Bramford, Massachusetts” opened up a can of worms tonight when he said he was a conservative in favor of Obamacare because it would, if enacted, pay for his wife’s “gluteal enhancements.” Dennis said his wife “has an ass like a 90 year old man” and it causes her deep psychic pain….and him too. As it is he’s going to have his wife get the procedure and then stiff the doctor and hospital.

RC Collins from Bradley Military Academy told Phil that ever since he has been dating this girl named Margerite he’s decided he’s against the death penalty. So even though he’s “good to go” and ready to “eat his own guts” for his country he would not have been able to go on the Bin Laden mission. After all, he wants to “spend the night” some night with Margerite and he has to be against the death penalty and other stuff to do that.

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