Tonight it was Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police telling Phil about "Operation Safe Streets" which is a campaign to go door to door and find out "how green people are." In the course of talking to people at the door, if Jay or his men happen to step over the threshold to "take a peak around" people need to go with it otherwise "that's a red flag." Jay basically cited case law (or tried to) that he claims says if a cop is suddenly chased into your house by a bee and while he's in your house he sees cocaine, he can bust you. Idea by the way from BSPer Sgt. Sittle. Next up Austin Amarca, a cabinet-maker from Lancaster, Ca. wants a law passed prohibiting people who make under $40, 000 a year and win a hundred million dollar jackpot from getting any publicity. Why? Because for a guy like Austin, who serves his daughter Eggo's in the morning instead of real buttermilk pancakes because he doesn't have time to make them, hearing about some guy with no teeth who works in a convenience store winning 258 million in Missouri Powerball is almost too much to bear.

Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police teamed up with the Gator Brigade of Central Florida to hunt pervs at the opening of the Wizadry World of Harry Potter in Orlando. As usual Jay is checking people out to make sure they aren't adults just taking advantage of the availablity of "so much veal." Jay also is suspicious of adults that don't look like their kids so he asks them "are you sure your wife was always faithful to you?" Later on David G. Hall gave Bud permission to blow a vuvuzela everytime he heard something cool. When Phil read a headline about a woman trying to lose her fear of monkeys by going to an island filled with monkeys, Bud blew the horn. Chris Norton talked about the guts it takes to have a Brazilian wax for men and the fact he charged women 5 bucks a head to watch him get one.

The verdict  in the trial of former BART cop Johannes Mehserle in the shooting death of Oscar Grant III prompted protests today in Oakland, some getting a little rough with fires and broken windows. Professor Emory Clayton was in Oakland and decided on a form of "civil disobedience" that wouldn't hurt anyone. He walked down Broadway holding the last of a lunchtime apple he was eating. When he saw a white woman with a particularly big butt locking up her store, he threw the apple at her ass and ran back to his car. He told Phil on the show "as I ran I could feel the police brutality all over me. No cop actually hit me but that's not the point. I was doing 500 years of swamp running." Next, Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police was also in Oakland helping out another citizens "police" auxiliary, the San Francisco Seals. That's right. They're named after the old hockey team. Anyway, once Jay saw a high number of white people gathering to protest along with black people he realized the black people there might resent the whites because of their tendency to "make protests about police brutality look silly with cell phones and waving at cameras they don't see." Sub-Commander Gleason was upstairs in a hotel room watching the street gatherings on TV and sure enough went to the window and gave Jay the "high-sign, two thumbs up and one thumb down, which means the protests looks stupid. He was telling us to move the whites down a block and get them coffee."

Bobbie Dooley discusses her ideas to make America safer, especially in flight. Nerve gas released by the pilot, axes and machetes hidden with the flotation devices and cockpit doors made of iron. Bobbie also and inevitably talks about who's kid gets to survive...her's, the one left at home or yours, the one on the plane. Naturally your kid gets nerve-gassed. Next up Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police tells Phil that the magic words he uses to frisk or 'spread" people are "Turn around, put your hands on your head and shut your pie hole." Jay says that if those words are spoken with "the voice of authority" then the people will do just that and hence give their consent. Jay also says his ace-in-the-hole is that it's suspicious to be out on 9/11 at the mall eating a corn dog.

Tonight's show featured an appearance by Jay Santos of the Citizens Axilliary Police to provide information to the public on dealing with resisting suspects. Jay's main point is all bets are off if a suspect puts their hands on the officer...or "ociffer" in Jay-speak. If the suspect puts their hands on the cop, whether the suspect is a 10 year old girl or an 80 year old man procedure calls for collaring the individual around the head or shoulders and running them, head first, into any stationary cement or asphalt object. Next, the story of a man video-taping a child molester's confession and putting it on YouTube, inspires Phil to bring on Norther California Holistic Center Director Dean Wheeler who was secretly taped by his wife Belinda slapping her when she lost some money and papers for the center. Dean feels the real crime was not him slapping his wife but her secretly recording him doing it. He also slapped her when she added "too much gluten to a walnut loaf she was making. I have Celiac disease which causes my stool to be oily," says Dean. But Deans says he's evolved. He used to hit her with a balled up fist and now uses his open hand. Soon, he'll evolve to the point where he'll remove his rings.

Tonight, leading the first hour off was German writer Shoel Heller who was perplexed by Americans and their going back and forth come election time. "First you like Obama, then you don't, then you do, then you don't. " At this rate, said Mr. Heller, with Germany looking to America for its example, "we might as well go back to National Socialism. Good strong leadership and we're not flip-flopping every two years."                                  Recent voting Later came Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police. Jay and his "sub-commanders" were at polling places today looking at the way people are dressed. "Some of these people were not dressed appropriately. One guy had a pic in his hair and another guy had on swim trunks. I saw another woman wearing a Van de Kamps waitress uniform." Jay said he and his men were sending people home to get into suits and formal head wear until the LA County Sherrif showed up and "made us sit on the curb all lined up like bitches" so that people driving by made fun of them in their bermuda shorts and pith helmets.

A discussion of Christmas and family tonight as we talked with the Dooleys, Bobbie and Steve, about how they extend invitations to family members living around the country and then "pray to the savior Jesus and say please.....PLEASE...make them turn down the invite and say no." Why this contradictory attitude? "It's polite and gracious to offer but it's also expected that people with class will say no." Bobbie says in California, when you invite relatives in from out of state to visit, people say they "got the smell of hog on them..." The hostage taking at a school board meeting in Florida was talked about by Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police. While an armed security guard ended the standoff by shooting the gunmen who then took his own life, Jay doesn't think the guard was a hero. "I could have taken the guy without the use of a firearm. Just present a small target and come at him sideways so there's less wind resistance. Then lock my left arm around his neck and right arm across his head, rotate him 180 degress so the cameras see what I'm doing and snap his neck." The audience: Jay would never pass the standard psych test for cops.

Tonight David G. Hall guested and railed against a man who won a million dollars in a McDonald's contest. "I have way more dignity than that. If anyone offered me a million dollars I'd hock on the check, fold it in half and stick in the guys shirt pocket. I'm not here to give McDonalds their jollies, winning a contest and having my picture taken with a guy in an orange wig." Jay Santos joined us second hour. Jay feels that people uinloading Christmas presents from their cars and taking them to their homes pose a risk. What's in the packages? Are they really presents....or do they contain the makings for an at-home bomb factory. Jay and his CAP sub-commanders try a variety of things to get people to drop their packages. Tossing a rubber black widow spider onto the package is one way. They also use those fake rubber vomit puddles to try and gross people out. In our third and final hour we replay "A Phil Hendrie Christmas Carol" from 2009 starring Bud Dickman as Ebeneezer Dickman

Tonight Steve Bosell tells us he got called into his daughters school again, this time because she overheard him say he wants to see the Bin Laden death photo. Steve put up with the usual abuse from the liberalized children of CK Corona School but for the first time admitted to wanting to throw Bradley, the know-it-all 11 year old, from his car at a high speed. He also gave us insight into "Mrs Proctor" the school principal who never speaks, always wears a commencement gown and once called his home at night just to be heard breathing into the receiver Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police joined Phil in his second hour to explain why there has been a rash of people on airliners "going crazy" and trying to open cabin and cockpit doors. Jay feels it's some kind of Osama-inspired psychosis but not serious. More serious, says Jay, is attempting to restrain those people. Their "hysterical adrenaline" may kick in and they will have enough strength to tear the door off and "suck everyone out of the cabin!"

              They couldn't get communism right Tonight it was Dr. Ron Tarner putting forth the controversial opinion that the American economy doesn't work and that communism needs to be given a try. On the heels of Obama's jobs speech Tarner said the reason why communism didn't work in Ruissia is because "Russians are racially inferior but I don't mean that the Nazi way. I just mean they did things like fertilize their crops with human waste." Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police reported from the blackout in San Diego saying he and his "subcommanders" were knocking on doors house to house. If there was no answer he would assume "there could be a person in there in an iron lung that's unplugged.." So Jay and his men made forcible entry. Going by one of Major Elvis Newton's precepts, "Don't smell 'em before you see 'em," Jay told Phil he didn't want to miss helping someone who may be incapacitated only to get a call days later that something in the same neighborhood smells like a "sausage factory."