The Best Of Ted Bell...As Chosen By The BSP's...Now in the Shop

Margeret Grey was on tonight talking about a parent-student dance at her sons school where she busted out some "Broadway" moves that she used in New York when she was a (struggling, if ever employed) dancer there. She did the 'cat-crawl, a full lay-out, wrapped her leg around a boys waist that she was dancing with and hiked her skirt above her hips. "You've seen the sculpture of David, right? Well my ass could go right along side it." Ted Bell from "Ted's of Beverly Hills" brought up HPV's again (High Performance Vehicles) and the one he owns-A Mercedes McLaren. As a successful businessman who is "going from one end of this city to the other everyday trying to save the country from Obama." Ted feels he, and about 5 of his friends, should be allowed to drive while holding the cell in one hand and the steering wheel in another. "I don't have time to fool around with a blue tooth when there are lives at stake." Besides, Ted tells us, he can steer that Mercedes with one finger. One of the best calls of the last 4 years is in this segment. In our final hour the return of "As You Like To Hear Them" and an interview with "Bill O'Reilly" who tells Phil, sure, he felt bad for the Marine dad and agreed to pay his court costs but the promotional value of doing that was never far from his mind.....

Tonight on our return David G. Hall finds fault with Phil describing his Caribbean vacation to listeners, "most of whom will never be able to afford one." David says talk radio listeners are conservatives and so are not prone to appreciate Phil's "diversity lectures about how you were hanging in the Grenadines with socialists and homosexuals." In hour two, Phil announced he's through with supporting oil drilling, all the while acknowledging that most likely no one cares what he supports. Phil also moderately supported the Houston teacher that beat up one of her students: "Teachers have been beating up students for centuries. Now we get sensitive about it?" In the final hour, it's a question of loyalty for show sponsor Ted bell who reminds Phil that this Sunday is the 25th anniversary of Ted learning about his fathers death...the same day Ted put Captain Morgans and Coke together and invented the "Ted."

On tonights show, Dr. Ron Tarner, an astronomer and astrophysicist, tells us that he has been asked by an old friend, Dr. Bob Winslow of the Mountain Meadow School District, to teach a class in sexual abstinence to middle schoolers. Because of budget cuts the school is short of teachers. So Ron agrees and tells the children that the best way to abstain from sex is by masturbating. In speaking with the parents, Ron says he has to "go slow and explain very carefully that you can't make babies from masturbation." Ron feels that as a very educated man he might as well be talking to people in "bonnets from the 17th century who believe that flickering lights caused by swamp gas are actually dancing elves and pixies." Ted Bell joins Phil for a discussion of LeBron James and another "backstabber. Don Voges." Mr. Voges is a former chef who worked for Ted until Don took a job at a Shula Steak House in Memphis so he could be close to the St. Judes Hospital for Children. Don's daughter is sick with Leukemia. Ted however says the guy was "stepping over my body like I'm a passed out drunk in a doorway" on his way to better money the same way Lebron James "stepped over Dan Gilberts body in a doorway." Ted finally says that what James did is like "digging up James Naismiths corpse and playing with his remains by the moonlight."

Robert Green, otherwise known as Bob, the CEO of Frazier Foods joined Phil to talk with him about Prop 19, an initiative on the California ballot to legalize marijuana in the state. Bob believes the legalization of marijuana will be good for his grocery business because when people smoke weed they get hungry. Bob told this to his employees and told them that he wanted them to vote for it as well. When challenged over the fact that employees who said they wouldn't vote for it no longer worked there, Green said he'd always thought they went off to "work in a religious mission or join a church since they were morally opposed."He couldn't recall firing them outright. Next hour it was our friend Ted Bell, owner of Ted's of Beverly Hills. Ted was happy that President Obama was able to stop the terror threat posed to the country Friday by bombs place aboard aircraft bound for the United States. But, he said, he was a little sad that maybe just one of those planes didn't turn into "a fireball on the horizon. I'm just saying one...and only one fuselage floating in the Atlantic" might have given the Senate and the House back to the Republicans this Tuesday because Republicans rank high on security issues. Oh well, sighed Ted. You can dream can't you?