Hour 1: Ted Bell is upset over getting a Mercedes loaner while his Jag was being repaired. He let his kid drive the car while he hid in the back seat and she ran over someone. Hour 2: Steve Bosell is suing because Roy Hutchins had a barbecue on Good Friday. Steve made a crown of thorns & crucified a doll. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Bob Green discusses the benefits of having a huge penis. In fact, one date he ended up pressing rape charges. Phil closes telling a story about Maria's dad, who looks like Ronald Reagan. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Vernon Dozier as a child was deprived of the nipple, so now he goes around exposing the breasts of women who bottle-feeding children and shames them, saying they have two perfectly good breasts. He also asks lactating women for a drink of milk. "Maaan, I sure could use a lactating..." (15m).

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Colleen Kristen Brewster is promoting a cruise and oh yeah, Sandy Ellis stank bad because she forgot to remove her tampon [DJB].

Hour 1: Bob McGraw proposes a Playboy pictorial of the widows of 9-11 and says proceeds can go to 'children that have been beaten'. The book is called "Twin Towers Went Down, Your Tower Is Going Up". Hour 2: Jay Santos is patrolling outside stores to make sure parents are buying their kids Easter candy, not expensive Easter gifts. Jay says commercializing Easter puts pressure on poor families. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Pastor Rennick is using church funds to provide breast augmentation for a woman in his congregation. He says Halle Berry is talentless and she won the Oscar only by exposing herself and doing a white man. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Bobbie Dooley is upset that Will Smith’s child manipulated him into leaving the Oscars early.

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Tony Neill calls on Hollywood to tip their hat to their Muslim friends being detained in Guantanamo. He wants to honor Camp X-Ray detainees by giving them front row seats at the Academy Awards. Hour 3: Steve Bosell held up an airport security checkpoint because he was trying to get the names of the TSA officers who laughed at his spurs and lambskin jeans and then pointed at his erection.

Hour 1: Margaret claims Barbara Walters is stealing her interviews with Halle Berry and Sarah Jessica Parker [DJB]. Hour 2: Father McQuarters says that his thoughts of molestation and "stealing a kiss in the moonlight" can be absolved through self-confession. He tells callers to stop breaking the church's balls over the molestation scandal, and says you're dealing with an agent of God. Hour 3: VARIETY. Colonel Buck Negro with more from the foremost conservative talk show host in the nation; his opinion cannot be budged [DJB].

Hour 1: Doug Dannger is looking for the Big Gay Win at the Oscar awards. talks about Ian McKellen who plays a gay man and a gay wizard as Gandalf in Lord Of The Rings. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Art Griego is a former professional baseball player who says they intentionally hit foul balls at people in the stands who heckle them. This is in the wake of the death of Brittanie Cecil's death at a hockey game.

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Bobbie Dooley is showing pornographic slides of their Tahitian vacation to their "less fortunate" neighbors at Western Estates HOA. Hour 3: Bob Green helps fathers who have lost children to re-invest their money, in wake of the Andrea Yates tragedy.

Hour 1: RERUN of 2002-01-08 hour three BDO. Be aggressive at Little League. Hour 2: RERUN of 2002-02-05 hour three SBO. Firing sensitive construction workers. Hour 3: RERUN of 2002-01-18 hour two VDO. Looking for child molesters.