Lose 70 pounds, shave and grow hair and you haven’t changed a bit!

Vision, preparation, flexibility and a willingness to spit in the face of death. That’s what sets Hamster Mens Wear apart from all the rest…our mens heavy work shirts, casual corduroys and outdoor gear don’t tie themselves down. Looking at all the options sometimes means changing the name of the company in the middle of a print ad. And that makes Walrus Men’s Wear the only thing you want on when you change your mind and duck out the back. Remember, Drags Strip Men’s Wear.*

*Oh you didn’t think this was funny huh? It was funny enough. Don’t worry about it. Pain in the ass

Tonight, Father James McQuarters came to the defense of a Waterbury, Conneticut priest accused of bilking his parish out of more than a million dollars over seven years. Father Kevin Grey used the money for male escorts, designer clothing, swank hotels and expensive restaurants and when asked why by police he told them he “had it coming.” Father McQuarters calimed that being a priest and hearing peoples confessions can drive a man over the edge. “One time after hearing a litany of filth and sewage for an entire morning, I went outside and told a lady dropping her kid off for school that I wanted to look up her dress. I had to unstress.” Art Griego, the retired commercial pilot joined the show later to talk about what he terms the medias “over reporting of plane crashes and other aviation incidents.” Earlier Phil had mentioned the story of a United flight heading from DC to LA landing in Denver because some 30 people were injured by turbulance. Art was stunned Phil would report such an inocuous incident. When people fall down because of turbulence it’s because they didn’t “do what the head flight attendant told them to do. Sit down, buckle up and shut up.” Art says back in the day when people were knocked off balance by turbulence the pilots would say it’s a “Spaz Express.”

Craig Battaglia, a salesman with Slitnick Industries is personally responsible for strangling to death some 37 women since 2002. He’s our “One Man’s Opinion” tonight on the Phil Hendrie Web Site. Tonight’s question: “Do you forgive BP for the oil leak now that they seem to have it under control?”

CB: I want to thank Phil and the crew for giving me this opportunity. Weighing in on such an important matter is an honor because I know I get to speak to many more people that just one disinterested whore that I’m buying beer after beer after beer for. If I don’t have an opinion it’s not because I don’t care deeply about this issue. I do, very much so. But I’m handsome. That means when I speak to people and start laying it on real thick they think they’re talking to William F. Buckley. In this forum however, I’m at a disadvantage since you can’t peer into my eyes and read this shit I’m writing at the same time. Why I agreed to this…??? Fuck this. Craig Battaglia.

That brings the total DATs transferred to 20 weeks . . . roughly 5 months of programming.  No wonder most don’t bother, it IS labor intensive.  We’ll now begin April 2002 and then May 2002 and 2002 should then be……….complete and ready to be processed!

 

March 2004 is now available for download! We are working on editing/converting the January 2002 DAT’s and hope to have those online sometime tomorrow or Thursday. Cheers

We had Colleen Cristin Brewster on the show for the first time in some ten years. She’s older and dumber in this episode where her Party Circle Cruise will take overweight tweens and teens on a one week cruise between San Pedro and Catalina Island. The purpose? To teach the kids how to “Lose The Weight!”, meaning puke overboard but David G. Hall comes on the show to tell Phil he isn’t to use the word “puke.” Nor is he allowed to use “vomit”, “barf” or “throwing up.” Turns out Colleen is paying David to be interviewed by Phil to see what kind of business his show can drum up. When she asks Phil why she isn’t getting any calls he tells her it’s because no one knows what it is she’s talking about. She says to David “this won’t do” and hangs up. Later Pastor William Rennick comments on Glenn Beck claiming to an audience this past weekend that he’s going blind. Pastor Rennick says that he lost faith in God when Glenn Beck arrived on the scene but now has a renewed faith in God since hearing Beck is going blind. When a woman with sight in only one eye calls in to criticize Rennick, the pastor tells her “Here’s what I think of your one good eyeball” and belches into the phone. Dick.

I’m glad I’m getting the house painted. Who knew it meant having a new roof put on?…… I’m glad I work in that part of the radio business where you have to know how to do something…..Outsourcing US Intelligence work? To who? The Chinee’?….

His name was Jason Green, he was 32 , he was suspended by the FDNY for 30 days for abandoning Au Bon Pain (I don’t know what that is but I guess it’s a place where this lady worked) worker Eutisha Rennix in December and…drum roll…he was shot in the face outside of Greenhouse club in Soho, New York damn city this very morning. He was off duty at the time but I guess he was when he let that lady die too so whats good for your goose is good for a gander.

So I said to my wife that I didn’t believe that at all. And then, because many of you know I write comedy in my spare time, I said to my wife, “Okay so that means if I don’t help a fat woman with her groceries I get shot as sure as God made a green apple?” And then I paused for the laughter and she doesn’t laugh. And so I tell myself, don’t get discouraged, try another one but I’m thinking oh my God what a C-word for not admitting that was funny. So then I say “Well, I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I’d like to live past lunch even if I forget to tip my cap to a woman thats lactating,.” And I wait like the book tells you too..beat, beat, beat…and she doesn’t laugh. And then my daughter comes in and is brushing her hair and says “Daddy, a woman died. You don’t make jokes about that.” I was stunned more than anything else. I’d have to say, if you were to press me, I’d say I was stunned. The only think I could think to do was mumble my apologies, get up and go to the bedroom where I just threw myself on the bed and buried my face in a pillow. But then I turned slightly and saw my wife go by the door to take my daughter to school so I yell “I’d like to bury my face in something else!” And my wife yells at me about the girl and how inappropriate I am and that the girl shouldn’t hear that. Oh my God. I can’t win for losing. So I’ve put a call into Dee. She gets to the office about…oh, its only 4 a.m. here in California. And Blasingame is gonna think I’m up late looking at porn. Great. Now I’m F’ed. I’ll hold off. Calling her, I mean. Not hold off the other thing. And my daughter has to go to school at 4 am why? Must be a swim deal.