I'm Vernon Dozier and I know many of you know who I am. Do you know what is in that picture down there? You don't? That's called a c-u-....It's called a you know what. It's called a c-word, is what it's called. It's also my mother-in-law, Debbie Dockton.                            Oh, Jesus. I married her daughter Stephanie when Stephanie had just graduated BelMar, where I teach. She was 18. Not 17. Not 16. She was 18 and the last I checked that's legal in the sovereign state of California so that thing in the picture can shut the clean-out under it's nose. But it doesn't. Let me tell you what a cun....God, I wish I could say it. Let me tell you what a c-u-n-(and the next letter rhymes with "P") is. It's a woman that starts a problem when no problem needed to be started. When everything was fine, nice and calm, it walked into the house and gave you that look. When everyone was getting along, it decided it would open old wounds. See, the C thinks it's 'clearing up old business," "getting to it," "not hiding from the truth." But a C never does get to the truth. Under the guise of wanting to get to the truth the C just wants to see you bleed from the eyes again. It wants to go over and over and over the night...oh I don't know...let's say the night it's daughter graduated from high school and the worst man in the world, the guy it calls "Pervernon" because that word helps make it laugh and keeps the muscles in its face from atrophy, grabbed Stephanie from the stage and took off. About 20 minutes later, when it was driving home with the long suffering, stooped and beaten chew-toy it calls a husband, it spotted my truck parked at cabin 4, Blue Moon Motel. My mother-in-law took this picture of my truck parked, cabin 4.. Oh my God let's have a coronary. It's a wedding night. But ever since that night, I've had to listen to it. Typical night. Phone rings. Me: "Hello" The C: "Oh, hi Pervernon. Can I talk to OFS?" "OFS" stands for "operation: field slut." So, I'm a pervert but it's own daughter is a field slut because it married...or I mean she married me. There's a 31 year age difference. So what? What if I married the C instead? She's closer to my age. Why not? Well, I would have but Debbie...that's my mother in law, the C...Debbie, instead of being OFS is OTA and that interferes with setting up OPT. There, try figuring that out, C-Word! Glossary OFA--Operation: Trucked Face OPP--Operation: Poontang I wanna ask one other question. What is this "Float On" bullshit. What the living hell?

It was vernon Dozier doing battle with Dr. Jim Sadler tonight over who is more of a "MA-MA boy." (Not Ma-Ma's boy says Vernon because that's possessive and Vernon's "masculist" group doesn't accept any man being possessed by his MA-MA) Dr. Sadler became so upset at losing the debate he got in his car and drove to Dozier's house where he tried to gain access by posing as a pizza delivery guy and a telegram courier. Neither worked and Sadler called Phil's show back, crying... Phil and his crew discussed Steve Harvey crying on TV Wednesday afternoon.... Jay Santos discussed with Phil the story of a child ejected from a car in Russia and almost being run down by a semi. A similar thing happened to two of Jay's adopted sons, a "Pacific Islander" named Reggie and an "Asian" named Jerry. Jay's thrid son, an African-American named Cleon was safe. The two boys were "fired from the car, parallel to the ground, at about 50 miles an hour straight into a snow bank. Their diapers were almost completely torn off "due to wind shear."

Well Dr. Ron Tarner was none too please Steve Jobs retired and said so to his students and Phil in our first hour. Ron told Phil that compared to Steve Jobs his students had "dead eyes, like the dead eyes of a corpse." He confiscated all PC's as an insult to Mr. Jobs and plans on selling them on EBay since all they are good for is "picking up men on the MySpace." Vernon Dozier recounted the story of his marriage to Amber, 30 years his junior and the opposition he got from her family. Her brother Ray said that Vernon was "some kind of exotic freak." Vernon told Phil he got his revenge. Following the Virginia quake, Vernon told Ray, who lives in Virginia with the rest of the family, to put together an earthquake preparedness kit. He'd need "two shower caps, a muffler, some duct tape, yogurt, a ceiling fan and a cap pistol." Vernon was sittinjg by the phone waiting for the first phone call of indignation to come in