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I've tried promoting my business via this Twitter and I don't think I'll be able to take it much longer. I spent a good amount of money coming up with the right slogan for my business. "We want to put our meat in your mouth" was the winner out of some 15 or 16 that made the cut. Among them: "Steak so thick and juicy you'd marry it" and "Our award winning chops, steaks and ribs are talking to you right now." I went with "We want to put our meat in your mouth" because it was the direct message, the clear and concise message. It was only after I'd gotten home and was fixing myself a drinkl that I got the call from Terry Hoban who said "Blow jobs. We forgot the whole blow job angle." I recall my glass and ice hitting the tiled pool bar floor I was standing in but I recovered very quickly. "Don't touch it," I said. Don't go near it. We take the high road." Well, some 15 years later the slogan survives but not without idiots still looking to put a big, brown stain on it. And so comes Twitter and the predictable clods peppering me with "tweets" about meat, my mouth, their mouths, their meat, my meat...you get the picture. Ted's Of Beverly Hills becomes the slobber poster child and the image is perpetuated by Twitter. Who do I blame? Well I don't blame myself. That's simply a matter of policy. I could blame Phil Hendrie, who hosts our segment on his show. He has about as juvenile an audience as I've ever seen. The only one worse was when I used to do the odd shot on Tom Joyner. I could blame Marcy, my wife, who looked at me from over the edges of her sunglasses when I came home with the campaign then began undressing right there in the back yard. She simply could have said "Oh, you want me to blank your blank? Why didn't you say so" and I would have explained. But when your wife's got what my wife's got and she starts taking her clothes off, even if you're standing in the foyer of an orphanage, God help me, you don't stop her. Today Ted's continues to slide its delicious meat into any willing mouth. But the price I've had to pay...people walking up to me on the street and saying "Say Ted, you wanna put your meat in my mouth?"...is one that brings to mind the actor Ned Beatty and the shit storm he's weathered for 40 years all because he....................................................squealed like a pig. I'm Ted Bell

Ep. 2835

Ted Bell from Ted’s of Beverly Hills has another slogan

Ep. 87

Bill O'Reilly is having sexual harassment problems at Fox, so Ted Bell comes on the show to tell Phil that he doesn't have those problems. He has a "direct action program" for his waitresses. Yeah, sure... From October 2004.
Friday, January 28, 2005 Hour 1: Tonight is an all request show, featuring bits from Austin Amarka, Bobbie Dooley, Raj Fahneen, Ted Bell, with special appearances by Hal and Viola, RC Collins, and Bud Dickman! Hour 2: The all request show continues, with classic bits from Vernon Dozier, Art Bell and General Johnson Jamison, Lloyd Bonifide, Margaret Gray, and Ted Bell. Bud calls and insists on playing the bit where he farts, and a special request from Charlie the Complainer: to speak to Lowry Mays! Hour 3: Hour three of the all request show kicks off with Vernon Dozier and “Plane go Boom.” This hour also features bits from Herb Sewell, Doug Dannger, Margaret Gray, Bobbie Dooley, Paul McNamara, and capping off the show with Margaret Gray, David G. Hall and Lloyd Bonifide in the classic “Say you say me.” Show log by Kyle Davis.

Ep. 2410

“Face-Off,” a debate between Ted Bell and Bob Green on their respective advertising slogans.

Ep. 2733

Ted Bell has to retool another sports bar promotion

Show Log

Robert Green, otherwise known as Bob, the CEO of Frazier Foods joined Phil to talk with him about Prop 19, an initiative on the California ballot to legalize marijuana in the state. Bob believes the legalization of marijuana will be good for his grocery business because when people smoke weed they get hungry. Bob told this to his employees and told them that he wanted them to vote for it as well. When challenged over the fact that employees who said they wouldn't vote for it no longer worked there, Green said he'd always thought they went off to "work in a religious mission or join a church since they were morally opposed."He couldn't recall firing them outright. Next hour it was our friend Ted Bell, owner of Ted's of Beverly Hills. Ted was happy that President Obama was able to stop the terror threat posed to the country Friday by bombs place aboard aircraft bound for the United States. But, he said, he was a little sad that maybe just one of those planes didn't turn into "a fireball on the horizon. I'm just saying one...and only one fuselage floating in the Atlantic" might have given the Senate and the House back to the Republicans this Tuesday because Republicans rank high on security issues. Oh well, sighed Ted. You can dream can't you?
Hour OneTed Bell of Ted's of Beverly Hills feels that anyone ordering their steak "medium to medium well" is gutless and more worried about mad cow disease than our men and women in harms way in Iraq. Get a pair, says Ted, and eat your steak rare.Hour TwoDavid G. Hall opens the hour telling Phil that the Quizno's baby was abducted and found in a barrel....and then says he's only kidding.....Phil reads a list of new bits added to the archives....Phil reads some e-mail including one with new, funniest lines from the show....Phil wonders when the Long Beach Blues Festival is which leads to Bud saying he likes the blues even though he doesn't like "Negroes.".....Rudy Canosa calls in to say he is shamed to realize that saying La-la-la with your tongue hanging out to American women means something "filthy.".....Phil wonders how tough an assignment Aruba must be for Greta and Alan Colmes.......Hour Three:Chris Norton, a young pharmaceutical rep from Hermosa Beach, tells Phil that he and his friends are all "hot-looking, young professionals" who want to keep their beach for "hot-looking people only." It's tough, he says, "having a Mes-sican scramble and seeing some beast come down the bike path. You can't keep your eggs down."

Ep. 3291

Ted Bell rolls out “Ted Nog” live

Show Log

Tonight on our return David G. Hall finds fault with Phil describing his Caribbean vacation to listeners, "most of whom will never be able to afford one." David says talk radio listeners are conservatives and so are not prone to appreciate Phil's "diversity lectures about how you were hanging in the Grenadines with socialists and homosexuals." In hour two, Phil announced he's through with supporting oil drilling, all the while acknowledging that most likely no one cares what he supports. Phil also moderately supported the Houston teacher that beat up one of her students: "Teachers have been beating up students for centuries. Now we get sensitive about it?" In the final hour, it's a question of loyalty for show sponsor Ted bell who reminds Phil that this Sunday is the 25th anniversary of Ted learning about his fathers death...the same day Ted put Captain Morgans and Coke together and invented the "Ted."
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