Can you relate? Bradley Cooper, playing the gay lover of a pro-football player and Julia Roberts, as an American soldier on leave, in 'Valentines Day' ...watching "Valentines Day" with Queen whats-her-ass and Jennifer Garner and George Lopez. I'm a gay man and a gay journalist so I recognize an all-star cast right? Well, while it eventually made it's way to an interesting series of loose-ends getting knotted up, it blew so much hyena at the beginning (no guy gets this excited about Valentines Day, gay or straight, no matter how much Hollywood would will it so and you know I'm gay. Right?) I stopped watching and only heard about how it got better, but not much better, this morning from a friend I was watching it with. A straight freind.  See, I'm a gay man and a gay journalist so I automatically stop watching all movies that I recognize as "mind-emptying" machines, a machine the Klingons threatened Captain Kirk and Commander Spock with during one episode of Star Neck. "With our mind emptying machine Capatin, you would be dead and your first officer a hopeless 've-je-taa-bull'." The mind-emptying machine apparently doesn't have as serious an effect on Vulcans as it does on humans. Add to Vulcans being tougher against the mind-emptier gays as well. But still the Hollywood Mind-Emptying Machine endeavors to rebuild the world along the lines that some screenwriter would like it so the eventual dumb things the characters do make sense. In "Valentines Day" a straight guy (Ashton Kutcher) owns a flower shop and is all a-titter over whether his girl-friend will say "yes" to his propoasal of marriage and so are all of his employees. So is everyone in the city. The only one who doesn't know about the impending proposal is the girlfriend. I mean she is really fucking clueless too which is very odd seeing as how she's dating some panting dog of a man who probably telegraphs his every wistful thought with a hard-on. And as a gay man and a gay journalist I also noticed George Lopez playing this guys truck driver who sees Valentines Day as similar to Christmas, counting down the minutes to the end. and then having to wait aaaallll year for another one. No man thinks this way. No woman thinks this way either. And Lopez was fine playing a truck driver so long as they didn't make a hispanic character gay. It would make sense to have at least one flower shop employee gay. But they don't rise to the bait. Why don't I give them points? Because as a gay man and a gay journalist I readily recognized  Brad Coopers character as fag-leaning because he was metro-sexualed up and clueless when the chick flight attendant hit on him. I'm a gay man and a gay journalist, right? Right?! Okay. And then there is also an eight year old boy...eight!...who has such a serious crush on his teacher (Jennifer Garner) that he gets neurotic over the timely purchase and delivery of flowers to her. Because I'm a gay man and a gay journalist and therefore more perceptive and moral than the average person, I'm probably the only person who watched this movie that felt very uncomfortable with the fact the fimmakers sexualized a little kid, making him sappy over a woman 30 years his senior. What is that? And you know I'm gay. The whole movie bit Cleaver, as in Beaver, because it didn't take the marvelous feast of reality spread before us day in and day out on face value and instead tried to create an alternative universe filled with the aforementioned mung. I gave this turd two gay thumbs way down.

"While being interviewed by Phil, he got into a fight with a concessionaire over a cupie doll Doug claimed he won and was arrested for battery." Show Log For Tuesday July 17, 2012Starting the show was Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police announcing Operation Big Glove, a task force that he formed to look into Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his "Mickey Mouse" investigation of President Obama's birth certificate. ('Big Glove" was so named because Mickey Mouse wore over-sized gloves)Doug Dannger smacked around a carnival worker in a fight over a cupie doll and the usual, perceived homophobia Next up was self-described gay man and gay journalist Doug Dannger ripping into Phil for once having the unmitigated gall to tell writer/director David Mamet there was a factual error in one of his scripts. "You blew it Phil. You blew it big and you blew it hard and I say that even though I know you and Northcraft are going to be making your (whispered) queer jokes later on" Dannger pulled off the road to get a better connection and wound up parking near a shopping center carnival. While still being interviewed by Phil, he got into a fight with a concessionaire over a cupie doll Doug claimed he won and was arrested for battery

Steve Bosell did it again. This time is was Mary Kennedy. When he heard about her death he immediately went to his office to write Kennedy jokes for an MC gig at his church's men's club. He told one of them to his secretary who reacted "negatively and scornfully" to the point where a childhood trauma kicked in for Steve and he wet himself. He's suing for "emotional cruelty and loss of professional stature."Hans Landa: Maybe he had 'gaydar' tooDoug Dannger joined the show, discussing a new study that says some people have 'gaydar," an intuitive ability to know who is gay and who isn't. Doug told Phil he will physically assault anyone that says they have gaydar. Doug compared it to the "Inglorious Basterds" villain Hans Landa who claimed in the film he could "sniff out Jews."With Lloyd Bonafide