Cowboy Jim opens up with special guest Phil Hendrie who tells the kids he blew off a meeting with Comedy Central because they’re thieves. The Ted Bell comes on to tell Phil he’s blowing it not showing up for meetings with heavy cable networks. Phil waxes eloquent about how he and Maria celebrated their 8th wedding anniversary. We played a listener flashback and then Lorne Greene came on to warn spring breakers about the dangers of sharing needles. Bud Dickman read off his weekly list of NASCAR’s most radical accidents. Then Danny Akoli came on with the Hawaiian Stock Exchange Report. David calls and has Phil throw Danny off the air because he finds out Akoli is Hawaiian for a-s-s. Chris Norton calls at the end of the hour to say he can dance so sexually Terry Schiavo would sit up in bed.
Vernon Dozier’s wife has been in a coma for the last 2 years. He wants to honor her families wishes by keeping the feeding tube in her but the bills are piling up and he has recently started dating a 30 something flight attendant/tennis player who is “high maintenance.” He says that unfortunately he may be forced to remove his wife’s feeding tube if he doesn’t get a piece of his father-in-laws lucrative building supply business.
Herb Sewells Michael Jackson Report starts the hour. Tonight Herb regales us with the story of child-molester Blanchard Hoyle who, while incarcerated with Herb at Atascadero, actually looked forward to his electro-shock treatments by skipping into the room and flopping on the gurney like it was a chaise lounge. Phil then plugs the website and mentions a picture of himself on the site that dates to the days when Phil would do the Rose Parade with Margaret and Harvey. Jeff Dowder comes on with another installment of “What Would Jesus Do?” Today’s episode: What would Jesus do if the paper boy kept throwing Jesus’ paper on a wet lawn instead of the driveway? Then Phil mentions how Pat O’Brien can go to alcohol rehab and still do his “Insider” show. Just tape his segments from the day room of the dry-out clinic just before they strap Pat down for his afternoon thorazine treatment.
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Holy hell, I forgot how much material that bucked-out Terri Schiavo gave us. Someone should send that family a huge thank you card (and a check!)