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Monday, March 7, 2005

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Hour One:

Vernon Dozier, high school football coach, math teacher and avid NASCAR fan is on to complain about the fact that even though he "pleaded" with his wife not to have to baby-sit their granddaughter while he watched NASCAR, she made him thus forcing him to split his time between watching the racing on TV and cleaning baby puke off of his brand new "Nat Nast bowling shirt." That's why, when his wife got home, he gave her hair a "playful tug till it snapped her head back" while talking to her about his ruined afternoon. As Vernon said, "Messing with a NASCAR fan is like messing with a Bakersfield chimp."

Hour Two:

RC Collins wants to go on a "road trip" to San Francisco with his fellow cadets from Bradley to see Nobu Uematsu, famed Final Fantasy composer" and he wants to take his mom's Lexus but she won't let him. RC laments that his friend Raul will have to drive them in Raul's Camaro but RC is reluctant to be seen in a "Beaner-mobile." He goes on to tell one of Phil's callers that when "I bring Bin Laden's head into your kitchen on the end of my bayonet and place it on your kitchen counter, you don't even have to say thank you. Just don't make me ride around in a Bean Wagon.".

Hour Three:

Phil reminisces about being trapped in Hollywood during the first LA Marathon. The he comments quickly on what sounds like Florence Henderson's teeth sticking to her gums in the Polydent commercial. Then Phil does a quick commentary on the Italian journalist who was held captive by insurgents and then let go. Apparently she's spending more time squealing about the Yanks that shot at her car as it was speeding out of town. Phil then observes that Kirstie Alley's Fat Actress Show is a great idea since her life and the lives of the rest of these people are far more compelling than anything they do in TV or film. We then play a listener flashback of a classic, Bobbi Dooley's Underwear. Darren Browne, program director of C93 calls in and pukes into the phone to the point that Phil says it sounds like he's morphing into "another species." Then we play a commercial for the latest film from Oliver Stone, "Farm" about Mr. Stones belief that millions of Arabs and Arab-Americans are being held incognito by George Bush and his war stooges on dairy farms across America that have been turned into concentration camps and gulags but by day still sell yogurt and margarine.


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