Wednesday, February 12, 2003 Hour 1: Vernon Dozier is a service station attendent who says the price of gas is high because people are slobs in the bathroom and it costs lots of money to clean it all up. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Tony Neill is proposing a new TV show called Will You Be My Mommy, where orphans make undignified appeals to childless couples.

Tuesday, February 11, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: RC Collins is a cadet who says there should be an Iraq War memorial which replaces the Vietnam Memorial so that we can scrub out a national embarrassment with a victorious tribute. Harvey Wireman makes RC kiss the gunner's daughter, caning him, drilling through his nuts, using a sandblaster on his gonads, and so on. Hour 3: (FIRST HALF) Starting the bit, Chris Norton wrote a book called Maybe Its Normal, which suggests all the sex with minors is normal. But David G Hall quickly breaks in and kills this bit. He says when your show is sucking this hard, he's gonna step in. (SECOND HALF) Phil rants about acceptable levels of terrorism.

Monday, February 10, 2003 Hour 1: Austin Amarka is a mechanic who was stung in a television consumer advocate segment, and says that he was correct in overcharging for a fan belt because it's Buyer Beware. Hour 2: Bob Green is an employer who asks probing questions when employees ask for a raise, and he'll decide how honest they are before agreeing to do so. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Friday, February 7, 2003 Hour 1: Dean Wheeler says that Michael Jackson has shown us all the light, and that everyone should feel free to associate with children however they like. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Don Parsley is a homeowner who almost got killed by debris falling into his yard from the Space Shuttle Columbia, and is calling on all victims like him to demand compensation plus status as one of the crew.

Thursday, February 6, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Jeff Dowder says the Space Shuttle Columbia crew detonated the shuttle themselves because it was undershooting the runway and might cause damage on the ground. Hour 3: Chris Norton is a film producer doing a production on Michael Jackson, and says that because blacks have had it tougher, we need to not punish them for transgressions.

Wednesday, February 5, 2003 Hour 1: Larry Grover smacked his wife when she was trying to initiate sex while he listened to Colin Powell's comments to the UN on television. He says there are important events going on in the world, and it's the men that have to do the dirty work when there's a war on. "She called the cops on ME?" Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Tuesday, February 4, 2003 Hour 1: Ted Bell wants the Federal government to reimburse his restaurant for business losses caused by people staying home and watching the news after the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Bobbie Dooley was inspired to teach a sex seminar for teenagers, and was inspired by the explosion of the Space Shuttle Columbia over Texas.

Monday, February 3, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Dean Wheeler and his male roommate are not gay, but they are nude all the time, and they've gotten into hot water after appearing at the door naked in front of girls selling Girl Scout cookies. Hour 3: Margaret Gray says that lingerie is whorewear, and that women who get this stuff on Valentine's Day should not be pressured into having sex and should call a rape hotline.

Wednesday, January 29, 2003 Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Bob McGraw is planning to host the first Iraq tours after the war, and says he's trademarked the idea and you have to go through him. Hour 3: Chris Norton runs a hotline for teens and teaches teenage boys how to get the upper hand on women so they feel like they're in control.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003 Hour 1: Art Griego and his wife believe kids should watch porn under supervision, so he runs a safe house where they can do this. Hour 2: (FIRST HALF) Larry Grover says that when men cheat on their wives, their wives won't shut up about it and it makes the husband homicidal. He cheated on his wife with a hooker in Ensenada, Mexico and spread gonorrhea. (SECOND HALF) Joe Dickhead & The Professor. Characters call in with stories about peeing while sleepwalking, changes subject, David G Hall says 'get back to the peeing stories'! Hour 3: VARIETY.