Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: RC Collins says young men will not tolerate being struck by a woman, and if this happens they should give a good-old fashioned slap to the face or push them out of a moving car. This is in the wake of Tawny Kitaen being charged with striking husband Cleveland Indian pitcher Chuck Finley. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Chris Norton of Crubiton Escort Services runs a gigalo service but doesn't offer sex to women over 40 because they're all dried up.

Hour 1: RERUN of 2002-03-19 hour three BGR. Helping bereaved fathers. Hour 2: RERUN of 2002-03-05 hour three JSA. Patrolling Little League games. Hour 3: RERUN of 2002-03-04 hour one BRI. Diet Solutions.

Hour 1: RERUN of 2002-03-21 hour two FMQ. Priest self-confession. Hour 2: RERUN of 2002-03-20 hour three AGR. Hitting foul balls at hecklers. Hour 3: RERUN of 2002-02-06 hour two TBE. Converting a lesbian employee.

Hour 1: Raj Fahneen is offering $50K to the children of minorities to be Palestinian suicide bombers. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Margaret Gray is cautioning female reporters headed for the Middle East about the temptations of Arab men [DJB].

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: Brass Villanueva micromanages his restaurant's salad bar -- if you don't finish your salad you won't get your entree. Hour 3: Vernon Dozier stresses the importance of our willingness to be probed so that we can receive help from aliens, and is taking students out into a rural area to expose their orifices as willing recipients. His ringtone keeps playing Beethoven's "Fur Elise". Phil closes talking about a Britney Spears mob problem at a radio station, talks to a snow groomer, and remembers skiing.

Hour 1: Ted Bell is upset over getting a Mercedes loaner while his Jag was being repaired. He let his kid drive the car while he hid in the back seat and she ran over someone. Hour 2: Steve Bosell is suing because Roy Hutchins had a barbecue on Good Friday. Steve made a crown of thorns & crucified a doll. Hour 3: VARIETY.

Hour 1: Bob Green discusses the benefits of having a huge penis. In fact, one date he ended up pressing rape charges. Phil closes telling a story about Maria's dad, who looks like Ronald Reagan. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Vernon Dozier as a child was deprived of the nipple, so now he goes around exposing the breasts of women who bottle-feeding children and shames them, saying they have two perfectly good breasts. He also asks lactating women for a drink of milk. "Maaan, I sure could use a lactating..." (15m).

Hour 1: VARIETY. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Colleen Kristen Brewster is promoting a cruise and oh yeah, Sandy Ellis stank bad because she forgot to remove her tampon [DJB].

Hour 1: Bob McGraw proposes a Playboy pictorial of the widows of 9-11 and says proceeds can go to 'children that have been beaten'. The book is called "Twin Towers Went Down, Your Tower Is Going Up". Hour 2: Jay Santos is patrolling outside stores to make sure parents are buying their kids Easter candy, not expensive Easter gifts. Jay says commercializing Easter puts pressure on poor families. Hour 3: VARIETY.