Hour 1: FIRST HALF. Don Carsey wants his neighbors to pay $2000 to keep a 24-hour emergency room open near his neighborhood in Malibu, which Don needs. A Milk Bottle and a Liver. SECOND HALF. Phil plugs Friday's webcast, battling LA traffic is tiring, remembers moving cheaply to Atlanta where a family was moving in a hotel and the husband was beating his wife. Phil takes calls. Hour 2: Dean Wheeler thinks that beating servants is normal for the Saudi culture and upper-class households in America. He had a wonderful sexual experience with an older Saudi princess. Phil closes ranting about how the US overlooks Middle East diplomatic license plates. Hour 3: FIRST THIRD. Dave Oliva comments on Pamela Anderson's custody battle. He says a nude model shouldn't be a mom. LAST TWO THIRDS. Flashback to Bobbie Dooley 2001-12-18b. Phil talks about a sexy Jehovah's Witness at the auto service waiting room. Phil on stupid media names.

Hour 1: Bob Green discusses his pamphlet "Tell Her They’re Diamonds, Just In Time For Christmas". Phil closes talking about womens' keen eye for diamonds. Maria chastised Phil after she dreamed Phil screwed Helen Hunt. The kids want Grand Theft Auto. Hour 2: Bobbie finds that she is related to Amelia Earhart, so they shouldn’t be searched at the airport. Phil closes talking about Joe Dickhead, his website archives, says they're off next week, football stadium funding. Hour 3: It’s the Jumpin’ Jovial Johnny Java Show. Johnny talks with Osama. Phil talks about LSD, Taliban fashions, the Wizard of Oz & the Sammi people of Finland. Chef Carl Chodillia shares some Christmas recipes.

Hour 1: Margaret discusses the rioting of the Cleveland Brown fans. Phil closes talking about the football controversy. Hour 2: SPECIAL. Best of The Year 2001. A showcase of who Phil considered the best guests of 2001. Hour 1. Hour 3: SPECIAL. Best of The Year 2001. A showcase of who Phil considered the best guests of 2001. Hour 2.

Hour 1: Lloyd Bonafide says SUV drivers and soccer whores are treasonous for consuming Middle East oil, so Lloyd is siphoning gas. A kid rode by on a bike and said "suck it old man!" Phil closes talking about building the website archive, argues with Bud about Nostradamus. Hour 2: RC Collins says that kids want guns for Christmas, and if more kids had guns Columbine wouldn’t have happened. Phil closes talking about how Iwo Jima would compare to now, discusses war perceptions, talks to callers. Hour 3: Joe Dickhead and the Professor with NFL Picks. Phil describes how a drunken Craig Taylor acts at parties, then talks about Lee Hacksaw Hamilton of KFMB. Callers are surprised the show is fake. Phil talks about the Lord of the Rings movie.

Hour 1: FIRST HALF. Santa Of The Week. Vernon has a unique way with kids that come to sit on Santa’s lap. SECOND HALF. Phil talks about upcoming webcast, video games, raids on Middle Eastern immigrants, Jews. Hour 2: Phil takes calls, hangs up on lady who asks where his studio is, college football. Phil talks about juvenile delinquents and homeowners, takes calls. Phil talks about women's asses and their self perceptions and says we'd better not put too much stock into bin Laden. Hour 3: Bob McGraw has a controversial attraction at his Christmas tree lot. He allows men to go on a stage and simulate sodomizing an Osama bin Laden blowup doll. Phil closes talking about the webcast, hard liquor commercials.

Hour 1: Bobbie & Steve believe US Taliban John Walker is dangerous to women because he is sexually alluring. Phil closes announcing the Dec 21 live webcast. Phil says he'd like to be out in the Middle East hunting down the bad guys. Hour 2: Steve is suing his pregnant wife after he had cybersex with his neighbor, not knowing he was a man. Phil closes talking about cybersex, a blind date years ago with an obese woman, talks about hitchhiking at age 16 in LA. Hour 3: Phil talks about how they do the show and takes calls. Phil rants about Al Jazeera, Egyptian journalists. Talks about moving on with ones life after tragedy, takes calls. Flashback of Pastor Rennick's ejecting baby Jesus.

Hour 1: Don Carsey (Don Parsley) comes on and discusses his book “Where The Christmas Tree Would Have Been” about the 9/11 Pentagon attack. He's asking for donations so his wife can get good treatment at a beach in Tahiti, and is selling pieces of Pentagon rubble. Phil closes promoting the BSP. Hour 2: Pastor Rennick will be having a modernized Christmas pageant with Jesus being blown out of a manger by the Three Wise Men. Whoever catches the Jesus doll after it's blown up wins the door prize. Phil closes explaining he couldn't do the last bit if he was making fun of Muslims. Hour 3: Jay Santos and the Citizens Auxiliary Police are crashing Christmas parties to stop the harassment of employers by employees. Employees don't even know what the second fork is for at the table. Phil closes promoting the webcast, talks about Dance Dance Revolution and the cost, asks callers.

Hour 1: FIRST HALF. Phil talks about an upcoming webcast. He continues with some info on what he did over the weekend. SECOND HALF. Doug Dannger talks about his prediction that Oceans 11 would destroy Harry Potter at the box office. Hour 2: FIRST HALF. Robert Green talks about his company that promotes good relationships between employees and employers. He advises employees to “not dance like retards” at a company Christmas party. SECOND HALF. Phil promotes the BSP, Jerry Falwell, Jimmy The Greek, racism. Flashback of 2001-12-07a MGR. Hour 3: FIRST HALF. Dave Oliva starts off by sharing his opinion that the U.S. should bow out of the Olympics. “Every four years we're Norway's bitch.” Just leave the winter Olympics behind because it's bad for our image. SECOND HALF. Phil talks about apartheid and the Olympics, Zola Budd and Mary Decker in 1984, overfashioned weekend motorcycle riders. Phil takes calls.

Hour 1: Margaret Gray says Ben Affleck should be honored with a burial at Arlington Cemetery. Nobody would have ever heard of Pearl Harbor if not for the movie Ben just starred in. Phil closes promoting the upcoming webcast. Hour 2: Phil Hendrie with “Phil Hendrie’s Christmas Wish List.” He desperately wants listeners to help. Joe Dickhead & The Professor join the program with “NFL PICKS.” Phil discusses Jackie Gleason. Hour 3: FIRST TWO THIRDS. Dr. Jim Sadler joins the show to talk about how cats are not as evolved as dogs: “when's the last time you saw a guy walk a cat?” LAST THIRD. Phil talks about a mean family cat. Flashback of a Roland Schwinn bit offering a unruly school.

Hour 1: Dean Wheeler created “Jesus Dinner” and wants a grant from NEA to help fund his exhibit. He's an artist but puts Jesus in a microwave. Phil closes discussing going to see Erin Brockovich. Hour 2: Jeff Dowder says Taliban defector John Walker was brutally raised in a rich family and had to deal with a lot of crap growing up that way. Phil closes talking about how reporters deal with the family of a fallen war correspondent. Hour 3: Flashback of 2001-12-05b BDO. Art Bell and RC Collins play "Number that Movie".