Clara Bingham plays cow sound effects, laugh tracks and other insulting noises when overweight children come on campus in order to get them to cry to their parents about it. It’s then that Clara can confront these parents who, with every plate of flapjacks they serve, say “I Hate You” to their children.
Steve Bosell is suing Las Vegas. He says he has gone there with the sole intention of going to his hotel room, taking a shower, putting on a nice cardigan sweater and a pair of Dockers and going down stairs to the tables to play black jack and drink ice water. But no sooner does he get off the plane then the doorman at the hotel is “sending messages telepathically” telling him to go to Olympic Gardens where Steve proceeds to get drunk and drop 1500 bucks on lap dances.
Chris Norton introduces his new service “Dream Date.” If you are a high school girl who ordinarily doesn’t get invited to proms, he’ll be your date complete with limo, dinner and, as you exit the limo for the prom, smoke “like you’re walking out of hell.” Chris prices on a sliding scale. The more “challenging” the date, the more expensive. How much to date Terri Schiavo? According to Chris, “four figures.”