Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Hour 1: Jay Santos is on patrol to shut down fundraising carwashes because the scantily clad teens look like they’re soliciting.
Hour 2: Dr. Jack Briscoe hosts the plastic-surgery talk show, “Sew Me Up So Tight I’m Talking Through a Hole in My Face.” Michael Jackson’s visage is held up as a shining example of the much sought-after “pre cave-in” aesthetic. Then, a flashback with coach Vernon Dozier, who is upset that the Olympic sport of beach volleyball is making people who can’t tan feel bad.
Hour 3: Phil and Blake Dunst are outside in front of the studio for a demonstration of Mr. Dunst’s revolutionary new weighing system. They ask passersby to sit down in a leather chair and Dunst claims he can correctly guess their weight by listening to the squeaks and groans of the leather under their asses. (Spoiler alert: he can’t.)