Hour One:Ted Williams’s cryogenically frozen head comes on to talk about being offered the anchor job at CBS. Ted’s Head gets angry when Phil asks him how he was holding the phone if he’s just a head (apparently a lab technician propped it up with a coffee cup and a book). The Head hangs up when he mentions he had an agent and Bud asks if it was “the head agent.” Then, a pretty decent flashback which features Margaret being afraid of a developmentally disabled man sitting in coach on a plane flight who was staring at her and sticking bologna on a window. Lloyd Bonifide calls in from an emergency room where he is being treated for inhaling too much bug spray he was putting on his trees at home to say that no chimp in a zoo could ever kick his a-s-s. Then, David Hall busts Phil’s chops for saying he was going to buy a hybrid and then following through. We end the hour with Bob Riesling from the San Diego Zoo saying that the chimp attack in Bakersfield was not unprecedented. He mentions that back in 1931 a giant ape from the South Pacific got loose in New York and climbed the Empire State Building.
Hour Two: Ted Bell from Ted’s of Beverly Hills hits the air all excited about his new promotion: “Ladies Night.” This ladies night though has a twist. He tells the ladies at the door that he is used to having Leonardo Dicaprio and other young male celebrities coming into his bar so if “you aren’t the kind of woman who would be acceptable” to them they “counsel you to go back to your car and split.” When a woman who is retired military calls in to scream at Ted, he tells her “I’m sure Leonardo DiCaprio wants you sitting next to him breaking his balls.”
Hour Three: Justin McElroy, high school junior from Canyon High School, is on the show to say he and his friends want the freedom to say the “F” word and the “MF” word and others without adults telling them they can’t. When people call to ask why, he tells them its the least the adult world can do after feeding kids Ritalin and “sticking their fingers in our butts.”