"Best Of" on the Radio!

Tonight Vernon Dozier, high school football coach, gave Phil and his listeners an earful about whether ambulances should be allowed on a newly installed, expensive, good-drainage football field worth, stadium included, $300,000. Yes there's a kid with a concussion but... Then find out what Jay Santos proposes when it comes to "pat-downs" at airports. How is it Jay is able to conduct a pat-down, where women have their pants "half-way down their hips" and not have one complaint? Listen...

Tonight we brought on the show Professor Emory Clayton of LA Canyon College to explain the Four Lokko controversy. This alcohol/caffeine drink has swept American campuses with some tragic results. Students have been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning due to the highly caffeinated drink delaying the effect of alcohol intoxication. One young man shot himself after a night of drinking Four Lokko. Professor Clayton tells Phil and his listeners that its clear the government needs to step in "and step on these entrepreneurial exercises that target our young people without regard to health or safety." He went on to descibe his experimentation with Four Lokko. "I drank a couple before a teacher/student conference with a young lady not feeling I'd be in danger since my students drink them and know the effects. Well I became intoxicated to the point of feeling God-like, as if I had power over all living things on earth." When told he shouldn't have been drinking before the conference, Professor Clayton said "I usually drink a Johnny Walker Blue with a water back before all my conferences so this shouldn't have been any big deal."

First out of the gate tonight was Steve Bosell from Corona, California whose errant golf shot into a tract of homes caused friend Roy Hutchins to exclaim "Those poor, innocent people!" This remark, plus Mr. Hutchins subsequent mimicking of a little girl getting hit with a golf ball, messed with Mr. Bosell's mind. He blew the rest of the golf game and lost $500. After the match, he got drunk in the clubhouse and upon returning home, after being asked by his son how his game went, smacked his son. Bosell claimed the kid asked him the question "with a wink and a smile." Following that hour of joy we had Justin McElroy on. The high school junior wants to complete a Mass Media assignment by filming a riot at Walmart on Black Friday "because that's how Geraldo Rivera got his start although I'm not Puerto Rican." They had videoed so-called bum-fights until the school threatened them with suspension. Now, Justin and his pals plan on provokling the Walmart riot by pushing against people and putting up signs that say "crazy, dirty deals on Blu Ray players, $30! Plus they got plenty of that good, cheap Chinese stuff."

Middle school teacher Clara Bingham told Phil she is attempting to get a Harrry Potter display taken down in the schools library. "Its and issue of the sepersation of church and state" since the Harry Potter movies teach "black magic." And of course with the issue of school bullying, that's all we need. Some bullies with a knowledge of black magic bothering kids. Clara did however think black magic was involved when she saw this "pudgy white girl with braces having her books carried for her by a beautiful caucasian-Trinidad boy." Bob Green of Frazier Foods admits to Phil his stores were collection points for the US Navy Veterans Association, a charity scam that the Ohio attorney general alleges bilked "100 million dollars" out of the American people over the last 10 years. Bob says he is disgusted but holds "about 200,000 dollars in an account collected for this group." Bob tells Phil he's decided to use that money to buy product from his store to create gift baskets for Vets that people can purchase.  When Phil points out that Bob is buying from himself with money he got for free, Bob responds with "That's a lot of clever talk."

Tonight, Doug Dannger from the Orange County Courier reported to Phil that "according to my sources, Daniel Radcliffe, star of the Harry Potter movies, has been so disgusted with the whole 10 year experience, he exposed himself to the crowd at last nights premiere of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" As Doug told it using a badly edited piece of tape, Radcliffe told the crowd he was sick of them, said "shake hands with this," exposed himself and went into the theater. Margaret Grey, nationally syndicated columnist, joined Phil in his second hour to talk about humans and their relationship with dogs. Margaret is a big "Dog Whisperer" fan and told Phil's audience the Dog Whisperer says that letting a dog walk in front means you are allowing the dog to think it's the pack leader and you're "degrading the human race almost back to the jungle. For many of your callers Phil, the 'Dog Whisperer' is Michael Vick. Have a very pleasant and restful morning" Click.

Our first guest this evening was Ray Burger from the Gay Power Trip bus tour currently making it's way across the coutry. Ray explained that the purpose of the bus trip was to explain the "gay lifestyle" to middle schoolers (part of the presentation was the 'gay kiss" episode of "Glee") and to recruit as many as they could to "enhance their political power." When told by a caller that being gay was no more a choice that being a Native-American Ray countered that "that guy from 'Dances With Wolves' was an honorary Indian!" Following Ray was the esteemed Professor Don Micksa from the University of Washinton. Micksa was condemning a recent rash of student cheating at the University of Central Florida and was unhappy about the same thing happening in his class. The only problem was the cheating students in his class were turned in by 'this Tea Partier who wears a three-cornered hat and puts up flyers around campus advertising Bush and his new book." Micksa called the student an outsider and said he was messing with Micksa's "tribe." When it comes to turning in cheating students "I'll do it thank you very much, not some rat punk messing with my people."

Tonight our good friend Dean Wheeler from the Northern California Holistic Center talked about the George Bush book tour and how it is "subverting" President Obama and allows Bush to "gleefully recall waterboarding people." Dean said ordinarily he is opposed to book burnings but in this one case he'd be in favor. When asked what he thought about a video allegedly showing Obama bowing to the Saudi King, Dean said Obama was showing the King how short he actually could be and that there was nothing to fear or "he was checking to see if a shoe-lace was tied." Next up Bobby and Steve Dooley looked at an Italian study showing men who have regular and healthy sex live longer. Bobbie said that if it meant "our men can live longer than I am willing to provide that to them since they are always hitting on me anyway." At the end of the bit Steve Dooley sounded as if he shouted "Mr Hendrie, help me" into the phone but when Phil asked Bobbie about it, all she'd say was that Steve wanted Phil to bring over some toilet paper if he was coming by after the show.

Tonight, freelance writer Gerald Fishcher discussed with Phil Joe Jackson's admission that he beat his son Michael Jackson, the great singer/entertainer. Gerald said that frankly with a kid like that twirling down the street and moonwalking Joe had no choice but to beat the kid so he would tone it down a bit.... And then we had Vernon Dozier who isn't buying the story of Aron Ralston, a rock climber who's arm was stuck between two heavy boulders in a Utah canyon in 2003 and who was eventually forced to amputate the arm to get free. Vernon said the pain would have been too much for Ralston. Mr. Dozier said that during an off-road race in New Guinea, 1982, he got a staph infection in one of his fingers. He attempted to amputate it but "screamed like a woman" after the first couple of cutting motions.

Tonight, the insanity of Robert Green, CEO from Frazier Foods bubbled over and set the stove on fire as he seriously proposed allowing people to sell children. A woman in Florida was arrested for attempting to sell her 12 week old grandchild for $75,000. "And the Florida undercover cop she was negotiating with got her down to $30,000....and then arrested her!" Bob feels that if the "fat cat adoption agencies can make more money than US Steel then the average person outta be able to go out and sell a kid." Next up it was Vernon Dozier who, despite having had his heart broken by a lesbian in college, was on Phil's show tonight to talk about the guts of Rachel Maddow sticking up for Keith Olbermann after he got suspended from MSNBC for making a political contribution in violation of company policy. "I want to talk about these lesbians that have had the guts to go out and make this world a better place even if it makes my students uncomfortable." Vernon figures he had it all wrong all these years and now he wants to share openly with his students about homosexuality.