Bobbie Dooley kicked off the show tonight. She recently had her nails done and asked her maid to wipe her ass after crapping because she didn't want to ruin them. The maid refused, so Bobbie fired her. Now the maid is suing. Clara Bingham joined us in the second hour to discuss the possibility of Jesse Jackson going over to China to retrieve our boys. Clara thinks that if he's going to make the trip then he deserves an apology for everyone dissing him for that illegitimate child. Phil closed the second hour with a rant about the cops who shot an unarmed kid in Cincinnati, and a hypothetical boxing match: Jesus Christ vs Bruce Springsteen. Ted Bell was on in the third hour to challenge Tiger Woods to a one million dollar match. Ted thinks that he could smoke Tiger using his 25 handicap. Phil wrapped up the show by playing all the cuts from The Beatles' "1" album, but due to budgetary constraints could only play a half second of each track.

Vernon Dozier started the show tonight commenting on the PG&E power crisis. PG&E gave bonuses before going bankrupt. That's ok, because they deserve bonuses for doing a good job with the rolling blackouts. Phil closed the first hour with a rant about Santa Anita and jai alai. Margaret Grey was on in the second hour to forecast taht Tiger Woods will die in a plane crash, because he's gotten "big" so fast. Then Dave Oliva joined us to discuss the population explosion that occurred in the '90s. Dave thinks that we need to control it and can do that by encouraging the elderly to just die already. He suggests that we load them all onto a cruise and just torpedo it. Phil wrapped up the show with a rant about an ex-girlfriend who kneed a guy in the nuts once, how kids want expensive cars nowadays, and Irish drinking songs.

Brad Riffkin started the show. He's the TV guy who pitched the idea to have six people hunt down Tim McVeigh in the streets and get into a shootout with him. This was Tim's last wish. The second hour started with Larry Grover, who was on the show to address kids in the audience. Larry wants them to report parents and teachers as communists if they have lbieral leanings. Phil closed the second hour with a rant about The Sopranos being sued by Italian Americans. Why don't they sue the right people: the mafia. Why not? They don't have any balls. Brass Villenheuva opened the third hour to say that guys like "Jackass" and Tom Greene get on TV by doing nothing. Brass thinks that he has no talent, so he should get on TV as well, but because he didn't then it must be due to racism. Phil wrapped up the show with a rant about growing up in the "anti-communist era."

Bob Greene, postal consultant, kicked off thes how. He says that the public doesn't support the Post Office and bitches and complains about stamp prices, etc. It's the publc's fault prices might go up and Saturday delivery may be cut. Rolland Schwinn began the second hour. He thinks that because China is an ancient culture, they deserve an apology. Bush should grovel. Austin Amarca closed the second hour to discuss the recent news that baseball salary averages top two million dollars per player. Fans should boycott the league. Austin would join the boycott, but his son is a top prospect and he needs him to get the big bucks. Phil wrapped up the show by taking calls from the listeners. He also played the "All You Can Eat Negro" from the "Best of '97" CD.

David G. Hall joined the show in the first hour to argue with Phil about what is wrong with the show. Other characters call in to do the same. Phil then goes on a rant about Melissa quitting the show. Phil continues his rant touching on topics such as weight loss, Disney's ESPN Zone, airline travel, and gated communities. Jeff Dowder kicked off the second hour to represent "Students For Change". They are protesting all Chinese restaurants, Chinese chicken salads, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, etc., to force China to send back our servicemen. Margaret Grey wrapped up the show to discuss Jodie Foster's recent pregnancy. She thinks that single moms are better than traditional two parent homes. The virgin Mary is the earliest example of this.

Ted Bell started the show to discuss Ted's of Beverly Hills. He says that their cattle is driven hard and scared to near death rather than being stunned because the adrenaline makes for tastier beef. The second hour began with Vernon Dozier, who thinks that Bush is showing no balls with China. The Chinese simply don't respect him. Vernon thinks that Bush should grow a mustache to gain their favor. Phil closed the second hour with a rant about Bush, the recent Navy crash, and Streisand's right to talk. Dean Wheeler wrapped up the show to represent "Americans With Allergies Alliance." These are Americans who are allergic to everything. He thinks that people should have to stop wearing perfume, denim, deordorizing soaps, etc.

Bobbie Dooley kicked off the show to discuss her church's unusual practices. They do animal sacrifices and symbolic virgin offerings. She believes that Mary is God. Lloyd Bonifide was on the show in the second hour. He thinks that the Navy pilot should have ditched the plane rather than land in red China. "My son, the dumbass, threw himself on a grenade in Vietnam." Art Griego wrapped up the show to discuss people who complain about air travel. He thinks they should shut the hell up or walk to their destination.

Brad Riffkin, author of "Falling Out of Favor: The Patsy Ramsey Story", joined us in the first hour. He thinks Patsy killed Jon Benet to re-gain favor with her book club. The second hour featured Austin Amarca. He thinks that Tim McVeigh was just playing a practical joke. In Saudi Aradia they used to throw flaming camel dung bombs. This was something like that... Chris Norton started the third hour to discuss his "sessy" phone sales technique. He makes women feel at ease and relax by saying things like, "How ya doin?" "Are you married?" Phil then went into a rant about the chick artist who stole the Chris Norton "No Bush Day" idea, and has women mail pubic hair to her. Bob Bakian wrapped things up with reports of spontaneous celebrations that Rosie O Donnel is definitely ending her show in 2002.

Dr. Jim Sadler kicked off the show to discuss Suzanne Sommers recent announcement that she has breast cancer. He thinks that it's good for her career. She can use it to get her face back out there. The second hour featured sports agent, Bob Green. He was on to discuss the exotic sexual tastes of proessional athletes.

Dave Oliva joined us in the first hour to discuss the abuse of power charges with the LAPD. He thinks they are bogus. It's just cops blowing off steam, having a few laughs. The LAPD have such a tough job it's hard to fault them for this. The second hour featured Rudy Canoza to discuss a recent report that says teens and women are smoking more. Rudy encourages it for teen girls because it will make them look cool and be more popular, which raises self-esteem. Bobbie Dooley wrapped up the show to discuss the recent documentary that shows Jesus as black. She thinks it couldn't be timed worse. It's Easter. Bobbie called an emergency meeting of the Western Estates Homeowners Association to discuss the possible reprecussions. She says that she's fine with it, but others might have a problem.