.......swam a couple of laps at this club I belong too. Anyway, in the gym, who do I run into? You got it, Chris Norton. He let his hair grow into this mid-neck Dutch boy number. He was wearing this wife-beater with baggies. He had some guns on him although I remarked I could still beat his ass.. He quipped "Ya, okay ol' man, you beat azz, I tass it." I said, "I think I know what you mean by 'azz' but I don't know what 'tass' is." He goes, "Tass, you know, tass it?" I finally got a clue. "You mean 'tax' it?" He says "Thas' what I said, tass it. Don't you hear too good?" I'm like "Norton, you're one speech-impediment mother fucker, you know that." He didn't hear me though. He'd gotten up and gone over to the juice bar were the new female trainer was standing. Later, I saw Chris' 5-speed, silver Camaro peel out with her sitting shotgun.

Our show tonight featured a tribute to John Wooden, the late basketball coach of UCLA, sort of. Ted Bell sponsored the first hour and a half and was put off by all the praise pouring in for Mr. Wooden. "I invented the foil wrapped potato and yet people have more respect for a guy who taught 20 year old men how to put on socks." Chris Norton, telemarketerm adult film actor, aspiring porn producer and blogger joined the show to explain how it is Rush Limbaugh is marrying a woman who is "sort of hot" in Chris' words. "It mus' be abuse 'cause she woulda marrried a better looking guy with more sessual energy." When asked why Heidi Klum was with Seal, Chris said it was because Seal got scarred, in a rite of passage to manhood, "giving a beat down to a chimp in the high weeds outside his village."

Network Best Of on Radio artwork by amanda green Classic Shows on the Web (see below) Thursday Feb 10, 2000 -"Valentines For Single Men" Rudy Canosa joins the program to give advice to single men who want to enjoy Valentines Day without being in a long-term relationship. Rudy says picking up on married women and then dumping them is a good way to enjoy the weekend Thursday, May 18, 2000--"Glock In My Bitches Ribs" Lloyd Bonifide discusses the NRA and explains why we have the Million Mom March to thank for the recent surge in membership. May 31, 2000--Chris Norton joins the program, he runs a website called Sessuality.com featuring photos of him that will remind older women how great it is to be with a younger guy. Tuesday, August 30, 2005--Father James McQuarters is on to tell Phil that he allows kids to use foul language on campus until Hurricane Katrina blows over. Listeners believe that Father James lacks respect because he does not demand it or conduct himself in a proper way. Phil plays a flashback of Bob Greene...The 30 Minute Delivery Service.  Tuesday July 5, 2005--Art Griego is a retired commercial pilot who believes local baseball diamonds should be turned into private aviation strips where kids can learn how to fly. He says hits far less likely a plane from the strip will crash into your house than a foul ball "will come sailing through your kitchen window and while you turn to get more Gerber's it takes your kids head clean off."

Steve Bosell fears that published images of the oil slick in the Guulf will create a fear of some blob-type organism ready to make land. Steve was also scared into running to his bedroom and burying his head in a pillow when his daughter showed him a tar ball she found at the beach. David G. Hall and young Chris Norton visited Phil with David G. telling Phil Chris' story is inspiring and could attract a more Christian listener to Phil's show. Chris tells Phil he got his girlfriend pregnant but because his parents are religious...and will bank roll his adult film production house....he doesn't want her to get an abortion. Instead, he wants Phils listenjers to pray to God that his girlfriend miscarries. Phil tells David and Chris the whole thing sounds like a stunt to get business at the adult film production house because david probably has a piece of it...