Why not Batman? Tonight Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police talks about safety this summer and how not giving Jay the dates you'll be on vacation could mean your home gets broken into by "Burglar," a new singular denotation of criminals that ilegally gain entry to private residences. Don Berman talked with Phil about Antoinette Huff, the brave woman that got a hostage-taker to give himself up in Georgia. Don said that he was involved in something very similar. Only problem is he, Don, was the kidnapper as well as "the victim." Warren Benman, an unfortunate man that fell from a broadcast tower years ago while cleaning the light bulbs, called the show to tell Phil and the crew that he was there the day Don took hostages and was "pistiol-whipped" by Don. Turned out it was a squirt gun but Don was holding a roll of nickels. Doug Dannger thinks they need to cast a real psycho case as Batman because, after all, Bruce Wayne was a solid nut-job. Dannger recommends Tom Sizemore, Owen Wilson or Haley Joel Osmont because  "precocious child actors grow up to be real short with big teeth." Whatever

Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police is shocked to hear his son say he's afraid of Santa Claus because he looks like Osama Bin Laden. That's all Jay needs to hear. He goes on full alert. From December 2001.   Click here to listen now!

                                              Can't play Pipeline forever The show started with another discussion of the "white middle class males listeners" Phil has who are turned off by hip-hop. Phil said that you can't sit around your garage playing "Pipeline" forever. Margaret spotted the same woman she saw yesterday morning on The Word network who seemed to have "overly developed lower jaw muscles." Speculation then veered, offensively so, into whether any of the women on screen "gobbed" or "coned." The show's panel had Cliff King, horse trainer, back on to recap the Triple Crown and it turned into a cluster fuck as Cliff exhibited signs of serious dementia on the one hand and indications he was just goofing everyone with his "I'll break a metal pole over my head and I'm 77 years old" act. Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police talked about water safety this summer, especially in the ocean. The oceans power, says Jay, can "humiliate, exploit and manipulate a person. It can almost drown you and then toss you onto the shore like you're nothing, with your pants pulled down and your butt in the breeze."

Moist and tender Tonight Dave Oliva and Jay Santos butcher up a report on the Thanksgiving traffic with Jay running up and down the shoulder of the freeway on his Harley stopping at his "checkpoints."  Ted Bell and Bill Bruford of Bruford's Turkey Farm argued over how each was going to roll out his commercial. Meanwhile David G. Hall liked the idea of the men combining their messages since Ted's is "We want to put our meat in your mouth" and Bill's is "Our turkey's are moist, tender and willing."