Hour One:Some kid calls Phil to say he thinks he has syphilis because his tongue hurts. It turns out the kid was making out with his girlfriend for about three hours over the weekend and the French-kissing got intense....David G. calls to tell Phil not to talk to much about "tongues" on account of the FCC......Phil blathers about fast lane jack balls going to slow....RC Collins calls to ask if the show is experiencing technical difficulties. It turns out he's cranking the show....A baboon runs through the studio carrying a brassiere...David G. calls and tells Phil to ignore it....Upon hearing about Russell Crowe got popped for throwing a phone at a hotel employee, Phil wonders whether the Australians can really hold their liquor like they say they can....Hour Two:Ted from Ted's of Beverly Hills runs over a bunch of ducks for laughs in his Mustang and makes his son cry in the process......Hour Three:Herb Sewell comes on to talk about Walter Bellhaven fighting the DA in Alameda County for the possession of four human skulls....Bud and Harvey read the e-mail because Phil is "indisposed".....Phil reads some more e-mail and then talks about going shopping for just himself....popcorn and steaks......Phil then talks about Tom Cruise and how all the rumor in the world won't ever make the guy come out of the closet....he's too smart.....

Hour 1: Lloyd Bonafide, a Korean war veteran and retired heating and plumbing man, reads aloud an e-mail he sent to the different media about the images of Terry Schiavo on TV and how they show the comatose woman "grinning like she just hit the lottery" Lloyd, naturally, thinks she's somehow grinning at him as if its funny being in a coma and watching Lloyd obsess over his sexual dysfunction problem. Then at the end of the hour Lloyd insists on singing "Hungry Heart" as part of his warm up before auditioning for "American Idol."Hour 2: RC Collins wants to go on a "road trip" to San Francisco with his fellow cadets from Bradley to see Nobu Uematsu, famed Final Fantasy composer" and he wants to take his mom's Lexus but she won't let him. RC laments that his friend Raul will have to drive them in Raul's Camaro but RC is reluctant to be seen in a "Beaner-mobile." He goes on to tell one of Phil's callers that when "I bring Bin Laden's head into your kitchen on the end of my bayonet and place it on your kitchen counter, you don't even have to say thank you. Just don't make me ride around in a Bean Wagon.".Hour 3: After visiting a Japanese Steak House, LLoyd becomes concerned with what he calls "the post stress syndrome" that may be visited upon returning combat veterans witnessing an Asian weilding knives and salt shakers "like he thinks he's something special." Lloyd calls for a shutting down of all teppan resturaunts "commensurate with the first of the year" before some vet pulls a Japanese chef "face down onto the grill"