Hour 1:"Y2k Preparedness" Jay Santos and the Citizens Auxiliary Police are giving away guns to poor people as a charity donation after his "Y2k Survival" store went out of business.Hour 2:"Blair Witch Project" Austin Amarka says he and his wife were tricked by the producers of "Blair Witch Project" into thinking it was a real documentary, Austin says this goes against journalistic ethics.Hour 3:Phil rants about people who are superstitious. Joe Dickhead & the Professor present: Heavyweight boxing, live from Las Vegas! Tonight's match: Lennox Lewis vs. the Virgin Mary! Darryl Webber's Funky Chicken Cacophony & Liquor Jamboree.

Hour 1:"ATM Safety" Jay Santos & the Citizens Police says the longer a person stands in line at an ATM machine, the bigger the target they become. That's why they're going out this weekend to assist moving people in and out of ATM's as quickly as possible.Hour 2:"Old People & Cartoons" Clara Bingham of Joyful Union Senior Center does not allow her residents to watch cartoons or animated festivals because she believes they're only gonna take them further away from reality.Hour 3:Joe Dickhead & the Professor's NFL Picks!! Phil talks about the fact that his wife is into football. Darryl Webber's Funky Chicken Cacophony & Liquor Jamboree, Jeff Dowder chimes in!

Hour 1:"Hedy Lamarr Tribute" Attorney Harvey Wireman joins the airwaves to discuss the life and times of actress Hedy Lamarr. RC Collins chimes in! Jay Santos from "Fallen Star Entertainment" joins the program, they perform theatrical reinactments of famous celHour 2:"Fallen Star Entertainment" (cont'd) Phil talks about his zero tolerance policy for affiliates that tape delay his show. Phil receives a call from an old lady from Anchorage Alaksa who attempts to crank the show.Hour 3:"The Art of Self Fulfillment" Dr.Jim Sadler says he stopped practicing yoga because it was a cult that practiced "self fellatio." Phil talks about going whale watching with his family.

Hour 1:Bud Dickman plays some "mood music" while Phil talks about his life and its many failures. Dr.Kralgor "I'm A Worthless Meatsack." Jay Santos wants to know if Phil Collins is dead. Dave Oliva proposes some radical ideas that will help keep latin kids in hiHour 2:Dave Oliva proposes some radical ideas that will help keep latin kids in high school. (cont'd) Mavis Leonard claims that she had a sexual relationship with former president Franklin D. Roosevelt and says that first lady Eleanor Roosevelt was a lesbian.Hour 3:"Latex Skin Barbie" Steve Bosell is suing a toy company for making a realistic Barbie doll, Steve claims the doll looked so good it turned him on.

Hour 1: "Payne Stewart Blackbox Tape" Art Griego joins the program to play the blackbox recording he obtained of the Payne Stewart plane crash... but only if he is properly compensated. Hour 2: "Crowd Control Techniques" Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police joins the program to discuss the best way to deal with the "crowd of mexicans" that has gathered in front of the home of Elián González' aunt. Hour 3: Bobbie Dooley discusses "Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?" winner Darva Conger getting an annulment. Bobbie thinks Darva is being disingenuous, believes she had sex with her husband and also didn't give him a chance - even though he had a restraining order against him from a previous relationship. Bobbie's point of view is that it's wrong to give up on marriage even during spousal abuse - after all, she stayed with Steve after being slapped around herself. Featured line: "You know something? Steve and I, when we were younger, we were a little crazy. He'd slap me around in parking lots, liquor lounges and places like that. Now this is before we had children, but we'd go in - I was a little inappropriate with some of the guys on the dance floor, he was a little drunk, uh, so he cuffed me around pretty good...I don't think it was okay, but there were two times when I deserved it, though. There were two times. Um, (whispers) I was dancing with a black man!" Show log by Mike Angileri

Hour 1:Phil takes calls from loyal listeners and asks "What are your favorite moments from the Phil Hendrie Show?" Jay Santos joins the program to introduce the new Citizens Auxiliary Police theme song.Hour 2:Bobbie Dooley of the Health & Fitness Committee of Western Estates joins the program to talk about friend Janice Ketcham. Bobbie was forced to slapped a Dove bar out of Janice's hand to save her from herself. Plus... Phil talks about crap German techno muHour 3:"Elián Videotape" Charlie LaFountain joins the program to comment Elián González' "brilliant but obviously coached performance" in a videotape recently issued by the family.

Hour 1:"Oklahoma City Boomtown" Margaret Grey joins the program on the 5th Anniversary of the Oklahoma Bombing, which she feels hasn't been memorialized in a way that properly befits the people of the city. Margaret wants to remount the beloved musical "OklahomaHour 2:"Grape Soda and Sunny D" On the eve of the anniversary of Columbine, Jay Santos joins the program on tactical alert for "copycats" in the area. The Citizens Auxiliary Police will be going to malt shops and drive-in theaters to talks to the kids in their oHour 3:"How Do You Know If Your Wife Is Dead?" Lloyd Bonifide calls to comment on the man from Detroit who shot two women because they "didn't understand his sense of humor." A caller from Venice gives Phil a heads up that tomorrow is "420"... RC Collins chimes