Harvey Weirman's Newsbreak got off to a shaky start. Then Ted Bell from Ted's of Beverly Hills is angry that someone dropped a note in the "Ted" suggestion box saying "monkeys have the mental capacity to cook." Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police fills everyone in on a new auxiliary force in "the worlds largest meth lab," Alaska. It's the Igloo Community Eskimo Patrol. And Gloria Grover witnesses an Ed Elcott accident with a penis pump.

Margaret Grey goes off on a variety of issues and grievances, finally assaulting the staff with gas, saying "it's the only weapon I have left to me." Meanwhile, Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police is in upstate New York "helping" with the search for two escaped convicts as Doug Dannger reports on it.

Don Berman from Channel 19 News is secretly taped on set calling his co-anchor, Leslie Accardi, "a cheap guinea" and he has to explain... Jay Santos is in upstate New York with the Citizens Auxiliary Police, and with nothing to do they're "playing grab ass and throwing Mountain Dew bottles at each other."