Hour 1: Jay Santos of the Citizen's Auxiliary Police wants to get all the beards off of the Santa Clauses because his son mistook Bin Laden for Santa. Phil closes promoting the Backstage Pass, talks about the profiling of Saudis in America. Hour 2: FIRST HALF. Phil attempts to explain the idea of the show to the audience. He takes some calls from regular callers. SECOND HALF. Steve Bosell did not let his wife use the bathroom while driving in a sketchy part of town. She did it in the car, so he's suing her. He claims he was saving two lives. Hour 3: FIRST HALF. Flashback of 2001-11-29b AAM (not Vernon Dozier as erroneously introduced) as store Santa. SECOND HALF. Phil talks about Taliban member John Walker Lindh. Roland Schwinn talks about him not wearing underwear because it is unhealthy. Phil cracks up a bit as Roland explains.

Hour 1: Doug Dangger told an annoying band to turn off their music so he and his friend could sip white wine. Doug thinks that because of 9/11, music is now irrelevant. Hour 2: VARIETY. Hour 3: Vernon Dozier says that the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is contributing to his premature sexual problems. When he tries to think of sports to avoid premature ejaculation he thinks of the Swimsuit Issue.

Hour 1: FIRST HALF. Vernon Dozier, high school football 'strategist', says US forces should use his expertise. SECOND HALF. "I'm an American" Hour 2: FIRST HALF. Lloyd Bonafide saw his wife come out of the shower with a towel on her head and a blowdryer and thought she was a terrorist. SECOND HALF. Phil talks about the Taliban and identification laws. Hour 3: FIRST HALF. Bud Dickman's NFL picks. Phil talks about the FCC crackdown on radio obscenity. SECOND HALF. Bud Dickman's Top Ten while wearing a gas mask.

Hour 1: Bobbie Dooley wants to put human clones to work in farm fields, since it will relieve immigration problems. She says clones have no souls and are not human. Phil closes talks about hanging out with his buddies, pro football practice. Hour 2: Phil suggests we can stop the drug war by not using drugs. Phil takes requests, comments, and opinions. Plays Margaret Gray and other bits. Hour 3: Vernon Dozier, Belmar high school coach, would go gay for a night if he could be like his predecessor, Coach Nyerson, who had 100 kids die from heat exhaustion in 21 seasons. Phil closes talking about being a USC fan.

Hour 1: Steve Bosell was at the restroom at Outback Steakhouse and a guy walked in on him and said 'who died in here'. Steve experienced PTSD. Phil closes talking about the fad of foreign names for kids, and how certain names like Ian are cherry-picked. He suggests it's not very American. Hour 2: Coach Vernon Dozier says that kids dying on high school football fields is because of a 'pussy' stamina. Phil closes discussing Sylvia, a self-professed MENSA member, who unwittingly argues with Phil's fake character and plays her in a flashback 2001-08-20 hour one Hour 3: FIRST HALF. Connie Chung's upcoming interview with Gary Condit. Phil promotes the BSP and archives. Phil performs South Of The Border Diary August 13. SECOND HALF. Phil does Larry King opening, Phil talks about news themes, bubonic plague, scary movies. Phil complains he can't get good celebrity guests to visit the studio, but Gary Oldman, Harry Shearer, and others did show.

Vernon Dozier joined us in the first hour to discuss his "Magic Kingdom Booster Club". He thinks that people need to show more respect for Disney and all they have given us. "Ice cream in cups, color film deodorant, etc." All of them came from Disney. Show some goddamn respect. Dean Wheeler started the second hour. His wife killed his daughter with his tie and tried to hang him on it. There was a big struggle between his wife and 18 month old daughter. RC Collins then interviewed Phil and asked "Why you tell everyone how you do show?" The final hour consisted of a rant, "true talent or steaming pantload", and Bud Dickman's "Weekly Top 10".

Jeff Dowder kicked off the show to defend Robert Blake. Jeff said that Blake played a murderer on TV and may have slipped into psycho mode. Jeff's an actor and has studied how gun owners handle and carry their guns. Vernon Dozier was on in the second hour. He can't handle that young daughters want to buy cheap gifts from a pharmacy for Mother's day. He hates that they make cards with glitter and construction paper. Phil then parodied NPR with a brief bit called "National Socialist Radio". Skippy and Frank started the final hour with an execution special about Timothy McVeigh. Skippy ends up in the electric chair. Clara Bingham then came on the show to rip Phil for doing that Skippy and Frank bit. When they got burned in the chair they became black, and that's racist.

Vernon Dozier started the show tonight commenting on the PG&E power crisis. PG&E gave bonuses before going bankrupt. That's ok, because they deserve bonuses for doing a good job with the rolling blackouts. Phil closed the first hour with a rant about Santa Anita and jai alai. Margaret Grey was on in the second hour to forecast taht Tiger Woods will die in a plane crash, because he's gotten "big" so fast. Then Dave Oliva joined us to discuss the population explosion that occurred in the '90s. Dave thinks that we need to control it and can do that by encouraging the elderly to just die already. He suggests that we load them all onto a cruise and just torpedo it. Phil wrapped up the show with a rant about an ex-girlfriend who kneed a guy in the nuts once, how kids want expensive cars nowadays, and Irish drinking songs.